CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Hey guys,

well those of you in the General lust prayer thread have been following what i have been going through, so if you are interested you can read it there...

but i'm really hurting right now. I can't sleep, I have no appetite and I'm afraid I'm falling back hard into my depression.

Ya know what? Might as well tell you....

I cheated on my boyfriend, not just a kiss but sexually as well, , lied about it for months to him, finally told him and he still loves me regardless. Well then we ended up, or rather I, broke up with him because I know that I want to become right again before going out with him or anyone else for that matter.

So mentally and emotionally, I'm a little confused right now. I'm going from feelings of feeling that I'm beautiful despite my sins, to feeling I am unworthy of love, happiness or grace. And that I should be alone for the rest of my life.

These thoughts may seem selfish, maybe they are, but I'm still feeling them and I'm hurting so bad. I can't think straight. It is affecting my jobs, my school and my life. I have tried talking about it, but nothing helps.

I have seeked God's forgiveness, but I can't forgive myself to what I have done and become. I do not want to be someone who is dishonest or who cheats or any of that and I told myself that I would never do that yet I did it...so I also am having feelings of Hypocrispy.

I know the Lord is good and just and forgives me, but I do not know how to forgive myself and move towards the path the Lord has set before me...whatever that is cuz I can't figure that out either.

Please pray. This is a very hard time in my life. When I get like this, because I struggled with suicide for many years, its trying to creep back in and I do not want it.

Thanks and God bless

Kunoichi

I'll be praying for you Kunoichi.
Come now,and let us reason together,saith the Lord:Though your sins be as scarlet,they shall be as white as snow:though they be red like crimson,they shall be as wool.
Isaiah1:18
I,even I,am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake,and will not remember thy sins.
Isaiah 43:25

God loves us as we are, not as what we wish we were.

You should still strive to be clean in body and spirit, but never forget that he hasloved you even in your very worst moments. He wants you to accept his peace as a gift. He will never withold it and demand that you earn it, merely that you accept him, and his love.

Go forward in his strength, Kunoichi. We'll be praying for you.

I'll be praying Kunoichi, Don't give up hope there is always a light at the end of the darkness

Ah will prays for you Kunoichi.

It will pass, Kunoichi...I will contiue to pray for u....

I'll pray as well. I can understand what you're going through, from the standpoint of knowing you're forgiven, but at the same time, not being able to forgive yourself. If we are truly repentent about something, God knows, and He forgives us. He also wants us to move on, and beating ourselves up over something that we've been forgiven of is just walking into the devil's trap of a pity-party. I don't want to sound harsh, but he is called "the accuser" for a reason.

Just remind yourself that we're all human, and we sometimes dig pits that we have a hard time getting out of, and once we're out we realize what a mistake we've made. All we can do is be contrite, be forgiven and forgive ourselves, and move on with our lives--but we'll be a little wiser this time, having learned from our mistakes. I hope this helps. God sees you as a beautiful flower (or princess, or whatever beautiful thing/person you want to be seen as); after all, He died for you because He loves you.

Remember Kun, that Jesus is with you and will never leave you no matter what you have done or will do. Just rest in Him.
Hang in there, friend. We'll be praying for you.

"Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted."

After reading your prayer request, I suddently understand that verse in a whole new light and on a deeper level. Thank you.

I agree in prayer with you, Kunoichi. May the wounds of your heart be healed. And let our vices be overcomed by our Love with Jesus. Amen.

You must not set for yourself a standard of being worthy of God's (or anyone else's for that matter) Love. In God's case, it is grace. Jesus made the sacrifice for you; full well knowing your faults He made the sacrifice anyway. On the human side, your (ex) boyfriend is willing to, at least, remain friends with you despite your faults.

As you can see, love does not require reciprocation. Love is not paid for. One is not worthy or non-worthy of love, because love is exclusively an act on the part of the giver who makes the choice of who to love. As it sometimes happens, you love someone who, by all rights, should really be upset you. However you love them anyway because you can look past the flaws to the soul beyond the surface, and know that you can help them do better.

Note: if you ever have children, you should repeat the above text to yourself on a frequent basis to keep you from getting your kids shock collars for Christmas (jk)

Wow....Well God loves you and I'm sure he has forgiven you. Just keep looking up to Jesus, he will help you overcome this. I'll be praying you. God Bless.

I guess everyone has said it pretty well already, but I wanted to go ahead and say it too: God has forgiven you, regardless of whether or not you might feel like it right now. Christ as already taken these sins upon Himself, regardless of how hard it feels to let go of them now. Best of all, The Lord has already declared that He is making you into the image of His Son, regardless of what we see in ourselves now.

Anyway, I'm absolutely praying that The Lord will grant you peace and joy now and a clearer understanding of what He's up to for your future

Thank you all!

Yes, I broke up with my boyfriend recently because I nee dto find myself....I'm liek a lost puppy...I may date or may not, but I want to focus on the Lord. Please pray that I can do this too!

I also want to be able to honestly and wholeheartedly say to myself that I am beautiful...cuz I do not htink that I am. I want to be able to say it about my physical appearances and about my heart.

Please pray for my ex boyfriend too as he struggles through this whole situation, his name is Christian.

SP1 lol i want to buy that for kids now! (Teach children, drive me nuts sometimes!)

I pray for you KUNOIISHI.

GOD BLESS YOU!!!