Insecure and stuff. D:

[Bap]

Um. How to start this off... xD; well, if you were talk to some of my friends about me and being paranoid, I'd think they'd all agree that I am... sorta paranoid about dumb stuff. xD;

Like, I just get so wrapped in some stuff, and I get all scared. D: sometimes it's actually kinda funny, but other times it's just... really annoying and I find it hard to be at... peace, I guess you could say? xD;

Like one of my insecurities would be when I'm praying to God and stuff, and my mind tends to "what if" a lot, so of course it'd do this with prayer too, and I've constantly gotten the thought into my head, "what if I'm actually unconsciously not praying to God and someone else instead. D:"

Someone else as in... not... God. >_>; if... you know what I mean.

and when I get a dumb thought into my head, I try to reason it out... but honestly, how the heck would I know what I'm unconsciously doing? xD;;;

I mean... I'm like, playing Pokemon or something, and I dunno if anyone else does this or if I'm alone in my madness, (xD;) but I sorta like. Talk to them? ;;): And of course the whole. Unconsciously talking to that someone else pops up into my head for this too. >_>

I mean, I just keep ruining stuff for myself and it just... sucks. D:

Er. xD; sorry if this ramble's long and... confusing. xD; I'm sorta out of it at the moment 'cause I just took a nap. >_>;;;

but. um. lately I've just been sorta like... apathetic about everything. D: Like.. I just don't care about anything anymore. xD; I mean, it's not like... all the time, but it's just... depressing when it happens. D:

So... yeah. xD; Oh, and on. Wednesday. Our youth... ministry... thing. Is having a trip to the beach, so it'd be cool if you could pray for that. :D I'm kinda excited for it 'cause I've been going to this church for a while, but I haven't really found a friend, and you know. Living together for like... a week, hopefully will remedy that, right? xD;

AND. YEAH. :D;;; All in all, please pray for my brain to stop being dumb and ruining innocent things like prayer and Pokemon for me. ); And the. Not caring and the trip. :D That'd be really awesome if you could, and once again, sorry for the incredibly long post. xD;; <3

[Hotarubi]

I'll pray for you.

[Pinecone Tortoi]

Oh I'll definitely be praying for you. I know what that sort of thing is like. I'm reluctant to offer advice because I don't feel like I fully understand it myself. However, I think there's a few things to remember about it:

- Feelings can be very deceptive. There's a difference between thinking about something and actually doing it.

- There's a difference between persisting in doing something because you know the reasons not to are a lie and persisting in doing something because you don't want the reasons not to to be true.

- God is a miracle worker and fully deserving of our trust.

In the end, I decided that there was no way of me stopping thoughts arriving (and I have my suspicions they weren't just from the physical oddities of my brain). It just wasn't physically possible. Sure I tried, but that left me both unsuccessful and very tired. My solution? Ask God to keep me from sinning, if indeed it was a sin at all. It didn't stop the thoughts from coming, nor the doubt, but God promised a way out from under temptation and short of offing myself, this is the only way I've found. It's very confusing - believe me, I know. But the fact was, it was crippling me badly and I don't believe God gave me this life so I could spend it worrying in a corner over whether or not I did something wrong. That doesn't fit with what He calls us to - freedom, peace, righteousness and love.

I also suggest you talk about this with someone mature in the faith. This is not something you want to face alone. It sounds hauntingly like the start of the problems I went through. It gets a lot worse if you let it get away. I don't know where you're at with it, but if the stress has been intense, you may need a checkup at the doctors. That sort of permanent worry can really mess you around physically.

That said, I do believe this taught me a lot about God, about me and about what needed to be changed in my life. Don't let lessons sneak by! I know how painful that confusion can be - don't let it be all for nothing!

I'll pray for you about this - for clarity, truth, peace, healing and freedom from those thoughts. And as someone who's gone through this, I know how powerful prayer can be - about twice when I was really struggling, things got so much better. It didn't cure it, but it's all helped to get me here today. Don't give up!

And, of course, I'll pray for your trip to the beach. Hope that goes really well!

Piney.

[Tenshi no Ai]

*nods with the above*

Don't forget about the not praying to God thing, if you're praying to HIM, it is in fact to Him and he can hear it all^^ Praying...

[Danderson]

So... yeah. xD][/b]D I'm kinda excited for it 'cause I've been going to this church for a while, but I haven't really found a friend, and you know. Living together for like... a week, hopefully will remedy that, right? xD;

This beach trip almost sounds similar to an event called High School Leadership Training (HSLT) that my church youth group goes to out in South Carolina in July...
If where your going is similar, then I have know doubt God will show himself to you during that week in a way that will totally blow you away....I'll be prayin for that moment.....

[Bap]

Thanks for the prayers everyone. <3

As for the trip, I dunno about any training, but we are going to South Carolina. xD