Prayer for a problem...(Mature Content)
PostPosted: Thu Jun 11, 2009 9:20 pm
A mature prayer thread sounds like a very good idea. I've been fighting a battle with lust lately - a hard one, though I suppose any battle in that area isn't easy. For the most part, I've avoided pornography, but I've failed there, as well. I recently receieved a Voyager cell phone, with video capability. I discovered that there were videos on there that were not porn, but were of attractive women in bathing suits, and the like. I believe I've watched every video avaliable.
Thing is, I need to stop. It's' not suitable for a Christian man to give into these things, but the struggle can be so hard. I've been weak in my faith lately, so I give in more easily. Tonight things came to a head, and my thoughtlessness shone through. My mother received the phone bill, and is at this moment extremely angry with me. I don't blame her. This will help me to stop looking at those, but I will still need the prayer and assistance of my fellow Christians. I feel as if I have no integrity left. Looking and seeing things like that is not who I am. That's not who I want to be.
I ask that you all pray for me, and any advice you offer will be welcomed. Also, there is another thing. I have a girlfriend, and anytime I fail and look at something such as that, I feel as if I've betrayed her. She doesn't know about this struggle; I fear for our relationship if she were to find out. I never had this problem when we began dating, and lately our relationship has been strained...I can only assume this is the reason. Nonetheless, I do not want to hurt her or make her feel like she isn't good enough. Regardless of my actions, I do care very deeply for her, and I want to see all of this work out okay. But to be perfectly honest, right now, I don't feel like there is a way...I've never felt quite so trapped before. Nor do I have any idea how to explain to my mother, who has always seen me as a good child, with good grades and whom everyone brags on, how her son ended up in a mess like this.
Thing is, I need to stop. It's' not suitable for a Christian man to give into these things, but the struggle can be so hard. I've been weak in my faith lately, so I give in more easily. Tonight things came to a head, and my thoughtlessness shone through. My mother received the phone bill, and is at this moment extremely angry with me. I don't blame her. This will help me to stop looking at those, but I will still need the prayer and assistance of my fellow Christians. I feel as if I have no integrity left. Looking and seeing things like that is not who I am. That's not who I want to be.
I ask that you all pray for me, and any advice you offer will be welcomed. Also, there is another thing. I have a girlfriend, and anytime I fail and look at something such as that, I feel as if I've betrayed her. She doesn't know about this struggle; I fear for our relationship if she were to find out. I never had this problem when we began dating, and lately our relationship has been strained...I can only assume this is the reason. Nonetheless, I do not want to hurt her or make her feel like she isn't good enough. Regardless of my actions, I do care very deeply for her, and I want to see all of this work out okay. But to be perfectly honest, right now, I don't feel like there is a way...I've never felt quite so trapped before. Nor do I have any idea how to explain to my mother, who has always seen me as a good child, with good grades and whom everyone brags on, how her son ended up in a mess like this.