CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

I'm currently undergoing a battery of psychological and aptitude testing for the DARS agency (so they know how best to help me in my job search).
Having to discuss my background in the interview part (and also some of the questions that I had to bubble in a response to) brought back some pretty bad memories of my past. It's like I just can't get away from it --I keep trying to put my past with my mom behind me and it keeps coming back up. I hate being reminded of all the crap I have gone through --I just want to forget sometimes (though I know God can --and He has--use my past to help someone else).
It's just hard to be reminded of it --a lot of it is still very hurtful to me, so it's like opening an old wound.
It all just reminded me that I have no parents around, no home to go to --I graduate from college in 10 months and I'll have to leave my friends and church family here--who have all helped me so much --and I'll have to start over somewhere else. I'll be on my own and have to find a support system again.
Also, it is wedding season. And I'm starting to really long for a husband and a family. I just a family so badly --it's something I've never really had. Pray that I will be content with God's timing. (Though leaving college with an Mrs. degree would be an added benefit. )
Pray that I will stop worrying about the future and about things I have no control over. Pray that I will give all that to God and trust that He has a plan and will continue to take care of me. Also pray that my focus and priorities are where they should be --on the Lord.

Thank you.

Also have been struggling with feelings of not being worth something. I just don't understand how I can still feel that I'm not worth loving/being friends with/etc. when Christ died for me? And when I know what Scripture says?
I guess it's just harder than I thought to fight the lies I've been told all my life.

Prayer would be appreciated.

I hate to triple post, but I really, really could use some voice of support. Some word of encouragement. Please.

I get so upset when people don't respond to me or don't include me in things --but why do I let other's actions/inactions determine my sense of worth? Christ died for me! That is where my worth is found!
Just because someone acts a certain way or avoids me does not mean I am not worth being friends with or that no one cares. I wish I could just stop caring what other people think/do. It's so hard.

I will be praying for you. I've felt similar "worth" issues and I also care too much about what other people think.

I will pray that you will trust God. I am still on the same path, but life is a daily journey. Don't get discouraged by a bad day or even a bad thought. God holds the future.

Hey sis,

I understand the opening of wounds. Sis, first to offer encouragement. I know that what you are going through is rough but the great thing is one, it is temporary, and two, god can use your pain for good both for yourself and other people.

Sis also about trying to forget your past. The fact is: you won't. I am trying to say this lovingly cuz I know its rough. Sister, you will never forget the past or the pain involved. However, you can confront it and say to it: "You do not have power over me anymore because my God is greater and stronger than you are." (for me personally that is the only way I have been able to move on from my own abuse and fears of my ex boss trying to kill me)

Sister we are here for you. Even if we can't fully understand everything that you go through (the lack of worth feeling I really understand..) we are here to support you ^_^

*big hugs stay strong my sister and remember to just focus on loving God

hey Sheenar-san. I'll be praying for you & all the crap that you're dealing with.
I don't know all the details but just remember in all things the Lord is our strength as well
as as you said, his timing is perfect.

I hope you meet your awesome handsome guy at exactly the right time and you find that he's more than you ever hoped for. Because God will give us up and above our expectations in all things, even if we feel like we don't deserve it.

Stay strong k? Remember you are princess and warrior of God.
Don't forget how much ppl love you. God Bless.

-Sincerely,
Your Sister in Christ,
animewarrior

Hi Sheenar, I'll be praying for you as well. People who act that way for the sake of being unruly and downright negative are sadly being influenced by the lawless one and not worth your time imo. Given how they never appreciate a nice person, like yourself. Your best bet is to pray for their souls to be saved and that they will perhaps change for the Lord and their own well being. And one day you'll meet the right guy and make him happy. Like I have faith in God that I will meet Mrs right one day.

Don't give up. The Lord has something great for us all to do for him:thumb:. Remember anything is possible with the Lord on your side.

God Bless.

Thanks for the encouragement, everyone. I am feeling better. Still going to battle these things for a while, though. But I know God has a plan --I just have to trust --and I need to just take one day at a time and not worry or be anxious about tomorrow. God knows what will happen and He will take care of me.

Again, thank you all for the encouraging words and for the prayers.

*zips in* Sheenar-chan!

I hope you're still doing better. It took me a while to find value in how Jesus views me and blast what other people think of me (maybe I'm a little extreme? XD), but I managed it eventually. I found it took a lot of letting go of things, my past, other peoples expectations, good and bad, my own expectations, teaching I had been taught, and culture conditioning. It took a while and was hard sometimes, often I felt like I was betraying someone by turning my back on what I had been taught, but I did it, and I'm doing much better for it.
You have my prayers as always prayer, sis.

DS

Remember: God looked at you and said, "It's is good." Everybody else can just deal with Him if they don't like it! XD