CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Well Okami -sama gave me the strength to do this and my hands are shaking as I type.

I'm going to be brief as possible for my struggles are many and yet to many, they will seem nothing.

well first thing, I deal with depression a lot and demosn. Before I came to God, I was into witchcraft and dealt a lot with demons. For whatever reason, the Lord has gifted me with spiritual discernment. I know when they are around, or when they are talking to me. But they are strong and know my every weakness.

I get depressed alot, this last month, there was not more than two days that went by that I had not thought of killing myself. Many of you may say, you need to see a counselor or you need meds etc. If that is your suggestion please do not post to this thread.

This past two weeks, I have literally no money, praise God I have a place to live and food to eat but I have no money, no car and no confidence at my job anymore..although that seems to be improving slightly.

Anyways,

if any one thing that I have learned in all this is that my battle isn't against Flesh and blood. It is not with my boss nor with my finances, but against the dark powers on this world that would love to see nothing more than me ending my life. And although the thoughts have been strong, the Lord has given me strength to resist.

Two weeks ago, I was getting migraines, that entire week I thought I had a tumor in my brain. Had MRI and blood work done so that was a bit stressful.

Then my job was not going well, something that I have done for 8 years and I almost got fired....

Praise God that he gave me a God fearing man in my life. And even now, when I have no means or resources to get out of this pit, I will praise God now and publicly.

That is the hardest thing, and as I type this something that I have realized. God puts you through these trials to make you more like him. I have to keep asking the Lord: How much more do you want from me? Even now, he says "Everything".

I do not know where my strength will come, for my strength this past has only been from the grace of God. THere are days I can not get out of bed or I feel that very moment, I will take my life and rid the world of myself.

That is what the demons will whisper. That I ruin this world and that I am worthless. They know my weaknesses and they prey upon them.

Please pray that the Most High God would keep me strong through this. Although praise be to God that He is refining me. However, the spirit is willing, the flesh weak and I am weak.

For those of you that do not agree with me, that is fine. But please, all criticism down to a minimum for I have all but had my strength destroyed and I come to you , my brothers and sisters in Christ, as someone who is forlorn, crawling and barely moving.

Thank you

Kunoichi

I firmly believe that God loves everyone, even the "useless." When others have turned on your back, even when you have turned on yourself, God won't ever in a million years. I'll pray for you.

kunoichi, you mentioned that those spirits tell you that you are worthless, but that is not true, remeber that the spirits are lying, they come from all evil and unworthines, they are the ones that are unworthy, they are the ones that betraied GOD even from the begining. ALL THEY want to do is harm you, the way they will do that is by getting you to the point to where you want to kill yourself, and if you do. Then they will have all eternity to tourture you, do not fall for their evil tricks. GOD gave you that power for a reason, the reason is that you may know when they are around and that it is not GOD speaking to you, but them. He has also given you that power so that you may be a great prophet and speaker of the gospel, so that you will be able to distinguish people's emotions, but first you have to take your part in it, so that you will comprehend even better, just as Jesus came to earth so that He could first hand, tell the father even furthurly into detail how it feels to be a human. GOD already kneew anyway, I know, but He sent Jesus so that we would know by phisical means that GOD really does know, rather than us just hearing the word that HE knows be cause HE knows, we would think back on that HE really does know, because HE experienced it. DO not fear, GOD is with you. I tell you this with the gift the I belive GOD has given me, to really hear HIM in my head, I don't know everything, for HE doesn't tell me everything, for I am just like anyone else, I cannot know all that there is.. thats just a fact, but I will try to use my gift to the best of my abilities to help you, Okami, and others.
GOD BLESS YOU!!!

Wow.....never would have thought my suffering would actually help someone come out with their own story.

I'm truly humbled.

And I'll be praying for you over the next few weeks and beyond Well, as best as I can until my prayer life gets resituated. I'll do my best!

I'll be praying for you, Kunoichi.

To me it sounds like you have the right mindset. Just remember to let Jesus fight your battles, and you stay behind him. He will shield you from harm.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future."

God has a spectacular plan for ya. Don't let satan deter you from Him.

Also God could be trying to strengthen your faith. Delve deeper and I promise things will be better. Give praise to God in all things and things will look brighter.

Kunoichi wrote:That is what the demons will whisper. That I ruin this world and that I am worthless. They know my weaknesses and they prey upon them.

Please pray that the Most High God would keep me strong through this. Although praise be to God that He is refining me. However, the spirit is willing, the flesh weak and I am weak.

well yeah, in a way you are ruining their world, demons can't stand the idea of someone actually being serious about their relationship with God and when someone really starts to grow in it and start to demonstrate perseverance and actually depending on God for things...they...well...get ticked off, they don't like that, so in that sense, yeah, you are ruining their world, because you are influencing it and drawing others to Christ, and for that, you get a rockfist

and every time someone says you're worthless, remind them that you are bought with a high price (1 Corinthians 6:20), Jesus shed His own blood and gave His own life with you in mind


my friend, i will be praying for you just as you are praying for me, it is so often in my own times of struggle that rather than thinking of ending my life i run to Christ and cast myself down at His feet to seek refuge from both the wickedness within me and the evil that prowls about us. Never ever give up, because no matter how bleak things appear, and no matter how far you may feel you have fallen, you are not without God, even if we make our beds in hell, He is there with us.

My only advice to you is this: to immerse yourself in God's word, for in there lies the key to our resisting the evil one just as Jesus did and to immerse yourself in God's presence daily, for in there lies spiritual healing and preparation for whatever may come our way. Remember that you are never tempted beyond what you can handle and The Lord has already provided an escape for you to flee whatever is plaguing you.

All that I wanted to say has been said.....yet, know that you are in my prayers....

And mine too.

You have my prayers as well.

Thank You all

I would like to keep updating this post as this is something that I fear is not going to end for me yet....

Lifting you up, my sister. And here's another Scripture that will hopefully be of help (in the context, it's talking about deceiving spirits):

1 John 4:4 - "You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.."

Duh, you're not useless. You just haven't found the purpose that God gave to you yet.

=] I will be praying, so don't worry. Trust in him, you will find it rewarding in the end.

IF you were worthless why would GOD give HIS LIFE for you, don't worry you are fearfully and wonderfully made. GOD LOVES YOU!!!

GOD BLESS YOU!!!!!!!........you are definetly in my prayers.

I think you might like this poem.

GOD hath not promised
Skies always blue,
Flower-strewn pathways,
All our lives Through;
GOD hath not promised,
Sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow,
Peace without pain.

But GOD hath promised
Strength for the day,
Rest for the labor,
Light for the way,
Grace for the trials,
Help from above,
Unfailing sympathy,
Undying love.
-Annie Johnson Flint.

It tells that even though there is pain, love always trives, and allways overrules.

your in my prayers.

check out this verse... Psalm 42:5

"Why are you cast down , Oh my soul?
And why are you disquisited within me?
HOPE in GOD, for I shall yet praise HIM For the help of HIS countenance"

another translation of the same verse...

"My spirit, why are you so sad?
why are you so upset deep down inside me?
Put your HOPE in GOD.
One again I will have reason to praise HIM.
HE is my Savior and my GOD."

and how about this thought form the Pocket Testament League.

"Jesus wept." John 11:35 is the shortest verse in the Bible, yet it tells us so much. It tells us that Jesus knows our troubles, our sorrows, and our hardships. It tells us He knows what it feels like to cry."

Isn't that wonderfull, Still praying for you, my heart goes out to you

[color="Magenta"]GOD BLESS YOU!!!!!!![/color]

huggles:hug::dizzy:

Your guys prayer and support mean so much to me.... never before have I had such a gathering back me up in this....thankyou..

Update:

I praise the most High God even in the depths of my abyss.
It is so hard to keep going to tell myself to get up and move. But God gives me the strength.

I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I will praise God and press on anyways...

For now, my strength is holding although attacked on all sides by the Enemy of us all. Whispering their vile words of deceitful lies.

Please continue to pray, they are not going unanswered or unappreciated.

I will be praying for you.

A passaged that helped me is Jame 4:7
I also wrote a poem about my struggle it's way to long to post if you want to see it PM me.

I am praying for you... Remember GOD is right there with you!!!

GOD BLESS YOU!!!!!!!

just remeber this when you are feeling down...

"What you are accomplishing may seem like a drop in the ovean. But if this drop were not in the ovean, it would be missed" -Mother Teresa

and also...

"You are not alone. W are all connected. You could no more separate yourself from humanity than a wave could separate itself from the ovean ans still be a wave." -Gerald Jampolsky.

Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

I am losing this fight. I want to die....pure and simple.

Yes some of you may write, but that is cowardly and selfish....True, I know that it is...but at the same time..such sweet relief would be so nice, if only for a little while.

Take heart, I may want to die but I'm not going to end my own life...it's God's anyhow..so if he see's fit to put me through hell upon his earth, then his will be done. Perhaps he is putting me through a test to get me to be someone greater...I don't know and i have stopped trying to figure it out.

I have no strength and I cry out to heaven. God is the greatest, holy is his name and his name will reign on forever.

Pray for the strength that I need to survive yet another day.

Just found out...300 dollars to fix my car and i'm already 2000 dollars behind in bills because I haven't been paid yet for my work...(started a new business kind of...long story on that..) Basically no money and my car is broke with 300 dollars to fix...not to mention I have to move in a month and have no money for that either....

Help...................

Kunoichi don't worry GOD is with you, yes this trial is for best. Let me give you some Bible verses.
John 3:16- in other words, GOD loves you very much.
Romans 6:23- Death is what we deserve because of our sin,but...
Romains 6:23- GOD wants to give us Eternal Life
Romans 5: 8-9- Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins so WE would'nt have to die for our sins.

You should recognice that GOD loves you so much, and that HE prayed the ultimate price. I am so glad that you are not planning on harming youself. Hold on. Go to this link I am posting I think it will help you alot. HOLD ON!

http://www.gospelgreeting.com/christianecards/viewCard.asp?cid=299&catid=1

and also...

http://www.gospelgreeting.com/christianecards/viewCard.asp?cid=293&catid=4

Remember to wear your earphones, it has sound to it...

GOD BLESS YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!

huggles:hug:

I cry to you oh Lord, yet at times you are so silent. Are you truly carrying me in this dismal place?

Man..i'm sorry guys..I really am..I feel like I have been such pity partying everything and I know there are others that have it worse off then me...i'm sorry..

I hate telling people how I feel sometimes because too often..it is like I burden them or I feel like..well this shouldn't be a big deal..afterall, I have had my life better off then most...

I just....it is so hard to see light right now..I am stumbling through everything...I am crawling right now....

Don't ever feel like you are putting a burden on me or anyone else, I am here to help you. I wish to give you as much advice as I can, and if I don't know the answer with a free will I will seek it and pray for it. Don't worry i'm here, just ask.

GOD BLESS YOU!!!

Hey Kunoichi, how are you doing.. been a long time since I've heard from you. talk to you soon.
GOD bless you!!!

Hey...

Well God is with me as is my boyfriend....however, I am in a hell that has no light except the promise that God is with us.

we have no money....praise God we have food for right now....and no light as to how we are going to make rent or move....prayer would be appreciated.

I'll pray for you.

I'm praying too!

I'm praying three!!!