Anger
PostPosted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 2:23 am
Ok... The last couple weeks, I've been VERY angry... More angry than I've ever been in my life, I honestly don't understand it...
I have had problems with this before, getting angry at computers that don't do what they're supposed to, mostly... Well, anything technological, actually. With this new computer, there are so many problems, and I'm beginning to think I wasted a perfectly good thousand dollar loan since this is not gonna do what I need it to, and I actually felt like I could have burned down ATI and Adobe's offices today...
I broke down crying from frustration, this is the worst I can ever remember being... I mean, I think I do have a right to be upset when things don't work the way they were meant to when you payed for them, but this is not good... I'm in pain from the anger I felt... I yelled and screamed and wanted to make someone pay for this not working the way it was supposed to... I don't know how I could let this get ahold of me like that, but it did...
I know it has to be something deeper than the computer... the computer problems were just a catalyst. Just a trigger, but the explosive core has been sitting there for a while... I can take a few stabs at why:
1. my complete lonliness and lack of real social life... I have brief chances at escape, like the prayer meetings on monday, but when I'm forgotten twice when i look forward to that more than anything else I do in the week, It sorta kills me a bit inside... Then there's japanese fellowship, but nothing ever leaves the fellowship, then i have the rest of the week I have no one really keeping up on me... NO one calling, no one to see when i need to on a regular basis... No one I really would call a friend, when it comes down to it...
2. Numerous Physical problems... My sciatic nerve, my allergies and sinuses, the problem with my eyes, my lightheadedness, my cough... a number of problems that alternate... Never can I have a good day physicaly, I dont' think...
3. Things that don't work... i geuss this would be the beginning of this... It isn't just technology, though... I mean, I talked about the ordeal I had in getting the computer to begin with, right? All that money that will have to be payed off eventually... Oh, money
4. Money... I have applied to numerous jobs, didn't get anything... I figure I'd do a video transfer service. I know how to use non-linear editing, when I don't have to deal with all the computer problems that is... I knew how to set up menus, cut out bad footage, and place chapter points... I could have done this if all this stuff wasn't malfunctioning... So, i suppose, the computer problems weren't simply a surface thing, but they are a substantial part of the big picture... Nothing seems like it's going right...
*self snip* This was entirely inappropriate to mention, I'm sorry...
So shortened: No friends, no money, nothing works right, no way of coping with all of it... Yup... Pretty exhaustive...
I have had problems with this before, getting angry at computers that don't do what they're supposed to, mostly... Well, anything technological, actually. With this new computer, there are so many problems, and I'm beginning to think I wasted a perfectly good thousand dollar loan since this is not gonna do what I need it to, and I actually felt like I could have burned down ATI and Adobe's offices today...
I broke down crying from frustration, this is the worst I can ever remember being... I mean, I think I do have a right to be upset when things don't work the way they were meant to when you payed for them, but this is not good... I'm in pain from the anger I felt... I yelled and screamed and wanted to make someone pay for this not working the way it was supposed to... I don't know how I could let this get ahold of me like that, but it did...
I know it has to be something deeper than the computer... the computer problems were just a catalyst. Just a trigger, but the explosive core has been sitting there for a while... I can take a few stabs at why:
1. my complete lonliness and lack of real social life... I have brief chances at escape, like the prayer meetings on monday, but when I'm forgotten twice when i look forward to that more than anything else I do in the week, It sorta kills me a bit inside... Then there's japanese fellowship, but nothing ever leaves the fellowship, then i have the rest of the week I have no one really keeping up on me... NO one calling, no one to see when i need to on a regular basis... No one I really would call a friend, when it comes down to it...
2. Numerous Physical problems... My sciatic nerve, my allergies and sinuses, the problem with my eyes, my lightheadedness, my cough... a number of problems that alternate... Never can I have a good day physicaly, I dont' think...
3. Things that don't work... i geuss this would be the beginning of this... It isn't just technology, though... I mean, I talked about the ordeal I had in getting the computer to begin with, right? All that money that will have to be payed off eventually... Oh, money
4. Money... I have applied to numerous jobs, didn't get anything... I figure I'd do a video transfer service. I know how to use non-linear editing, when I don't have to deal with all the computer problems that is... I knew how to set up menus, cut out bad footage, and place chapter points... I could have done this if all this stuff wasn't malfunctioning... So, i suppose, the computer problems weren't simply a surface thing, but they are a substantial part of the big picture... Nothing seems like it's going right...
*self snip* This was entirely inappropriate to mention, I'm sorry...
So shortened: No friends, no money, nothing works right, no way of coping with all of it... Yup... Pretty exhaustive...
