CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

In terms of family life and whatnot, my life is perfect.

In terms of faith and relationship time with God...my life is really crappy right now. I obviously know this, so I suppose that's good, but...some of it I just can't shake away and get over.

The devil constantly keeps putting doubts in my head. Its one of those "as soon as you stop wondering about this problem, another pops up" deals. I'd really like to get some time of rest, it constantly feels like my life is a huge jumble of worries and feeling sick, and I know people can say "oh, but that's good, you're faith is getting better!" but I think some of it is a side effect of my OCD. I tried some medicine, but...eh. That didn't work. It messed me up really bad inside...I felt so distant from God at that time and my emotions and whatnot were really out of whack. So now I'm just depending on the Lord to carry me...and I know He can, but all this junk in my head! Gah.

I'm like in a constant state of panic and sickness. Constantly feeling away from Him and thinking and feeling like I'm going straight to hell as soon as I die.

A little awhile ago I felt like my faith was getting better and my relationship feeling good, but then...another thing popped up.

You know that age old question of "Did somebody else create God?" Now that's in my head. However, for probably a totally different reason than you think.

Where as most people observe that issue and wonder how God got there (and if somebody else created Him, how THEY got there and so on and so on), that's not my problem. I can live without knowing that type of information, it doesn't phase me. What was bothering me of all things was...if God did have somebody who created Him, it was almost a case of "well I don't want to insult that person, because they must be really powerful to have created our Holy Father", but at the same time I didn't want to pull away from God.

I don't know if any of that makes sense...even when I try to phrase it really nice, I can't. I feel like crying and just hate myself deep down. I want to say God is the only one ever and praise and glorify only His name, but it's almost a case of being scared for insulting somebody else, yanno? But then I feel bad because I don't want God to send me to hell because these thoughts are in my head. Like I'm trying to put somebody above Him...it just scares me so badly...I can't stop thinking of it, I can't get peace, I feel so sick...I really just wish I had died along time ago.

In the end I obviously prayed for an answer, but I don't know if I even got the right one. The only answer I could conder up was "If God is willing to give praise and glory to His human children (who are way below Him), then why would He neglect His creator? When you truely love and appreciate somebody (and God is love), you make note to thank them and give appreciation to them. Plus, knowing God, I can't honestly see Him just blowing off the person who made Him, it's just not in His character. No matter how I added it up, it seemed to point to "God is the only one there" and I'm TOTALLY fine with that, in fact...that's how I want it.

But I can't rest with that for some reason. There's still that lingering doubt in the back of my head that keeps me from bashing "all other gods" because I don't want to get in trouble at some point in time. Does that even make any sense? *sighs* I wish there was an answer in the Bible, but I don't think there is...the only thing that comes to mind is that whole "in the beginning there was the Word" or whatever, but I don't think that answers my question.

*sighs heavily* Sometimes I wish I could wipe bits of my memory clean...just forget things and feel close to God again. I feel so depressed...I don't ever want to lose faith, but...right now it's like I have faith, but can't be close and serve God. Losing faith is much worse, but I can't say this is any better...Just having my existence wipped away for all eternity would be better than even dying...That's how bad I feel.

I'll be praying for you.
As to worrying about other "gods" & getting in trouble with them (O_o) well there is the commandment to love the Lord your God above all others. I hope that helps a bit.
I'll be back later with the exact verse.
God Bless
-animewarrior

Whoa. God's not going to send you to hell.

Also, if you know the doubts you have are not of God, why entertain them? Instead of focusing on your doubts and anxiety, focus on what you know: God is the Almighty. Seek and you shall find, as it says in the Bible.

I could say a lot of weird, out-of-the-box things, but I don't want to be confusing. The question of how God came into being is a difficult one, and I don't think there's any way to find out for sure using any means that we have. So why dwell on it?

I remember being in this position spiritually. Since I'm an intellectual, studying different religions and philosophies helped me, in addition to prayer, fellowship, and Bible Study.
Whatever your spiritual style is, you will need patience. I know that seems like a cop out, but it's true. A lot of the answers you're seeking come with experience and study, both of which take time and effort and will probably not lead to many unchanging answers you don't already know or know of.
In other words, no instant remedy with something this important.
Many of the experiences you have yet to encounter will settle things you know of but don't sink in until you've had a chance to live it or actually see it, and studying will help you get answers to even questions you didn't know you had; but faith is living and fluid, and grows and changes like everything else about a person. You'll have to get a foundation, but aside from trusting God and what He's says He going to do even when you don't get it (which is faith in action), you're understanding of Him is going to always be changing as you grow, and therefore your faith will always be changing and there will always be new questions.
Although feeling like your faith is falling apart underneath you is freaky at best, it is something that shows you are in a position to strengthen that foundation so you can build on it. After all, God tears down before he builds up.
You have my prayers for courage and peace in the face of spiritual uncertainty and for the guidance of the Holy Spirit in your pursuit of answers.

DS

U have my prayers too.....Not to sound redundent or anything, but not too long ago a friend told me that when we are suffering (whether it be mental or physical) we are growing the most in our faith, even if it doesn't feel like it at the time......
Right now your in the storm and it's probably the roughest part of the storm....But eventually the storms moves out and the sunshine comes back in.....The storm doesn't last forever......

I'll be praying too. I had a recent spiritual "low point", but God's working on strengthening my faith. Try reaching out to other Christians or family members who have had similar experiences.

Momo-P, listen. God is not going to send you to Hell. I can prove that to you from scripture if you like, but just for now, I realize the fear you can feel from having doubts. This is one of the reasons I constantly say that apologetics is helpful for Christians. Certain things like objections to how God can exist and so on are eradicated with a proper theology. And often studying apologetics makes you think about your theology, and- though not all apologetics out there are good, many ARE good, and due to this I have NO doubts about my faith whatsoever.

You don't have to worry that God is not going to understand and be forgiving for the distress you may feel that stem from intellectual dilemmas. I personally don't think Christians will be able to find answers to every question they will find. And because of that I don't consider doubts or unanswered questions that attack the consistency of the Bible thoughts from the devil. You don't have to worry that it's sinful or that the devil is attacking your mind.

Listen, I study answers to objections as a pastime. Do you have any questions for me at all? I have a lot of answers, and know how to find answers to objections I've not encountered. PM me absolutely anytime you want, okay? Don't feel scared or anything, I can help you. And God will not frown on you for that. Most people NEVER worry about this kind of stuff and think it doesn't matter. THAT is something God frowns upon.