CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

I had wanted to see if my ex had a myspace for a long time, so the thought just came to me "I'll just try one of her email addresses in the search, even though I know it has changed since then"

Well, I did that... I almost wish I hadn't.

Among the things I find out about her:

1. She's now a porn star on a rather well known porn site... No joke... I won't say the site, but anyone familiar with it should know it's the one with the goth girls... The most well known one, I mean...

2. She is apparently wiccan again... I say again because she was Christian when I was with her. She had gotten out of Wicca, and did all the Good Christian youth group things then... You know, against premarital sex, read her Bible, looked like she was trying to have a relationship with God, etc...

3. She's apparently Bisexual... Of course, that's sort of a given on a site like that.... I'm pretty sure everyone there is either bi or just lesbian...

For those who haven't been here for long, the girl i'm talking about is the origin of my screen name... She was the first one to call me that.

I read over some of her blogs... One comment seemed like it was directed at me, actually. She said "I cheated on you because I was scared to break up with you." In reality, if she did it to me, she could have done it to her husband, too.... Or other boyfriends before she got married.

She had no hope, and her greatest point of gratitude was that *this site* wasn't about skinny girls, but was fine with her body type... She hated so much... So many people... So much anger... So much despair...

I remember her roomate in the summer program told me "You better take care of her. Protect her."

Someone just shoot me now...

Oh man, Luke, that's some disturbing news. I'll be praying for you.

Oh my... it's a shock enough just reading that! I'll for sure be praying...

Good grief, that's awful...

I'll be praying for ya...

What're you waiting for? Send her a message but do it sensitively. From what you're describing, its likely she does not have a single friend left in this wolrd who cares about her as herself. Also, if she has gone gothic (kind of the vibes I've been getting or something), this sort of thing is why I founded Seraphim Radio.

You have my thoughts.

Wow, that's awful. I'll be praying.

I also think contact is in order here. Especially if you still care for her. At least get the full details of the situation and make sure she is not doing this out of some sort of desperation.

My prayers go out to you man.

That's so heartbreaking. I'll be praying for both of you. It's never too late to reach a life. Know that God's blessings go with you in all that you do. *huggles*

GrubbTheFragger wrote:My prayers go out to you man.

Ditto. That's quite a downer

wow...that's so terrible!! I have friends like this too.. (Sans the porn star thing) but yeah... I know sorta how you feel..

Be praying for you!

NEVER lose hope. Remember the prodigal son. As long as she is still alive, there is always hope for a turnaround.
Pray for her. Pray as hard as you can, as often as you think of her. Realize that she is making these mistakes because she is searching for something. Probably attention of some sort. (Negative attention is STILL attention.) Earnestly seek God's will in this. He might not want you to contact her yet. Or maybe He does. That's why you need to ask Him. If contacting her could drag you down somehow further (the thought of you somehow getting sucked into watching her porn or something kills me), then God would not have you do it, until you are strong enough.
Pray first. Before you do anything, pray. And know that you (and she) are in my prayers. Just don't lose hope.

dyzzispell wrote: If contacting her could drag you down somehow further (the thought of you somehow getting sucked into watching her porn or something kills me), then God would not have you do it, until you are strong enough.
Pray first. Before you do anything, pray. And know that you (and she) are in my prayers. Just don't lose hope.

Yeah... Actually, that thought did cross my mind... I'm like "I wonder what her shoots were like" I was very tempted to go to the site to see if I could find her on there...

I... really don't know how to feel right now... I sorta feel light headed from the whole thing...

Bobtheduck wrote:Yeah... Actually, that thought did cross my mind... I'm like "I wonder what her shoots were like" I was very tempted to go to the site to see if I could find her on there...

I... really don't know how to feel right now... I sorta feel light headed from the whole thing...

Just hang in there, pray, ask for strength, read some Psalms... whatever you need to do to keep from looking at and getting into things that will really end up destroying you (much worse than this already has).
Like I said before, there is ALWAYS hope. Sometimes people have to travel some really dark paths before they can really learn to appreciate what Jesus did for us. Sometimes it takes stuff like this, just to get through to them, to show them just what they really are missing. Just pray.
Again, I will be praying for you, and for her.

That's awful. Sounds like she's really lost and searching. I'll pray for her. Don't blame yourself though, BTD. All you can do is be their for her, E-mail her and try to talk as just friends if you can. What she does with her life is her own mistake, not yours.

Oh my, I will pray.

Watching someone you're close to go astray is very hard. I'll pray for her. just remember, if she can go from God, she can go back. ^_^ Most in my prayers. And as stated before. it was her choice. Don't blame yourself. and yeah, pray before you do anything

Its not your fault,She knows the Law written on Her Heart,Just keep prayin I'll pray.

i'm sorry to hear this. well, just hang in there and trust that God has all things worked out for the best.

Well, I haven't written her yet... Not sure if I'm going to, but I keep going back to her blog... her roomate's words keep ringing in my ears...

There are like 3 different part of me fighting... The logical one, the guilty one, and the scumbag one...

Part of me knows I couldn't have really done anything
Part of me knows it was her decisions that lead her that way
Part of me knows we were split up for a reason, if only to protect me because of what she was choosing for herself...

Then there's the part of me that thinks I should have been more forcefull in getting her on her feet when she ended up homeless

Part of me that says I should have kept her from going back home at the end of the summer program.

Part of me that says I should have been a voice to speak truth to her, instead of the demonic voices she was getting from every other direction

Then there's even part of me that's saying I wish I had gone for more... I should get a free show, If she's that kind of girl, then... Yeah... The scumbag part of me... At least the easy part is I know the scumbag part of me is wrong so that makes it easier to shut off, but it's those other two parts that I can't decide as easily between...

You have my sympathies and my prayers.

Whatever you decide to do, remember that she is not your responsibility and ultimately never was. She was and is a pot being shaped in God's hands. There is no sense regretting the past or wondering what might have been, because what happened was God's plan and you couldn't change it if you wanted to. I'm not saying you shouldn't try to reach out to her, but don't put a burden on yourself that isn't yours to take.

since yesterday I do prayer lists. I'm praying for her now an I'll make sure I'l pray for her AGIAN this evening. That's horrible, you poor thing, I'm also praying for you bro.

Ouch... I'll be praying. Take care, dude.

You're in my prayers, dude. as for what you call the "scumbag part" that's just our sin nature and i respect that you're honest about it. And good call on dismissing it. ^__^ God has chosen people to work Him from bigger ruts. just keep prayin.