CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Hey guys,

I know alot of you have been praying for me about this...I just am getting a little frustrated. Not discouraged but frustrated. It is hard and I feel like I'm letting my husband down. I know he understands...but like if I want to be intimate in my wifely ways, well the pain is too much for me and even though we have tried to change positions it really hasn't changed much. The only time I can be intimate that way with him is when I'm on heavy duty meds (sorry for the info but I know married ones can understand where I'm coming from I hope ^_^;)

Also I am just in constant pain all the time. It is affecting my stomach and the pain meds are affecting it also. Please pray I can hold out for when I can go see a doc (haven't found a free health clinic for neurologist or neurosurgeon yet) or that the Lord may heal me. I am getting nausea''s alot due to the pain and ...I'm trying to be patient and not complain. I really am trying to change that part of me (I tend to be a pessimist and I don't want to come across that way) but at the same time I can't be like...oh there isn't anything wrong because that's denial. I do not have a whole lot of empathy from my family (they think I'm just blowing it out of proportion, but as my uncle said...I hide hurt well - they still don't know the amount of abuse of I have went through and they won't accept the fact I have been raped numerous times-so the lack of support on that end is hard) So thankyou for prayer, encouragement and continous love.

On a different note: ...I know this may sound wierd but sometimes I miss my abuser...I know this may seem sick and twisted...but I don't know. I guess I was comfortable cuz it was all I knew for the last five years. I"m still getting nightmares occassionally and I know it has only been a little over three months since I have escaped but I haven't been able to get a mental health professional to talk to (and don't have the money without insurance). It is hard bcuz I can't talk to my family about it...they don't even know what he did...and like I said they won't accept the rap...my husband understands but he's trying to get me to focus on the fact I"m out of that situation...and I understand that and its the best course...but sometimes I just have to cry cuz I'm afraid that I'm going to wake up and be back there. I still can't believe that I'm free....I am trusting in the Lord for the mental and emotional healing and freedom as well. It will take time but I know the Lord is gracious and merciful.

Praise report: I'm joining a Christian Writer's Guild so I will actually be able to take some courses on writing..Praise God!

I know this was long...but this has been building up for a while.

I do not want pity...but I am coming from a weakened state so all prayer, encouragement and most of all, Love (something that i am still learning to accept that I am worthy of) would be appreciated if you are willing.

God bless,

Your sis in christ,

Kelly

Praying!!!
You are DEFINETLY worthy of love...

sends a million hugs:
...etc.

GOD bless you!

will be praying!

Know that you ARE loved, Kelly! *hugs*

I understand, girl...I'm still getting used to being free from abuse myself --I can't believe it's almost been a year since I broke off things with my mother.

I too am waiting for insurance...I know how those things are, trust me.

Hang in there, my friend. I will keep praying for you. Love you girl.

I pray that your back heals soon, dear sister.

As to missing your abuser, I'm not saying this is for sure, but maybe God wants you to pray for him/her right now. I pray you will hold this person up in prayer.
"Love your enemies, and pray for those who transgress you." -Jesus-
Godbless you and heal you,
Shilohan ninja

Hey guys,

Sheenar; I really appreciate the prayer. I know you understand the abuse (I can't believe its been three months since then....feels like a lifetime away)

Shilohan: I have prayed for this man...even though it is hard. I also know he is a lost individual although he thinks he is superior.

Thankyou all,

Kelly

PS. I did try to call a neurosurgeon but they weren't open due to the flooding and storm in FL thanks again guys!

Update:

I'm in constant pain and am relying on prayer and pain killers to get through the day (lyrica - fibromyalgia)

Still praying!

*hugs thanks sis

Update; Going to talk to rheumatologist tomorrow...schedule an appointment hopefully as well as a neurologist (if the rhuemotologist thinks that I should)

I'm hoping i can get appt even with no insurance at the moment...

I'll be praying. Don't let finances get in your way. Bring it to God and keep us posted so we know how to pray.
"Where two or more are gathered in my name, it will be done according to the Father's will"
Let us pray.

Update:

Took lyrica last night which usually takes a lot of the pain away and last night..it took SOME away but not much. Pain is becoming a constant battle

[font="palatino Linotype"]Oh, sis.....
I will still be praying my HARDEST that I can....

*hugs tightly*
I love you, sis. I truly do. *smiles*[/font]

Still praying!!!!

*smile *hugs Hana and 12praise thankyou!

Update: Pain is increasing and I have to work 5 1/2 hours tonight. I am praying for the Lord's strength to make it through...lyrica isn't doing much at the moment..back pain is increasing

Do your doctors know what's causing it?
Praying.

I had six doctors examine me in the hospital..they don't know what caused my paralyzation or my pain...no tests could really show things conclusively

Father in Heaven,
I pray a spirit of healing over our sister in Christ; that the pain will leave, never to return again. I pray your spirit of clearity over the doctors and medical staff, that they may, through your power, uncover the mutation or abnormality in Kunoichi-sama's body and find a way, with your help and guidance, to fix or remove it so she may no longer feel this pain. We pray your spirit of peace and patience over Kunoichi and the medical staff in this time of pain and need; bring your wisdom and counsel to them, Jesus. I pray an open heaven over her, Lord; shower her in your grace, mercy and peace.
In the mighty name of Jesus Christ,
Amen.

(peace be with you, dear sister)

Thanks ninja *smile

Pain has worsened, depression as worsened and honestly I'm crying right now cuz someone called me racist in a chat...and maybe they were kidding and really I shouldn't care cuz its just a comment...maybe i'm on the brink of losing my own sanity and sense of self---what i have left..please pray.

I found out he was kidding..i am just overly sensitive..the pain is weakening my ability to fight my depression - well yesterday was a bad day but today can be good *smile* working on drawing again ^_^

That's great, Kelly! Keep up hope. I hope you have fun drawing today!

*smile trying sis..trying

just hurting really bad today

took a percecet...not really working..may need to take two to be able to work today.which isn't good cuz that means my pain is increasing

Still praying!

I'm sorry to hear that, Kunoichi-sama. I know what back pain is like. It sucks.
But think on this; it's in our greatest trials and tribulations that God molds us and shapes us in His image. It may be that He's allowing you to go through fire so He can purify you in some way, like gold. Don't quote me on that, just throwing out an idea, a suggestion if you will. It kind of reminds me of Job. No, you probably haven't lost everything, but God allowed him to go through much more dire straights and, yet, he still remained faithfull to the Lord and because of it, God healed and restored him better than ever. If He did it for Job, I believe He'll do it for you too. Stay strong. Stay true. Keep the faith. I am continually praying for your healing, dear sister.
God bless you and keep you.
-SN-

Thankyou both ^_^

Shilohan : you are right! I have been through a lot in the last years but I know God is faithful. *Smile I do trust in him greatly. I just get frustrated and discouraged from time to time but I really appreciate the encouragement ^_^

Update: Pain is increasing...taking lyrica now: praise God! It seems to work a little so I pray that it will help the symptoms a bit. I'm going to try and get a Rhuemotology appointment which is going to cost me 150 to 300 dollars *sighs but I know God is faithful...Im going to try and hold out until i get ins so I don't have to pay that.

I'm also dealing with past issues (anger at my family for not seeming like they want to deal with my abuse) but I was able to talk to someone this morning who helped me alot *smile (yay mother in laws!)

Kunoichi, youll be in my prayers.

That's great, Kunoichi-sama! Always good to unpack some useless spiritual baggage. It's not always easy, I know. But, with God's help, we can leaveour troubles behind. It kinda reminds me of a song (know which one I'm talkin' about?)
So, when you're feelin' down, just remember your first love with teh rockin' tunes of Third Day and Newsboys.
Godbless. Hopin' and prayin' you get better soon.
Much luv,
-SN-

heh got my medical records today...realized they didn't tell me half of what happened...altho if i had me as a patient...well my tests sure were all over the place.lol

I am going to see if i have fibromyalgia..that seems to be the likeliest thing at the moment.


still intense pain and my equilibrium is not being thrown off and getting worse...sigh* please pray

[font="palatino Linotype"]=\
I'm still praying, my dear sister.

I love you a lot!! *hugs tightly*
I won't stop praying for you, obitaybe? ^_^[/font]

I'm praying for you. I thank God that by faith you are healed. Not manifested in the physical yet, but Jesus heals sickness and disease and God's promises are true.

speaking of Jesus, "News about Him spread all over Syria, and people brought to Him all who were ill with various diseases, those suffering severe pain, the demon-possessed, those having seizures, and the paralyzed, and He healed them." - Matthew 4:24

Also have you ever been to a healing or worship service? My local church has worship service on Wednesdays and I have seen some miraculous things during my time there. Numerous people have had chronic muscle pains healed by the power of God in Christ and I actually saw I woman's leg shrink by a full inch (her legs were originally uneven in length).

About your initial post, we haven't done anything to be worthy of love, but God's grace is that awesome that you get love because He gave Him to you.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God — not by works, so that no one can boast."
- Ephesian 2:8-9

And if there is any self-condemnation in you, let's all strike that sprit down by Jesus' authority given to us (Luke 10:19). God does not condemn you because you believe in Christ, so you should not condemn yourself.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son." - John 3:16-18

I sometimes run into the problem of self-condemnation. But we must remember not to attempt to usurp God's authority. In this way, it is actually a sin for Christians to belittle ourselves. God opened my eyes yesterday concerning this topic through a student at a campus ministry. She said that our version of love is typically different from God's version. We love God, but often we want to keep Him at a distance or put Him in a box or define Him in our own way. On the other hand God wants us in His arms constantly. He never wants to be away from us. I think that's so true.

Eternally your brother in Christ,
God bless you and keep you