Lots on my mind...could use your prayers...
PostPosted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 12:29 pm
This is kind of long, so please bear with me...just need to vent a little...probably will make me feel better.
Friday morning, I woke up and it hit me: I really can never go back to my mom's house. I don't have a home anymore. My dorm is my home now. It also hit me that I can't go retrieve certain items of sentimental value from mom's house (since she sent her friend to get my key)--
Pebbles was with another recipient for a year before I got her--he became bedridden, so they gave her back to the school. Anyway, his mom made a blanket for Pebbles and sent me a letter and it really upset me to realize that I could not go back and get it. Her gift really meant a lot to me. Also, there's a latchhook pillow my old roommate made for me and a latchhook kit I bought to make one to go with it.
I've also been having health issues. My foot is healing well, but it is still painful to walk on and I get tired really quickly. So my dorm is a total sty because I don't have much energy to clean after walking around campus. I really need to clean b/c I think I'm attracting some kind of bugs/mice--something ate a perfect hole through my loaf of bread that gets bigger as you go back--yuck. I wonder how it got through the plastic...
I'm still having stomach pain--the doctor is not sure what it is--I'm on a variety of medicine/treatments to try to get me to feel better. It helps somewhat with the other stomach issues, but not the pain. I go back to see the doctor this week. I'm just worried it may be something serious--I'm tired of surgeries--I don't want another one for a long time (the Achilles tendon surgery was the worst thing I've ever been through physically). I also don't have (or qualify for) health insurance.
I'm worried about so many things. I know worry is wrong--it's just that I have so many trust issues I'm still working through. I find myself incapable of trusting God or my friends sometimes. I fear the future. I don't know where I'll go after I graduate next May. I know it's still a year away--and God will provide somehow in the meantime--there is still so much uncertainty. Will I be able to get a job? If I get a job, how will I get to it (I have no car or money to pay for one)? The university will kick me out of my dorm the day I graduate, so I hope I'll have somewhere to go...
I know God will provide somehow. He has never left me or let me down. There's just a lot on my plate right now. I wish I could just have some time to feel "normal" for a while...I've been having so many mixed feelings lately. It's all so confusing...sometimes I don't know which way is up (or even what day it is.)
I'll be on now and then to see how everyone's doing and to let y'all know how I am. But I'll be on a lot less --I really need to get things straight--spend less time on the computer--I need to get into the Bible study "Lord, I Want to be Whole" --also, I'm taking summer school from May 16 straight through to fall.
I'm also trying to start meeting with an older woman in the church to be mentored. So excited!
Please be in prayer for me. It helps so much to know that I am being prayed for--because sometimes I feel so alone (though I know in my head that I am really not alone). Thank you.
Friday morning, I woke up and it hit me: I really can never go back to my mom's house. I don't have a home anymore. My dorm is my home now. It also hit me that I can't go retrieve certain items of sentimental value from mom's house (since she sent her friend to get my key)--
Pebbles was with another recipient for a year before I got her--he became bedridden, so they gave her back to the school. Anyway, his mom made a blanket for Pebbles and sent me a letter and it really upset me to realize that I could not go back and get it. Her gift really meant a lot to me. Also, there's a latchhook pillow my old roommate made for me and a latchhook kit I bought to make one to go with it.
I've also been having health issues. My foot is healing well, but it is still painful to walk on and I get tired really quickly. So my dorm is a total sty because I don't have much energy to clean after walking around campus. I really need to clean b/c I think I'm attracting some kind of bugs/mice--something ate a perfect hole through my loaf of bread that gets bigger as you go back--yuck. I wonder how it got through the plastic...
I'm still having stomach pain--the doctor is not sure what it is--I'm on a variety of medicine/treatments to try to get me to feel better. It helps somewhat with the other stomach issues, but not the pain. I go back to see the doctor this week. I'm just worried it may be something serious--I'm tired of surgeries--I don't want another one for a long time (the Achilles tendon surgery was the worst thing I've ever been through physically). I also don't have (or qualify for) health insurance.
I'm worried about so many things. I know worry is wrong--it's just that I have so many trust issues I'm still working through. I find myself incapable of trusting God or my friends sometimes. I fear the future. I don't know where I'll go after I graduate next May. I know it's still a year away--and God will provide somehow in the meantime--there is still so much uncertainty. Will I be able to get a job? If I get a job, how will I get to it (I have no car or money to pay for one)? The university will kick me out of my dorm the day I graduate, so I hope I'll have somewhere to go...
I know God will provide somehow. He has never left me or let me down. There's just a lot on my plate right now. I wish I could just have some time to feel "normal" for a while...I've been having so many mixed feelings lately. It's all so confusing...sometimes I don't know which way is up (or even what day it is.)
I'll be on now and then to see how everyone's doing and to let y'all know how I am. But I'll be on a lot less --I really need to get things straight--spend less time on the computer--I need to get into the Bible study "Lord, I Want to be Whole" --also, I'm taking summer school from May 16 straight through to fall.
I'm also trying to start meeting with an older woman in the church to be mentored. So excited!
Please be in prayer for me. It helps so much to know that I am being prayed for--because sometimes I feel so alone (though I know in my head that I am really not alone). Thank you.
)