I just want it to stop...
PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 9:36 am
Yeah, I'm bad, I haven't been in the prayer room for a while :/ Lately I've been doing lots of thinking on different things and yeah...
Anyways, there's something that's bugging me and has been for years actually, now that I think about it. I know I already made a topic on OCPD, but sometimes I actually think I have OCD as well. For a long time now, I think things I do NOT want to think. It's not in my personality, I don't want them, but they're there. Usually, I have to convince my 'actual' self that it's not really me thinking that way, because they are usually mean, selfish thoughts. Sometimes I wonder if some things I think (not just these bad ones) are just hindsight, because of my anxiety, or what (from in the past). But lately, it's not good thoughts, it's not my personality to have them and I want them to stop. My brain feels like a wreak when this happens and I want to be positive and push them out. I'm just glad I have my 'actual self' there to talk it down and think 'no, that's not it, that's not how I think'. Whether it's OCD or a negative faction putting these things in my head to make me depressed or create more anxiety, I do not know and I'm not good at discerning, nor want to try to think of what it is, that's what gets me more confused. Thing is, I've thought negatively in the past and things didn't turn out the way I wanted but I always had a lingering anxiety. Still, not to say I have anxiety now, but maybe it was just there to bring me down or to create a 'hindsight' effect, rather than a 'I told you so' effect.
I don't know if this is making ANY sense, but on any case, I want these negative thoughts that enter my head to go away... I don't want them, they aren't my personality.
Anyways, there's something that's bugging me and has been for years actually, now that I think about it. I know I already made a topic on OCPD, but sometimes I actually think I have OCD as well. For a long time now, I think things I do NOT want to think. It's not in my personality, I don't want them, but they're there. Usually, I have to convince my 'actual' self that it's not really me thinking that way, because they are usually mean, selfish thoughts. Sometimes I wonder if some things I think (not just these bad ones) are just hindsight, because of my anxiety, or what (from in the past). But lately, it's not good thoughts, it's not my personality to have them and I want them to stop. My brain feels like a wreak when this happens and I want to be positive and push them out. I'm just glad I have my 'actual self' there to talk it down and think 'no, that's not it, that's not how I think'. Whether it's OCD or a negative faction putting these things in my head to make me depressed or create more anxiety, I do not know and I'm not good at discerning, nor want to try to think of what it is, that's what gets me more confused. Thing is, I've thought negatively in the past and things didn't turn out the way I wanted but I always had a lingering anxiety. Still, not to say I have anxiety now, but maybe it was just there to bring me down or to create a 'hindsight' effect, rather than a 'I told you so' effect.
I don't know if this is making ANY sense, but on any case, I want these negative thoughts that enter my head to go away... I don't want them, they aren't my personality.