CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Lately the devil's REALLY been messing with my head, and it's driving me nuts. I keep praying and everything, but nothing gets better. My mother keeps telling me it will, but it doesn't! I just want my relationship with God to be as it use to be...I use to be so close to Him...He was more a Father to me than my human one, I talked to Him a lot (I still do, but before I felt more comfortable with it) and always went to Him when I cried or felt angry or something...

Now satan keeps making me doubt Him. I keep getting these thoughts...like I don't care anymore about God or don't want to be with Him or something...and the times I know I care and pray and cry...it's like I still lack that wonderful relationship with Him. It's driving me mad.

I feel sick and I'm starting to hurt myself. Whenever doubts get into my head I tend to stop the thoughts with pain...not cutting, don't worry, but I do tend to scratch myself with my nails or hit myself or something. Something to cut the doubts off or, if that doesn't work, to distract me from them. It's hard to keep worrying about not believeing when your leg or something is stinging like heck.

I've tried everything. I read passages and hold onto them, I try keeping myself busy to not worry...nothing is working. I'm so afraid I'll die a non-believer or something. My mom tells me I'm ok and she's praying for me, and I know I won't go to hell, but it still scares me so bad.

Why is this happening? I've had problems before, but these are the worst. What good is being gained by any of this? I feel so hopeless right now...I rather just be in a coma or dead right now, anything is better than putting up with this pain. I constantly tell God He can take whatever He wants--my boyfriend, my parents, I don't care anymore.

I just want to be with Him again...

Momo,

one thing i have realized is that sometimes when we feel distant from God, faith is able to grow. Faith is the absence of all logical and emotional reasons to believe in something and yet we do.

Do not lose heart, the fact that your soul longs for him tells me that you are close to him. How can you miss someone you do not know? Satan can only place doubts in your head, but the way you fight that is instead of hitting yourself, rebuke Satan. Both through prayer and through the word of God.

Demons are a very real thing and they can only shrink at the mention of God and Jesus. Do not lose heart. You are where you are meant to be. You are growing, you just can't see it yet. Jesus is with you, carrying you and whispering to you.

*hugs God bless

Everyone has periods where they feel God is distant. Even Jesus on the cross was crying when he couldn't feel His Father's presence. Times when God feels distant gives us a chance to grow because we have to have faith that He will return, and then see that faith rewarded when He does. If our faith was never exercised in this way, it wouldn't grow.
Also, doubts don't mean your faith is fake or flimsy. I once read that healthy faith has some doubt, because you continue to believe even when you don't understand or get everything. You cling to it even when confused (although by no means not seeking answers), and this helps you faith for when truly bad things are happening and you don't understand why. Most of the great figures of the Bible had times of crisis and doubt: Abraham taking Lot with him when God said specifically not to, Moses getting drug practically kicking and screaming and making excuses the whole way to help the Israelites, Hannah praying at the temple for years and years with no result, John Mark abandoning Paul out of fear of persecution.
By sticking to what God has already done for you and has promised you even when is seems completely empty makes your faith that much more powerful. It's easy to believe when you feel Him close, trusting Him to catch you when He's hard to feel is what shows your faith can overcome the difficult.
Praying for you.

DS

Everyone already said what I was going to say. But you still have my prayers. Remember that we don't believe a feeling....we believe in an Awesome God who listens to us.....Keep crying out to Him....He hears and will answer u....

I can't claim to be able to get into your head and know what all's going on in your life to bring you this point, but I've been going through a real spiritual drought myself recently, and I thought I'd share a little something that's helped me out a lot the past few days:

When our relationship with God stops being what we wish it was, we often pray to Him to restore it for us, for Him to make us feel better. There's not really anything wrong with that, of course we need to be honest in bringing our concerns before Him. Still, we can forget that a relationship works both ways, and what we need might not be Him coming any closer to us but us taking a step out to meet Him. there have been several times in my life where I've been really depressed and it felt like God didn't give a rip about me. I'd pray over and over for God to make me feel loved like I once was, but nothing would change until it dawned on me that it'd been a looong time since I said anything about loving Him. It would only be after my prayers shifted focus from me and my state of being to just praising Him wether I really felt like it or not that I actually DID start to feel like it again.

Like I said, I don't know how well any of that applies to what you're going through, but it's helped me out.

I will be praying too!

My two cents are this. Sometimes GOD makes you go through these periods were you feel like you or HE is far from you, but the truth is HE is right there and is just wanting your patience level to elevate to a higher state. He also wants you to be able to trust like everyone else, that although they can't hear or feel HIM at times they know HE is there. TRUST me on this one, I have gone through this a lot, but I can't tell you for sure because I don't know what the precise condition is. Just keep waiting, relief will come soon!
GOD BLESS AND PROTECT YOU FROM THE EVIL THAT SURROUNDS US!!!

Sometimes, it is necessary hugs our dark your excellency and the opposite of savior, satan. He by soul victory is inevitable in any event; It is only prudently and meticulously prepares for him to obtain laissez faire and the participation guilty behavior endless revelry. This is the only way, unfortunately.