CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

i'm hurting. A LOT.
i'm depressed so i'm mentally hurting and i'm also getting physical side-effects.
i feel so alone. my grandmom died as i have in one of my other prayer requests and i watched her go. i cant seem to get those images out of my head. i feel so alone because her and i were so close. she lived right across the street and i'd go over there atlease three times a week and just say hi or play chess with her or "raid her kitchen". but now i cant do that. i feel so ...... empty, alone.... i'm bitter at God because He took her. i know that everyone has their time but... why did her time have to be now?
and with all this upset its like this .... ya know when theres a pool of water and all the dirt is at the bottom and you throw a rock in and the dirt get stirred up? well thats like my emotions. when one thing upsets me it makes everything else come back again. i feel so insecure, ugly, fat, failure, stupid, pathetic, angry, bitter, intolerant, .... i feel like i'm having demon influences again too.
back a year ago when i was in deep depression it felt like there was a cloud over my head constantly and like some invisible force was constantly pulling me down. i feel it again.
i'm trying so hard to resist and to keep my mind off of being depressed and i'm trying to eat healthy and take my vitamins... but i'm not sure if there is much i can do. i think i just have to wait until all my emotions settle down again. it will just take some time.

but please pray for me because i'm hurting and its not fun.
i want to feel better soon. thanks.

I will defidently pray. I hope that your future will be filled with happiness, joy and many friends.

i know i can't possibly imangine what your going through...but i will pray my hardest for you for you to find joy in your life once again.

fairyprincess90 wrote:and with all this upset its like this .... ya know when theres a pool of water and all the dirt is at the bottom and you throw a rock in and the dirt get stirred up? well thats like my emotions. when one thing upsets me it makes everything else come back again.

I have to say, this is one of the most appropriate metaphors I have heard in a very long time]
Quiet Tears (song)

quite tears of grief
punctuate his disbelief
empty words of promised joy
can't console this quiet, aching boy

and all his tears like raindrops fall
midst silent fears on noisy halls
and no one's cheers can pass these walls today

sterile walls so cold
reminisce of wounds so old
and time she slips away
they meet again beneath the clouds so grey

yes time speeds by and dulls the pain
and tears run dry like every rain
it quells each lie - turns sobs to sighs
darkness turns to grey

slowly time slips by
sobbing turns to sighs
emptiness recedes
comfort breaks along the shores of needs

and all these tears through all these years
fade like memories of fears
to be replaced by love's embrace this day

for love enclosed in heaven's hand
transcends the pain of mortal man
as hands once pierced embrace so fierce
twilight turns to day

quiet tears of joy
finally fill his jagged void
as a whisper soft and kind
dances lightly through his mind

when the voice that calmed the sea
whispers "child, you belong to me."
[/quote] If you want to listen to it, you can do so here:
Quiet Tears - MP3 Format


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I'll be praying for you...

I'll pray. pm me if you would like we can talk..