Trying To Stop Cursing.

[Zarn Ishtare]

Well, I must be quick here, but let me give you some insight into my problem:


I work. I work 36 hours a week as a janitor. I work with alot of rough guys that mean well but have a tendancy to curse, and I, picking it up for the sake of "fitting in" (Yes, even at work there is social pressure) haven't been able to stop. It's actually been going on longer than that, but I've only really decided it was a problem here and now. Right now, I feel a draw towards ministry, and thus, I feel it is time to leave behind ALOT of my bad habits so as to be better approved in my work and my walk.


Please pray for me guys, I'll let you know what else I have going on later.

[Jingo Jaden]

In my prayer.

[GrubbTheFragger]

hey man the first step is admiting your problem. I work with the same types of people so i deffiently feel for ya. Its hard to keep your tongue held. But just pray that you'll be a good witness to them and show them that to get your point across you don't need to say curse words.

[SP1]

Well, if you trust these guys at all you might try this: Tell them you are thinking of becoming a better witness and you are trying to tone down your language. You could ask them to help you and 1) try not to curse around you and 2) point it out when you slip. Now, you don't want to come off as saying THEY have a problem, just that you need their help. I mean, if you were an alcoholic, say, and asked people not to drink around you, that wouldn't mean you were bashing them for drinking alcohol, just that you have a problem.

Praying.

[Tenshi no Ai]

I'll be praying about it all too...

[JayF]

Drawing from my experiences with hanging out with old army buddies( the habit of using swearing and body parts as puncuation hasn't died out), here is some pratical tips.

No1) Stick with a sound, or yell that you use in high stress situations. After a few times, your workmates will come to expect that instead of a swear word

2) 5 second rule. Before speaking, have five seconds to configure your thouights. This prevents words you don't want coming out from doing so.

3)Find an alternative word. There's always words that are similar but does not cross the line into swearing.

4)Lastly, don't blame yourself too harshly should you slip. You'll swear more otherwise.

Hope this helped.

[Anna Mae]

Well, everyone else stole all of my advice already, so there's nothing left for me to say but, "I'm praying."

[Zarn Ishtare]

I hate to be flippant about this, but...

IT DIDN'T WORK, lawlz.

Sorry, I don't mean to make this a levity-filled post, but I still can't stop cursing. I still try to stop, but thats hard. I wish I could tell you it was great and I'd stopped, but life doesn't always work like that.

[Peanut]

Could I possibly make a suggestion Zarn, my Youth Pastor way back when used to have the same problem and I remember that he told me that in order to stop cursing he put a rubber band around his wrist and every time he would cursed, he'd pull the rubber band back and let it snap...yes...it hurts but that's why it works. I've never had this problem so I don't know if this will work for you or if my Youth Pastor is just weird. But I do know that by doing this you won't awarding the habit, you will be punishing it and eventually that should work. But, you have to to do it every time that you curse. Anyway, in prayer...

[Miss WWE 2007]

Cursing is a bad habit...to keep from doing it I make up other words or just clear away from it period...as of late I havent been cursing...I want to have a clean mouth.

[Mave]

Wow, that's gonna be tough. I have a tendency to curse when I'm raging mad (thank God that rarely happens). But it sounds like your surroundings make it even harder on you.

I guess I'm going to ask you how and when do you curse?

If you curse to express your anger, then you'll have to look into controlling your source of frustration. Since this is my case, I rarely allow myself to get raging boiling mad or find some other way to take it all out (punch a pillow, beat up an empty carton box, scream etc.)

If you curse in a casual, joking fashion, then perhaps you could try substituting your words. I do that quite a bit. I use shoot, crud, freaking and fudge quite a bit. I occasionally create my own set of dramatic expressions, which ppl find strange but amusing. "Uncle! Oh cruppus!" or some words I've adapted from other ppl "Wah cows! Good griefy! Holy moley guacomoley! Curses! Dangit! Confound it!"

Maybe the last three aren't that great but it's still better than the F word and it's a step toward improvement.

I'll also pray for yah. Remember, this will be a lifelong effort and you most likely won't be able to stop cursing overnight. Start off by changing a few words first or reduce the frequency of usage. Don't give up so quickly and do it for at least 7 times before it becomes a habit. Gambattte!

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

Miss Wee, not the best advice.

Peanut, but some people can grow to enjoy 'light' pain like rubberbands around wrists.

Zane, personally I believe it's a matter of consciously making the decision not to swear. No one said it would be easy, but when you slip don't beat yourself up about it mate, just tell God you're sorry move on and let him work in you. It probably won't be instantaneous, but likely a long journey. Just keep at it and let God help you.
God Bless mate, hope it works out.

[Peanut]

Peanut, but some people can grow to enjoy 'light' pain like rubberbands around wrists.

I never said it would definitely work but that it should work. I just know that that is what my youth pastor did and he doesn't curse. Anyway, yeah, I agree with Warrior 4 Jesus about the whole consciously making a decision not to swear and really how your going to solve this problem. You can control your speech Zarn, it's not like your mouth has a mind of its own, just stay strong and keep attacking the problem and eventually you should win.

[Kaligraphic]

There are no such things as "bad words". The only reason people think they are bad is that they are associated with the lower classes, and by avoiding these words one can show one's superiority. It's not a moral issue, it's a class issue.

By mentally viewing certain words as "bad", and as "lacking in class", you can trivialize those lesser beings who use them, condemning them to forever be your inferiors. Combining this with a deliberately-invoked attitude of superiority will allow you to move toward both the lack of certain words in your own vocabulary and the dismissive condemnation of those who do use those words.

Of course, it'll make you more annoying than the French, but c'est la vie.


(of course, if you're doing it to communicate more effectively with certain groups, all you'd need to do is create a separate "verbal profile", so to speak. It's a lot like learning another language. This goal-oriented approach is much less annoying, but then if those people are religious and find out that you have adapted your verbal mannerisms to communicate more smoothly with them, they may well call you unchristian and a fraud. But it's an option.)

[RedMage]

In that words are just words and there's nothing inherently wrong or sinful about any of them, Kaligraphic is correct.

However...

It's a fact that certain words are commonly used in a sinful way in our society, and even setting aside the issue of actual sin, their use is associated with a lack of class, good manners, call it what you will.

God doesn't call us as Christians to be concerned with pleasing the people around us all the time. We're to please God, not men. However, we are also to avoid doing things that, while they might not be technically sinful, would have the tendency to bring dishonor to the name of Christ or in some way harm our ability to witness.

Consider cursing in the context of what Paul said about eating food that had been offered to idols. "All things are lawful, but not all things are helpful." When considering one's language, one should remember that:

1) even if we personally don't have a conviction that certain language is sinful, other Christians might be convicted differently, and we should therefore refrain from using that language to avoid offending them or causing them to stumble, for the sake of unity and harmony in the body of believers...

2) right or wrong, the non-believing society in which we live considers certain language to be wrong or at the very least uncouth, and since there's certainly no Biblical command which affirms that we should use such language, we would be better off to refrain so that the name of Christ will not be brought into disrepute.

The problem with creating different "language profiles" for use with different groups, as Kaligraphic suggests, is that it fundamentally smacks of deception and duplicity. To talk one way around fellow Christians and a different way around unbelievers only really means that you're being perpetually dishonest to at least two groups of people.

As God is unified and indivisible in his essential essence, so we are called to imitate God by being consistent and honest in our behavior and contact with all other human beings in our daily lives. We all have to choose who we want to be (or, more accurately, figure out who God wants us to be) and ask him to help us become that.

This is an issue I've had to confront personally...over the years, my language gradually deteriorated considerably, to the point where I have no doubt in my mind that it was a sin. I didn't say words that are commonly considered obscene, but I took God's name in vain and spoke casually of damnation and hell constantly. Once I began associating with fellow Christians more frequently and in a closer way, I almost subconsciously "cleaned up" my speech. But eventually the disconnect caught up with me, and in shame I was forced to face up to my own dishonesty and ask God to help me improve.

Creating different "speech profiles" can only result in either one's fellow Christians or one's unbelieving acquaintances, or both, feeling that one is a fraud when and if they discover the change that takes place once you move from one sphere to the other. If you aren't honest and consistent about your language, what else are you putting up a front about? I think we can all agree that we should want everyone, fellow Christians and unbelievers, to feel that they can know and trust us without reservation.

[Kaligraphic]

Some of us interact with more than one demographic, and limiting ourselves to one speech profile in the name of "honesty" will cut off communication just as surely as refusing to speak French to a Frenchman who doesn't speak English. The purpose of Language is communication, not superiority.

It's not really that people even really want honesty in that, it's that they don't want you to associate with anyone different from themselves. They just don't want to admit that, so they rationalize it away as an issue of "honesty".

[Nate]

1) even if we personally don't have a conviction that certain language is sinful, other Christians might be convicted differently, and we should therefore refrain from using that language to avoid offending them or causing them to stumble, for the sake of unity and harmony in the body of believers...

Right, I don't use that kind of language in church or around people who find it offensive, and I don't use it around kids either.

The problem with creating different "language profiles" for use with different groups, as Kaligraphic suggests, is that it fundamentally smacks of deception and duplicity. To talk one way around fellow Christians and a different way around unbelievers only really means that you're being perpetually dishonest to at least two groups of people.

I don't see how, any more than it would be "dishonest" to not eat meat around a vegetarian friend and eat tons of meat with anyone else. It's about respecting others, not being dishonest or duplicitous. I use all kinds of language on my LJ, and when hanging out with certain people. I keep a clean mouth around family and church, not to hide who I am, but to respect their beliefs of what is offensive.

Creating different "speech profiles" can only result in either one's fellow Christians or one's unbelieving acquaintances, or both, feeling that one is a fraud when and if they discover the change that takes place once you move from one sphere to the other. If you aren't honest and consistent about your language, what else are you putting up a front about? I think we can all agree that we should want everyone, fellow Christians and unbelievers, to feel that they can know and trust us without reservation.

And I disagree with this completely. I'm extremely honest about the language I use with people. I constantly say, "Avoid my LJ if you don't like language because I use it a lot." And who are we to judge the convictions of others? We avoid nudity because of the danger of lust as Christians, but if a person is an artist and takes an art class with nude models, are we to say, "Well he goes and looks at naked people so he's not a Christian." By no means! We all have different convictions; if you are convicted to not use that kind of language, then don't use it. If you are convicted to not watch anime with magic, don't watch it. But don't judge others by your own convictions and say a person isn't Christian by what they watch or say.

Also remember Jesus said anyone who called their brother a fool was in danger of the fires of Hell. Fool isn't a "bad word" last time I checked, but Jesus says that calling someone that is a terrible sin. This shows it isn't the word that's the problem but the intent behind it. At least as far as I'm concerned.

EDIT: So as not to misunderstand, I'm not implying you called us fools, I was using it as an example. I don't THINK anyone would read into that, but I thought I'd clear it up.

[RedMage]

Some of us interact with more than one demographic,

Almost everyone does. I believe I mentioned at least two different ones in my post.

and limiting ourselves to one speech profile in the name of "honesty" will cut off communication just as surely as refusing to speak French to a Frenchman who doesn't speak English. The purpose of Language is communication, not superiority.

Insisting on thinking of the issue in terms of a "speech profile" miscasts things, and it seems the only one thinking of language in terms of superiority is you.

Certainly the purpose of language is communication, so we need to speak in a way that the people we're speaking to will understand. Paul became all things to all men, but that meant basing his presentation of the Gospel to the men or Athens by using the Greek religion and philosophy they were familiar with as his starting point, not joining them in their Pagan worship services. Paul spoke in a way his audience would comprehend, but he didn't betray who he was as God's servant. In the same way, living righteous, exemplary lives will do more to bring unbelievers to Christ than quoting Scripture to them - they don't understand the Bible, but they can understand how we act and speak everyday. But living a life of service to God does mean being set apart to an extent, and joining unbelievers in sin so that they'll think we're cool people won't help win them to Christ.

There's a difference between speaking the same language as one's audience and compromising one's principles and/or witness]It's not really that people even really want honesty in that, it's that they don't want you to associate with anyone different from themselves. They just don't want to admit that, so they rationalize it away as an issue of "honesty".[/QUOTE]

Kaligraphic, I mean no offense, but I can't help but get the impression you have some personal bitterness about this subject. I'm truly sorry if you've been hurt in some way related to this issue in the past, but I respectfully suggest that you might want to examine yourself and make sure you don't allow personal bitterness to color the counsel you give to Zarn, your brother in Christ, here in the prayer room.

Zarn apparently has a conviction from God, as I described above, that he should not use certain language. That's between him and God, and it's by no means a doctrinal error that we would be called to correct or rebuke him about, so our job as his brothers and sisters is not to argue with him or put doubt in his mind with our own personal opinions, but offer our support and prayer as best we can.

[RedMage]

I don't see how, any more than it would be "dishonest" to not eat meat around a vegetarian friend and eat tons of meat with anyone else.

There's a fundamental difference between what you eat and the way you talk. Christ said that it's what comes out of a man's mouth that defiles him, not what goes into it. Words are, obviously, how we express ourselves - what we say is a reflection of who we are. Contrary to the old saying, you are not what you eat. You are, to a degree, what you say - and if what you say isn't what you honestly are, then what you are is dishonest.

And I disagree with this completely. I'm extremely honest about the language I use with people. I constantly say, "Avoid my LJ if you don't like language because I use it a lot." And who are we to judge the convictions of others? We avoid nudity because of the danger of lust as Christians, but if a person is an artist and takes an art class with nude models, are we to say, "Well he goes and looks at naked people so he's not a Christian." By no means! We all have different convictions]

Even if your fellow Christian is wrong in judging you based on your language, we are called to put our brothers and sisters before ourselves, and if there is no doctrinal point in danger of being compromised, we should acquiesce to their conviction for the sake of the unity of the body, so that the "weaker brother" will not be caused to stumble.

Just as importantly, if not even more importantly, there are plenty of non-Christians who do have a "conviction" that certain language is wrong. Are we willing to alienate them by presenting an image of a Christian who doesn't even measure up to their personal "moral" standards as a non-believer?

Also remember Jesus said anyone who called their brother a fool was in danger of the fires of Hell. Fool isn't a "bad word" last time I checked, but Jesus says that calling someone that is a terrible sin. This shows it isn't the word that's the problem but the intent behind it. At least as far as I'm concerned.

Yes, we all agree that words have no inherent moral value in and of themselves, but that isn't the issue.

EDIT: So as not to misunderstand, I'm not implying you called us fools, I was using it as an example. I don't THINK anyone would read into that, but I thought I'd clear it up.

Well, I didn't see your post until after the edit, but I wouldn't have interpreted it that way.

Not gentlemen, I really think we should let this drop, as this is verging on the forbidden territory of theological debate, and as I said, this certainly isn't what a prayer room thread is for at the very least.

[narutofreak]

Its hard especially when everyone around you talks in that manner. I know I curse time from time when I get mad! I have been trying to stop but its hard. There are just so many bigots around me who just make me so mad, its hard not to drop the f-bomb. I'll pray for you! I understand how hard it is not to curse.

[Anna Mae]

Well Zarn, how are things going for you by now? Have you made any headway?

[Shinja]

sure thing, swearing can be hard to unlearn

[Seppuku]

used to have a similar problem, in prayers


what might help is replacing curse words with other words, even tho u mean the same thing, its a step in the right direction.