CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Okay, so... *sigh* I've had a ton of crap to deal with, until just recently, when school let out, and now I've only got half a ton. For starters, there's band. I had a few really good friends in there who graduated, and I'm praying that they're doing well. One of them (well, two, but I was only close to on) was my section leader, and now I have to step up as not only one of the Clarinet section leaders who deals with EVERYTHING, but also as the youngest in the band, without anyone to help me. Then, there's the people themselves. Only half of my section even respects me, and one of them absolutely hates me. She's said so herself. Then, there's the Trumpets, who seem to seriously enjoy tormenting me and trying their hardest to make an already emotionally stressed 15-year old cry. Which they have, but I haven't ever let them see it. Also, I always have this voice in the back of my head that tells me I'll never be good enough, and that I should just give up. Luckily, I've gotten better at controlling that one.

So, beyond all that, there's more stuff that's STILL pretty band related. I have a huuuuuuge crush on the Vice President, who also happens to be the ringleader if not section leader of the Trumpets. Worse, he knows, and he's gone from being a close companion to being harsh and abrasive and even avoiding me. And that's only made it that much worse, because it seems that the more he tries to stop it, the bigger the crush gets.

Also, on a completely unrelated topic, I've been thinking more and more of my cousin Taylor recently. She...she committed suicide over two years ago, and I've just recently gotten one of my friends to actually let me tell him about it. Cause that's what I've wanted to do, all this time: just let it out. Most people flee or change the subject as soon as death comes up, and by now, they'd be like "Wut grl dat wuz 2yrs ago get ovr it!" Yeah, that's pretty much how it works, though most of the folks in band would probably not be like that, come to think of it. We're all very different than those not in band. It's kinda hard to explain.

So...that's not really it, but I've typed more than enough for one post. Guess I'll leave it at that.

Looks like you have quite a heavy cross to bear there. Just remember there is always Someone (meaning Jesus) who is willing to help you carry it.
Oh, and welcome to the forums!

Hang in there and I'll pray for you Things may be hard, but just take them one at a time Trying to fix everything at once may make things worst ^^

I think I know what you mean about the band. The band typically goes through tough times together (concerts and such) and bond together. It's hard when people in your section don't respect you, though. Just trust in God and He will help you through. Remember, this is a tool to strengthen you not weaken you.

Jeremiah 29:11—For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Thanks, you guys. Yeah, it pretty much sucks when your own section disrespects you, but I'm hoping maybe some time away from each other will help it, because everyone was pretty much getting sick of each other. Except me, I could do band stuff everyday and still be very happy. Anyway, I'm feeling better about that, but...not so much about everything else. All these random feelings I have strewn together are really confusing me. @_@

Squeakmaster wrote:"Wut grl dat wuz 2yrs ago get ovr it!"

Those people are apparently unfamiliar with losing a close family member. I've heard that it can actually take up to five years to be able to fully cope with losing someone close to you. Especially if it's a suicide.

Anyway. We've only barely interacted on the boards, but I wanted you to know I'll pray for you and I hope you get things sorted out.