My last month?
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 2:07 am
I have been looking for a job, though feeling rather hopeless about it. I look at those stupid unicru tests, the many open jobs that all require experience... Well, ok... While I've been at home, my parents pay for internet. They pay for the phone line and the DSL. My Dad has basically treated my not being out every waking minute filling out applications as my not caring, and has made a threat... Basically, my internet goes away the 15th.
I get 150 a month for cleaning here at the complex (bathrooms, laundry room, office, grounds), which will go to my parents as rent once I get a real job. I have some major problems right now, and they are problems that feed each other. The foremost of those is a depression. In order to treat that, I'm going to have to pay for my insurance and get to a doctor (and pay for that) and get the medication (and pay for that)
I have pretty bad back pain, which is probably worsened by the depression. I need chiropractic care, or at least that's what I can think of that would help, but I'm not entirely sure it is something that can be fixed by a chiropractor...
My allergies have been much worse the last couple years than they have been since I was in allergy treatment (back when I was, like, 15)... I guess all the treatment has been undone. Either that, or I've formed new allergies, I'm not sure... Anyhow, it keeps me from breathing in the night, so I take medicine for that... More money...
Well, needless to say my 150 will be gone quickly every month... The depression, which I think is event triggered, only gets worse when I think of doing a fast food job, but I don't count on that either (I got fired from Subway due, if you must know [button="Stuff"]I came into work, and I started to feel nauseous. I was working more slowly because of that, and I knew that I wasn*t supposed to be there if I was sick. I told my supervisor that, and she told me to pick up my check... I could have sued if I hadn*t believed lawsuits were wrong at the time... I got fired before my first month was over, and I quit my second fastfood job because I thought I was going into the millitary... my record isn*t so good here...[/button] In fact, I think those two short times in employment are hindering me... Taking that and any other small thing I can think up in mind, it just feels hopeless and I feel like I'm not goint to get any job at all... I just don't have the energy to keep going out and looking for more jobs, especially applying for fast food...
This depression is event triggered, but I have all the things that make me depressed right here... Isolation (and no motivation to undo that), somewhat controlling parents, lonliness... Well, anyhow... I'm going to get my insurance asap, get to the doctor's asap, and get treatment asap... If I have enough money after insurance, doctor, and medicine to take care of that, I'll go a chiropractor... Well, anyhow, I definately don't have enough for DSL, and I won't be able to get a dialup service. THat means I won't have internet anymore...
Anyhow, Um... Like I said a number of times, this depression thing has reached an intolerable level... The small chances of anything I do being beneficial just drain my energy, keeping me from doing them... I don't think people understand this, least of all my Parents... It's not like I'm just being lazy... My body drags when I try to do anything that I feel is hopeless... I am very literally incapable of taking measures to fix this... My body is drawn into the most comfortable niche...
Anyhow... That's my news... I'll announce if my deadline comes sans job... I will try for fastfood if it comes down to it, just to protect the status quo... And, of course, I put it that way because I feel that is incredibly stupid... I don't want to preserve things the way they are!! I want them to get better! Getting a job at a ******* (self censored, not via the forum's built-in censor) fast food place... Fast food is hell... Getting a 9 hour a week job just to keep me on the internet is pointless... Things will be just as horrible, if not moreso... I'm going to hold out for a better job. Blockbuster, Hollywood, Game Crazy, Gamestop, Ikea... So, since that may not happen for a number of months, I'm probably going to lose internet... That's ok. I need things to be better, not keep them the same. For things to get better they sometimes have to get worse. Anyhow, pray that I"ll get a job and that I can get the depression treated and that I finally get out of this hole...
I get 150 a month for cleaning here at the complex (bathrooms, laundry room, office, grounds), which will go to my parents as rent once I get a real job. I have some major problems right now, and they are problems that feed each other. The foremost of those is a depression. In order to treat that, I'm going to have to pay for my insurance and get to a doctor (and pay for that) and get the medication (and pay for that)
I have pretty bad back pain, which is probably worsened by the depression. I need chiropractic care, or at least that's what I can think of that would help, but I'm not entirely sure it is something that can be fixed by a chiropractor...
My allergies have been much worse the last couple years than they have been since I was in allergy treatment (back when I was, like, 15)... I guess all the treatment has been undone. Either that, or I've formed new allergies, I'm not sure... Anyhow, it keeps me from breathing in the night, so I take medicine for that... More money...
Well, needless to say my 150 will be gone quickly every month... The depression, which I think is event triggered, only gets worse when I think of doing a fast food job, but I don't count on that either (I got fired from Subway due, if you must know [button="Stuff"]I came into work, and I started to feel nauseous. I was working more slowly because of that, and I knew that I wasn*t supposed to be there if I was sick. I told my supervisor that, and she told me to pick up my check... I could have sued if I hadn*t believed lawsuits were wrong at the time... I got fired before my first month was over, and I quit my second fastfood job because I thought I was going into the millitary... my record isn*t so good here...[/button] In fact, I think those two short times in employment are hindering me... Taking that and any other small thing I can think up in mind, it just feels hopeless and I feel like I'm not goint to get any job at all... I just don't have the energy to keep going out and looking for more jobs, especially applying for fast food...
This depression is event triggered, but I have all the things that make me depressed right here... Isolation (and no motivation to undo that), somewhat controlling parents, lonliness... Well, anyhow... I'm going to get my insurance asap, get to the doctor's asap, and get treatment asap... If I have enough money after insurance, doctor, and medicine to take care of that, I'll go a chiropractor... Well, anyhow, I definately don't have enough for DSL, and I won't be able to get a dialup service. THat means I won't have internet anymore...
Anyhow, Um... Like I said a number of times, this depression thing has reached an intolerable level... The small chances of anything I do being beneficial just drain my energy, keeping me from doing them... I don't think people understand this, least of all my Parents... It's not like I'm just being lazy... My body drags when I try to do anything that I feel is hopeless... I am very literally incapable of taking measures to fix this... My body is drawn into the most comfortable niche...
Anyhow... That's my news... I'll announce if my deadline comes sans job... I will try for fastfood if it comes down to it, just to protect the status quo... And, of course, I put it that way because I feel that is incredibly stupid... I don't want to preserve things the way they are!! I want them to get better! Getting a job at a ******* (self censored, not via the forum's built-in censor) fast food place... Fast food is hell... Getting a 9 hour a week job just to keep me on the internet is pointless... Things will be just as horrible, if not moreso... I'm going to hold out for a better job. Blockbuster, Hollywood, Game Crazy, Gamestop, Ikea... So, since that may not happen for a number of months, I'm probably going to lose internet... That's ok. I need things to be better, not keep them the same. For things to get better they sometimes have to get worse. Anyhow, pray that I"ll get a job and that I can get the depression treated and that I finally get out of this hole...
