CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Recently I've decided to visit the doctor. For years I've suffered from rather extreme OCD, and unfortunately, this OCD focuses on God.

Now...while on one side of things this is good (makes me very focused and determinded on the Lord), on the flip side? It's bad. Where as a normal human has doubts and can let them go, I can't, and it lets them grow and get worse. Definitely not good.

Lately my faith has been feeling so bad...I really ask you all to pray with all your hearts and souls for me...I keep getting scared and worried like I'm gonna lose faith and go to hell. It scares me so much. I even had my mom write out a dumb "test" asking me questions about God to prove to myself I believed because satan is bothering me so badly and I just can't live.

I'm still praying, still reading, still seeking, I even just spent the night with a girl from my church yesterday, so I'm doing what one needs to in this situation...I just want God to help soon...I'm so scared and hate being away from Him like this. I'm so seriously willing to give up everything for Him if it meant we could be together again.

As for the main thread though...like I said, I have severe OCD, and while medicine can't take all problems away, I finally decided to go to the doctor for it. I'm worried that taking medicine will be bad...like I should leave it up to God, or that it'll make me focus less on God (which it probably will if I don't obsess), but...that's why I worry and feel bad.

I'm just concerned if I'm making the right decision here or not. My parents say I am and they know me the most aside from God, so I assume it's good...but I can't help but worry. Add in how I just feel so down and uncaring about life right now because my faith is so bad...just feel so sick.

Do I believe in God? Yes. Do I accept Jesus as my Savior? Yes. Would I do anything and everything for Him? Yes. So I know I believe, but I just wish things would clear up soon. I know we're never tested beyond our limits, and I know in the end I will be a super strong Christian, but for now...I'm beginning to lose weight, sleep for hours and hours on end, and cry like a baby. This is just not a good place.

Also, rather different from this main thread, but I also have a request for my mom. The place she works has been treating her very unfairly lately and she really needs another job. I know she's put in an app somewhere recently, but with gas going up and whatnot...my family is just barely scrapping by.

And totally random--I don't know the lady, but the woman next door is taking care of her sister. I don't know what she has, but she's got staples in her stomach and all this stuff...my mom's a nurse so I only know bits and pieces from what she's told me, but from the sounds of it, the hospital that sent this woman home was insane. They didn't even tell the family how to change certain things and whatnot and last night I guess her stomach was getting red and swollen...

Anyone being in pain is sad, but this woman should REALLY be in a hospital or nursing home or something. Sending her home in this condition is dangerous and it's almost a case of "when will she die?" because of how bad it all sounds.

So sorry for rambling...x_x Please forgive me, just so much going on all around me.

I'll pray about all those things. Hey, if you ever want to talk about assurance for your salvation, send me a PM. I know I struggled hard with the issue, so I think I can help.

I'll pray for everything.