ok...if need be, feel free to bannninate me if it leads to it....
I was afraid to oost this since I had always felt thsi place more strict than AA
My mom passed away last Feb 6th....she had been feeling something wrong since the 31st....but thought it was heart burn.
At first I had a brain fart and consulted a friend that was going through medical school but of course since she was going through school, she couldn't really do anything if you know what I meanand suggested I take her to a hospital but she said she was fine....the next day or day after she went to clean a house and came to pick me up at my work and my coworker that was close to her too saw her and noticed she wasn't looking quite right and asked where she hurt and she pointed to her chest so my coworker took her to a nearby clinic after notifying me.....
Hours later my sister's boss came and picked me up and took me home and since it's so long since...the next thing I remember is that we all visited my mom next and she was ok and I loged on and even logge onto Matrix Online and relayed well wishes from my Merv PVP faction to my mom....
Then days later even though my sis had scheduled a stent at 12 noon on Fri....these two nurses decided to start it early and then decided to call my sis to get permission and she was on her way and she was like "say what??" so they backed out of it after sis questioned them about it and after mom gone off of the drugs i was too late because the docs went home already by that time??
I'm sorry I am drunk when I finish this and I know I coudl be bannninated when I admit this but how can God be so cruel to take my mom from me at this time????? Before I can prove to her that interracial relationships are ok and it is possible for long distance/internet relationshipa are ok???? That they do work??? Why would God be so cruel to take her from me right before I graduated from college and am able to try to move out on my own and learnwhat it is like???? T€o get situated on my own??? To learn the truith about my disabiity benifits and that I can't get married without them being cancelled???
How can I not hate God when all this crap is happening? Most of my dreams are over. I want one kid to "correct" me growing up without a dad and also surviving my teeen years with a crappy stepdad....
I have so much to prove and so much to do and it's so overwelming and everything and everyone is against me and maybe the rest of you are against me as well....
sorry I've been sidetracked by someone here so I'd better post this and be prepared for bannination unless...well....you know....
Much belated new news.....pray for me....
7 posts •
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Psycho Molos - Posts: 489
- Joined: Sun Oct 19, 2003 2:47 pm
I'll pray for you tonight, and I whole heartedly know where you come from on this.
There are no words that could come from my mouth that would be able to provide much, since I do not know how much hurt you have. Hence, why I will put you in my prayers tonight and keep you in them this weekend. Just know that there are people that care about you, even if they may not know you all that well.
There are no words that could come from my mouth that would be able to provide much, since I do not know how much hurt you have. Hence, why I will put you in my prayers tonight and keep you in them this weekend. Just know that there are people that care about you, even if they may not know you all that well.
Hiyakawa Sayaka (my character from my writing) wrote:God has given me a gift, that I really don't know what to do with. I guess, all I can do is put it in his hands, keep my hands inside the car, and expect to end up destroying parts of Tokyo with my perfectly good guitar.
Revelation 1:10-11: I was in the Spirit on the Lord's day, and I heard behind me a loud voice like the sound of a trumpet, saying, [color="Red"]"Write in a book what you see, and send it to the seven churches to Ephesus and to Smyrna, and to Pergamum and to Theyatira, and at Sardis, and to Philadelphia, and to Laodicea."[/color]
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Sakaki Onsei - Posts: 312
- Joined: Wed Apr 26, 2006 3:15 pm
- Location: Where God can easily access me
You have my prayers too....Though, I've never been in that situation before I'm not sure if there's anything I could say that would help.....
....But looking at your post I think there's something u should ask urself:
"What would ur mom want u to do now that she's gone?" Would she want you to just give up or would she want u to move forward to accomplish ur dreams and/or life-long goals (whatever they may be)?
If u need someone to talk to or someone to get stuff off ur cheast to, just pm any of us here (my self included) and we'll be glad to listen.
On a side note, I didn't think Mervs were that friendly, but, hey, I'm more of a zionist myself, so, I guess I'm a little biased (when it comes to that....never actually played the game...always wanted to though...kept up with the story for quite a while, though...)...
We'll all be prayin for you....
....But looking at your post I think there's something u should ask urself:
"What would ur mom want u to do now that she's gone?" Would she want you to just give up or would she want u to move forward to accomplish ur dreams and/or life-long goals (whatever they may be)?
If u need someone to talk to or someone to get stuff off ur cheast to, just pm any of us here (my self included) and we'll be glad to listen.
On a side note, I didn't think Mervs were that friendly, but, hey, I'm more of a zionist myself, so, I guess I'm a little biased (when it comes to that....never actually played the game...always wanted to though...kept up with the story for quite a while, though...)...
We'll all be prayin for you....
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Danderson - Posts: 1277
- Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2007 12:42 pm
- Location: The Middle of the USA
Yeah thank you...
anyway more to add...
My aunt and sister found what is in effect a 20 year old will...handwritten and not official but a will is a will. Mom meant to change it but didn't...so part of it said that in case of her death, my sis and I would have my aunt and uncle as guardians, so since sis and aunt were worried about what I'd do since I'm mildly disabled, they went to the court and got to be joint legal guardians. There have been many things going on including that to make me think they are gradually trying to control my life and make me into them and thinking like them.
They thought about this place in Tulsa that they went to ...forgot the name of it....but they are this assisted living place and when aunt and sis asked they were told that there might be a job opening for me too there for my degree. Then when we were apartment hunting we forgot where the place was and looked at a few other places anyway and then went to look at this place across the street from my work which is kinda like an assistant living but all the residents there are required to be on meds and see a doc on a regular basis.
By this time, my aunt had gone to the family doctor that mom and I use to do estate business and then made an apointment for me because they had been concerned about my temper since there had been a few yelling episodes and one of them I was beating on inanimate objects. So I went to the doc and both aunt and I told him why they think I should be on meds and I was prescribed prozac....month two my dosage was upped and eventually after getting on this Associated Centers for Therapy place (a step to get in at those apartments) I got changed to Zoloft but yet this last visit there, my dosage got halved... the last prescription was 100 mg pills but I was told to take half unless I needed the full pill
Before all of this happening however...the week after graduating college, my aunt came to talk with me and told me that she was going to make me give away my cat, the last pet that mom and I had left alive, because even though I was still in the middle of the semester when mom died and had homework and crap, they still expected me to take care of the litter box every day. They said I wasn 't taking care of the box often and I wasn't doing it right. I'd leave poop in it for two days and stuff and before I was made to get this three pan sifting box, they claimed I had problems rotating the litter...they gradually made me get more expensive litter that was "better" and absorbed odor and didn't clump like heck.
It got to where eventually that plus all the horror stories they gave me about how bills in an apartment would be like, as well as security deposits for pets, and sis saying that if and when I move in with her to wait for an apartment opening up at that one place, that she didn't want my cat peeing on her nice carpet, that I decided to get rid of my cat anyway and try to adopt her out.
this is long enough, the final little bit would come later.
anyway more to add...
My aunt and sister found what is in effect a 20 year old will...handwritten and not official but a will is a will. Mom meant to change it but didn't...so part of it said that in case of her death, my sis and I would have my aunt and uncle as guardians, so since sis and aunt were worried about what I'd do since I'm mildly disabled, they went to the court and got to be joint legal guardians. There have been many things going on including that to make me think they are gradually trying to control my life and make me into them and thinking like them.
They thought about this place in Tulsa that they went to ...forgot the name of it....but they are this assisted living place and when aunt and sis asked they were told that there might be a job opening for me too there for my degree. Then when we were apartment hunting we forgot where the place was and looked at a few other places anyway and then went to look at this place across the street from my work which is kinda like an assistant living but all the residents there are required to be on meds and see a doc on a regular basis.
By this time, my aunt had gone to the family doctor that mom and I use to do estate business and then made an apointment for me because they had been concerned about my temper since there had been a few yelling episodes and one of them I was beating on inanimate objects. So I went to the doc and both aunt and I told him why they think I should be on meds and I was prescribed prozac....month two my dosage was upped and eventually after getting on this Associated Centers for Therapy place (a step to get in at those apartments) I got changed to Zoloft but yet this last visit there, my dosage got halved... the last prescription was 100 mg pills but I was told to take half unless I needed the full pill
Before all of this happening however...the week after graduating college, my aunt came to talk with me and told me that she was going to make me give away my cat, the last pet that mom and I had left alive, because even though I was still in the middle of the semester when mom died and had homework and crap, they still expected me to take care of the litter box every day. They said I wasn 't taking care of the box often and I wasn't doing it right. I'd leave poop in it for two days and stuff and before I was made to get this three pan sifting box, they claimed I had problems rotating the litter...they gradually made me get more expensive litter that was "better" and absorbed odor and didn't clump like heck.
It got to where eventually that plus all the horror stories they gave me about how bills in an apartment would be like, as well as security deposits for pets, and sis saying that if and when I move in with her to wait for an apartment opening up at that one place, that she didn't want my cat peeing on her nice carpet, that I decided to get rid of my cat anyway and try to adopt her out.
this is long enough, the final little bit would come later.
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Psycho Molos - Posts: 489
- Joined: Sun Oct 19, 2003 2:47 pm
hey calm down, I know life is tough...I can't answer all of your questions, but know this GOD is with you!!!He loves you and he knows why he does things. Sometimes they are trials to make us stronger, sometimes there are things so that later in life we can counsel others, sometimes it is by our own choices, and finally sometimes when no explanation is left...it is just GOD's will. Look around you, look at all the atoms, molecules, everything alive or dead...GOD has His ways, and HE wouldn't sacrifice his one and only Son for someone he doesn't love. It's like if you have a pet and you shoot it for your enemies life although you know they never will...now those that make any sence? GOD LOVES YOU!!!!this is one thing I am sure about!
GOD bless you!!!
GOD bless you!!!
[color="Red"]If GOD brings you to it, He will bring you through it.- unknown.[SIZE="3"][color="Magenta"][color="Red"][/color][/color][/SIZE]:angel:[/color]
[color="Lime"][color="Lime"]"GOD isn't sitting far away with a magnifying glass, but HE is an ever present GOD" -unknown
-meaning he is with us all the time.[/color][/color]
[color="Magenta"]"If you don't trust your wings, you'll be caught in the mountain."-myself:angel:
meaning- "If you don't trust GOD, you'll be caught in the problem."- myself[/color]
[color="Red"]@)}[/color][color="YellowGreen"]-'-,[/color]
[color="Red"]"The farthest distance between a problem and a solution, is the distance between your knees and the floor."- unknown.[/color]
[color="Lime"][color="Lime"]"GOD isn't sitting far away with a magnifying glass, but HE is an ever present GOD" -unknown
-meaning he is with us all the time.[/color][/color]
[color="Magenta"]"If you don't trust your wings, you'll be caught in the mountain."-myself:angel:
meaning- "If you don't trust GOD, you'll be caught in the problem."- myself[/color]
[color="Red"]@)}[/color][color="YellowGreen"]-'-,[/color]
[color="Red"]"The farthest distance between a problem and a solution, is the distance between your knees and the floor."- unknown.[/color]
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12praiseGOD - Posts: 615
- Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: home is where the heart is
Sorry for not getting back quickly and finishing the whole news....
The whole thing about the apartment hunting is that before my mom died, the plan was to graduate and then then have an easier time getting a new job and getting an apartment but also I was planning to get out of state. Actually I was quite horrible to my mom for about half the time the last few years and her mentality of loving to argue and arguing to win and her thinking she was right no matter what didn't help much. I was and still am sick of Oklahoma and always thought that there must be quite a bit of truth in Connie Chung's crack when she was reporting in OKC shortly after that bombing and that if all women born in this state of parents also born here were stupid and stubborn then I wouldn't want any part of them. I also thought that was why mom didn't like my third ex-gf because she wanted to keep me here and that she didn't want to move to any other state because she always found something wrong with just about all the states and that OK could do no wrong, that it was the "land of milk and honey." For instance she didn't like Florida because of all the hispanics there, doesn't like the southwestern states because they are too hot and when she was young, my grandpa always went to Cali to visit his mom on vacation and they never went anywhere else on summer vacation...etc etc (oh and my 3rd ex lives in Arkansas and you can of course imagine what she thought of there...plus the Clintons came out of there...)
Anyway I didn't even know or realize about stuff like property taxes for houses and that apartments have many levels of seperating utility and rent bills and that the ones where one won't have separate utility bills are the ones that have extremely high rent until now. I also assumed along with mom that I had SSI and would always have it....
Which leads me to another ordeal. I won't say how much of course but sis and I split the life insurance money and we got the checks in the mail in those document style type envelopes. When I got mine, my aunt was over and at that time I had a US Robotics router that I got when I got my laptop and when mom was alive we'd have occasional problems with losing wifi...well after she passed, the problems increased more and more until I realized I must have a lemon or something or that the manufacturing was otherwise faulty. At the time that I got my half of the insurance, I was in the computer room rebooting the router and my aunt came back there and told me to put the check in a safe place and then went back out to the dining room. I was still working with the router so I opened up this area in the top part of the computer desk and put it under a pile of floppies, hidden and then the next time my aunt saw me I was in my room....we all decided that night to wait until we could see how depositing the check in my bank would affect my benefits so it was months before we did that.
When we did, we learned that bank account size doesn't matter but I don't have SSI, I have something called "survivor's benefits for a disabled adult child" that I am drawing off of my dad and that they recently saw that I've been earning a gross pay (I guess...) close to the current limit and that if I go over that limit, then they cut my benefits (it doesn't matter if my condition is permanent or not) and if I get married, the benefits go "bye bye" as well.
The following Monday my sister tells me on way home from work to go in and get the check so we could deposit it and asks if I remember where I put it but I actually forgot and thought it was still on the kitchen table in this pile and of course you guys might think of her reaction...so I went in and checked where I hide my paycheck cash and my birthday money in my room and didn't find it. So we spent all night "tearing my room apart" to find it, my aunt got involved and kept calling for checkups, and then eventually asks me if I was throwing out junk and I said yea and she told me that she'd call back one more time and if I didn't find it then she'd come in the morning when I'm working and start pitching so I sat down after and wrote a list of what I don't want thrown out....classic literature, other books that are hard to replace, my Battletech novels and manuals, my other RPG books, and my manga. I even threatened to dump my other cat's ashes out of her urn in the middle of the backyard if aunt threw out my Shonen Jumps that I collect solely for "One Piece" (you might think I'm strange but I have read OP to my dead cat since I discovered it but have fallen behind too).... and at the end I even made a suicidal threat....but the note only ticked my aunt off when she actually came but she didn't have time to come in the morning....she then told me that when I move, and they help me, they would only bring me one tiny box and any that I can fit in the box is what I'll take and the rest has to go because her and my uncle won't do more than that.
So I concocted a plan to save my library since I've been and still are very paranoid about the possibility of moving and then not have enough money and then having to gradually sell off my posessions to live and then the only entertainment I would have would be to sit around and watch paint, wallpaper and dry wall peal and crack. The main part of the plan was find websites where I can download classic literature (especially for free) and downloaded all the titles that I have that I could find, then that part was improved when I found that Drive Thru RPG has a fiction part when I was looking for a few of my manuals in PDF format to purchase so I've purchased a lot of my other books in electronic format too.
The next part of this plan, Operation Ninjutsu, is what some of you might not agree with. I started sneaking all my manga (ALL OF IT) up to my work, after asking around and explaining around I got two of my coworkers to help me, and I started boxing up my manga, my game manuals, my books, and my campaign folders and they'd take the boxes to their homes to keep until I move. I kept it secret at first and then gradually thought up and revealed the story that I'm having my manga illegally scanlated by "friends of friends" and uploaded to free websites for me to download and that they are typing a chapter a day or something of the books into text files and uploading them for me too. It's now to the point that my sister now knows so I overtly take them up there now but she thinks that these "friends of friends" work near where I work and I walk over to them and make the drop.
I do this because they nag me saying that it would all be a fire hazard in an apartment when...hellooooo...virtually all my books are confined to my bedroom; either my doctor's desk that I got from my dad, a tall bookcase in my closet, a shorter bookcase next to that, and 1.5 shelves of this larger bookcase in the computer room.
Oh btw, we did find where I hid my half of the life insurance anyway.
The whole thing about the apartment hunting is that before my mom died, the plan was to graduate and then then have an easier time getting a new job and getting an apartment but also I was planning to get out of state. Actually I was quite horrible to my mom for about half the time the last few years and her mentality of loving to argue and arguing to win and her thinking she was right no matter what didn't help much. I was and still am sick of Oklahoma and always thought that there must be quite a bit of truth in Connie Chung's crack when she was reporting in OKC shortly after that bombing and that if all women born in this state of parents also born here were stupid and stubborn then I wouldn't want any part of them. I also thought that was why mom didn't like my third ex-gf because she wanted to keep me here and that she didn't want to move to any other state because she always found something wrong with just about all the states and that OK could do no wrong, that it was the "land of milk and honey." For instance she didn't like Florida because of all the hispanics there, doesn't like the southwestern states because they are too hot and when she was young, my grandpa always went to Cali to visit his mom on vacation and they never went anywhere else on summer vacation...etc etc (oh and my 3rd ex lives in Arkansas and you can of course imagine what she thought of there...plus the Clintons came out of there...)
Anyway I didn't even know or realize about stuff like property taxes for houses and that apartments have many levels of seperating utility and rent bills and that the ones where one won't have separate utility bills are the ones that have extremely high rent until now. I also assumed along with mom that I had SSI and would always have it....
Which leads me to another ordeal. I won't say how much of course but sis and I split the life insurance money and we got the checks in the mail in those document style type envelopes. When I got mine, my aunt was over and at that time I had a US Robotics router that I got when I got my laptop and when mom was alive we'd have occasional problems with losing wifi...well after she passed, the problems increased more and more until I realized I must have a lemon or something or that the manufacturing was otherwise faulty. At the time that I got my half of the insurance, I was in the computer room rebooting the router and my aunt came back there and told me to put the check in a safe place and then went back out to the dining room. I was still working with the router so I opened up this area in the top part of the computer desk and put it under a pile of floppies, hidden and then the next time my aunt saw me I was in my room....we all decided that night to wait until we could see how depositing the check in my bank would affect my benefits so it was months before we did that.
When we did, we learned that bank account size doesn't matter but I don't have SSI, I have something called "survivor's benefits for a disabled adult child" that I am drawing off of my dad and that they recently saw that I've been earning a gross pay (I guess...) close to the current limit and that if I go over that limit, then they cut my benefits (it doesn't matter if my condition is permanent or not) and if I get married, the benefits go "bye bye" as well.
The following Monday my sister tells me on way home from work to go in and get the check so we could deposit it and asks if I remember where I put it but I actually forgot and thought it was still on the kitchen table in this pile and of course you guys might think of her reaction...so I went in and checked where I hide my paycheck cash and my birthday money in my room and didn't find it. So we spent all night "tearing my room apart" to find it, my aunt got involved and kept calling for checkups, and then eventually asks me if I was throwing out junk and I said yea and she told me that she'd call back one more time and if I didn't find it then she'd come in the morning when I'm working and start pitching so I sat down after and wrote a list of what I don't want thrown out....classic literature, other books that are hard to replace, my Battletech novels and manuals, my other RPG books, and my manga. I even threatened to dump my other cat's ashes out of her urn in the middle of the backyard if aunt threw out my Shonen Jumps that I collect solely for "One Piece" (you might think I'm strange but I have read OP to my dead cat since I discovered it but have fallen behind too).... and at the end I even made a suicidal threat....but the note only ticked my aunt off when she actually came but she didn't have time to come in the morning....she then told me that when I move, and they help me, they would only bring me one tiny box and any that I can fit in the box is what I'll take and the rest has to go because her and my uncle won't do more than that.
So I concocted a plan to save my library since I've been and still are very paranoid about the possibility of moving and then not have enough money and then having to gradually sell off my posessions to live and then the only entertainment I would have would be to sit around and watch paint, wallpaper and dry wall peal and crack. The main part of the plan was find websites where I can download classic literature (especially for free) and downloaded all the titles that I have that I could find, then that part was improved when I found that Drive Thru RPG has a fiction part when I was looking for a few of my manuals in PDF format to purchase so I've purchased a lot of my other books in electronic format too.
The next part of this plan, Operation Ninjutsu, is what some of you might not agree with. I started sneaking all my manga (ALL OF IT) up to my work, after asking around and explaining around I got two of my coworkers to help me, and I started boxing up my manga, my game manuals, my books, and my campaign folders and they'd take the boxes to their homes to keep until I move. I kept it secret at first and then gradually thought up and revealed the story that I'm having my manga illegally scanlated by "friends of friends" and uploaded to free websites for me to download and that they are typing a chapter a day or something of the books into text files and uploading them for me too. It's now to the point that my sister now knows so I overtly take them up there now but she thinks that these "friends of friends" work near where I work and I walk over to them and make the drop.
I do this because they nag me saying that it would all be a fire hazard in an apartment when...hellooooo...virtually all my books are confined to my bedroom; either my doctor's desk that I got from my dad, a tall bookcase in my closet, a shorter bookcase next to that, and 1.5 shelves of this larger bookcase in the computer room.
Oh btw, we did find where I hid my half of the life insurance anyway.
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Psycho Molos - Posts: 489
- Joined: Sun Oct 19, 2003 2:47 pm
Dude... I'm not gonna act like I've got magical wise insight that'll bake all the drama better, but I am praying.
[font="Book Antiqua"][color="Purple"]For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this: that one died for all, therefore all died; and he that died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf. II Corinthians 5:14-15[/color][/font]
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Blitzkrieg1701 - Posts: 1884
- Joined: Wed Jun 02, 2004 9:01 am
- Location: Washington, DC (when I'm not in an alternate universe)
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