CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Tonight is really not going well for me. For some reason, I am feeling very dejected right now. I got my sketchpad out tonight and couldn't bring myself to put the pencil on the paper. It's not like I didn't have things I could have drawn. I just don't feel motivated. At all. As far as art goes, I have hit utter rock bottom. It's not like I don't want to draw. It's not like I don't have ideas I could work on. I just can't do it. I have lost the tiny sparkle of confidence I had that at least allowed me to try to draw. Now, I am just convinced that all I will do is waste more lead [I know it isn't lead, but a graphite-like stuff ~ shut up] and paper without getting anywhere near what I want. And then I look at plenty of talented artists online, many of whom are my age ~ or younger ~ who draw beautifully and come up with great ideas, and it just weights me down more, because that's the status quo I have to aspire to, and once I'm there, they will have improved and the bar will go up again. I'm stuck at a conflict ~ strike that, two conflicts. I don't think I'm cut out for this drawing stuff ~ I have no talent for it whatsoever. But I very much want to be an artist, and it's the only media that really interests me. So if I stay with it, I have little to no motivation, and no improvement. But if I leave it, I throw away any chance at something I really like. I believe you call that a lose-lose. The second conflict stems from the first. I had this stupid idea that I'd focus on developing a relationship with God [which is what we both want] and keep trying to draw [what I want] for the next couple of months or so. If I don't see noticeable improvement in my art, then i'd give all my drawing books to Rii-chan [who is talented] and give up drawing indefinitely ~ maybe for life. If I did see improvement, then I'd keep drawing. My problem: I have a very slim chance of any success. One: Why should God give a rip? He could easily say, "That's nice, but I don't want to follow your timeline or your ideas," and be justified in doing so. Result: loss. It could go that way, but I don't improve. I lose the only creative endeavour I have. Result: loss. Or it could go that way, but I actually improve. Result: possible win. Who's to say the improvement's even noticeable? I naturally set high standards for myself ~ who's to say I'm still disappointed? No guarantee of a win there, either.


Where's the abundant life I keep hearing about? When do I get a break? When will things start going better? When will my situation improve?

.rai//

Raiden...I'm going to tell you about someone. She thought she could never measure up to all the amazing artists out there. She thought she was awful, and that she could never, ever learn how to do things because whenever she put pencil to paper, nothing would come of it. This person wanted to draw so very, very badly, but was convinced she had no talent. Her siblings didn't help her, they put her down about her artwork(both siblings being talented artists, apparently)...and she was in your situation. But...and this is important...she kept at it anyway. She drew constantly...and her drawings weren't very good, in all honesty...but they did start to improve, little by little. Her older sister finally realized that the kid had skills. So the sister started encourraging her, and giving constructive critisism(something the sister was not predesposed to doing). And the drawings started looking...like the kid had been great at it all her life. Today, she is well on her way to becoming a good manga artist, and she plans on going to college to get an art degree. That person...is my little sister.

Raiden, please keep at it. If this is your dream...then don't let it go. And find someone to critique what you do. That can be painful, but it's the best way to improve. And please...stop measuring yourself by what other people can do. That's motivational suicide.

I'll be praying for you...

I'll be praying for you mate, I have/had the same experience. I love to draw, have the inspiration, but I get all depressed and have no confidence to keep on drawing. That makes it hard to improve. The thing is to try and not measure your talent to others (God knows I get jealous of some of the amazing artists here who are only 14-15 years old) but I shouldn't. The age of old system of keeping on practising helps tremendously. You just have to get past the barrier of thinking that: my art sucks or whatever. I've been in a rut for ages and was getting immensly depressed about it, the motivation wasn't there - but if you just give it some time, give it some effort it will come.

You will notice improvement over time, but not overnight, it just doesn't work that way. Keep putting pencil to the page, draw from life (you'll get there mate!)

While Q and W4J do have a point Raiden, I wish to make another. Life doesn't always turn out the way we want it to. It may sound trite, but it's true. You may not be cut out to be an artist and you may never be. Now, to me, that isn't a reason to stop if you enjoy it, and Q is right that things may get better (and that it is good to get a second opinion), but at the same time there is not a guarantee that you will ever be able to draw well. You want to, and that's great, but we cannot do everything we wish to do, and I speak from personal experience. And you are also right that God does not work by our game plan, and if you go out on a limb and decide that if your drawing doesn't improve you will stop, He may simply allow you not to improve, and that's that. I'm not trying to be mean, but sadly that is part of life, things do not work out the way we want them to. We live in a fallen world, and that fact is sadly part of it. However, there is hope. We may not be able to do what we wanted to, but at the same time I can readily attest that God does have great things in plan for us, even if those things aren't what we want right now. We cannot even imagine what God has in store for us, and while it probably isn't any consolation to you to hear it, as you are a Christian God has great plans for you. There is no guarentee those plans involve drawing, but there is a guarantee that they will be for the best, because they are God's plans. So, really, I believe you are in a winning situation, not a losing one. Times will be hard, you will lose things you love, be incapable of doing things you want to, fail and have problems. BUT, God has a plan for you, and He will bring it through to completion. It may not be what you want now, but it will be for the best, and in the end you will be better off for it.

Hm...odd that Puritan should say that...it was one of the two things that came to mind when I read your request, Raiden. I just chose to write the first since you seem to really, really want this. But Puritan is right, too. It just depends on what you think God is calling you to do, really. Prayer is a definite must at this point.

look Rai, Rii is my sister and I love to draw to and I look at her pictures and they are so much better than mine. But it doesn't put me down it lifts me up because then I wanna draw like that and honestly right now I can't but I don't care I still work at it and I'm getting better day by day

I know it wasn't long like all the others but I hoped it helped

My friend C.S. Lewis writes:

"[God] allows this disappointment to occur on the threshold of every human endeavor. It occurs when the boy who has been enchanted in the nursery by Stories from the Odyssey buckles down to really learning Greek. It occurs when lovers have got married and begin the real task of learning to live together. In every department of life it marks the transition from dreaming aspiration to laborious doing."

I note that players of the game of Go (which I am one) reach certain extended plateaus in their ability, most notably right before earning the coveted title of shodan. I've read that praticioners of martial arts (of which I am not) see even the most talented students stall, and frequently drop out, at the penultimate level before black belt (usually brown or red, depending on the sport). I've seen many an advanced degree student in the sciences quit before finishing up their thesis (master's or doctorate).

Why would this be? If the pinnacle can be reached simply through dedication and hard work, why do so many fail to reach it? Laziness? Lack of talent? Neither, I think. I see many smart, talented people who look at all the factors and conclude, "The prize is not worth the contest".

You've probably reached that point, or one of those points (there are often many on the way), where you ask yourself, "Is this worth my time?" I don't have an answer for you -- either that you are or aren't talented enough, that you have or haven't worked hard enough.

All I can say is -- don't let this surprise or discourage you. Assess your abilities soberly, as free as possible from emotion. Is the prize worth the contest? Only you have to live with the consequences of the answer you find for yourself.

I have struggled much in this area both in music and in art. I know how you feel. Something that has particularly encouraged me recently is David before he became king of Israel. What was he? No one special. Just another shepherd; the least likely in his family to be a king. How did he spend his time? Probably practicing with a sling and writing worship songs to God in the fields. He was ordinary before he became king and ordinary afterward -- he was just obedient in following an extraordinary God. Drawings and other creative expressions are meaningful if they are glorifying to God, even if they seem ordinary.

Where is the abundant life? You mean for an artist or a Christian? God willingly provides his spirit to fill us so we can live abundantly in that spirit, but this doesn't always mean wealth, skill and prosperity. It has to do with attitude. People all over in what we would consider the "worst" circumstances can still be happy in their faith in God. They just don't load their faith up with expectations about the here-and-now.

We all get dry spells. I recommend prayer when that pencil's not working. You will be affirming your faith in God in doing so (always a good thing). You might just get a vision about something to draw that inspires you (or others). Or not. God answers prayer in His own time, and sometimes He answers no.

I will pray you find guidance through this.

Lifting you up, bro. I've definitely been in the times of discouragement. If you need to talk to someone about all this, feel free to PM me.

I have little doubt that every good artist ever has been through what you are going through now, probably time and time again, so hang in there.

Me, I've been drawing manga on and off for half of my life, and I'm still not all that great.

Don't worry about it when you can't draw a thing. There are days where it's all but physically impossible to draw for who knows what reason. When you can't, leave it alone and go watch some cheery anime, or anything that gets you sort of.... excited, I suppose.

Praying for you. Keep at it.

In my prayer.

aawww....we all started somewhere.
I am not up there either yet, but I believe I improved.
Try different styles.
when I was a kid I loved drawing Lion King.
Then I got into manga and all and I started manga. Now I find Lion King and "funny animal" art nicer, and I personally find it way more high quality. But I'm upset becasuse I can't draw it as good as others...but then I remember that that's basicly all they draw. ^^
And I wanted to make my anime characters look more realistic so traditional art can still be kept in this world.
It's just a mix your own salad thing. ^^ and I mixed my styles together.
Why follow something when you can develop your own style? Take things you like and mix them together. ^^

As for God...why don't you focus most of your art towards Him?
His word says that if you let God in with everything you do, it will increase! it will multiply! or the like.
And that's with any talent...if you want to have it be abundant and increase dramaticly, why not do it for God?
Worship God with your art!
I'll pray