Drowning in anime/manga
PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 12:22 am
Dear brothers and sisters in Christ--
I'm not sure of what to say... but I feel that it needs to be addressed. I ran into CAA about a year ago via a Christian entertainment review website, but I forgot about it and haven't really been back since. However, for some reason a CAA link came up via a google search today, so somehow I restumbled onto this site and decided to create a new username to post on the forums.
So here's the problem.
Have you guys ever heard about the otaku stigma in Japan? Otaku are basically fanatics. Most commonly the term refers to anime, manga, or videogame fans, but it's possible to be, say, a fishing otaku. To be an otaku is to be extremely "into" something to the point that it's kinda..well.. it's idolatrous :x
I'm having some difficulties because I think that I'm living vicariously through the anime/manga/game characters. I find myself identifying with, say, Akito in the Fruits Basket manga or Lain Iwakura from Serial Experiments Lain. It's really bad. I feel like I understand them so well and thinking about their struggles brings a sense of comfort in my own life. What makes it even worse is that I find their stories more comforting and easier to relate to than the stories in the Bible.. I know that it's wrong. I should be thinking about how much Jesus suffered, and theologically I know that he knew what it was to be both fully man and fully God. He understands everything that I go through..yet, i still feel distant from him.
I try to go to websites like Focus on the Family's ,Brio for practical spiritual nourishment. Bringing the whole "bearded, carpenter Jesus + fishing disciplines + bloody cross" imagery down to more day-to-day, identifiable terms. However, it all just feels so.. sterile and superficial. It feels like whenever I've gone to church lately, or read "Christian" literature, that everything is so.. hrm... like a plastic smile. It reminds me of those little notecards with a Bible verse over some rainbow or sunrise. So... kitsch. It's either that, or this extremely hard doctrine with talk of rigid obedience because He is of supreme magnificence/holiness, and who are we as his mere creations to do anything but bow in awe.
I know that I should be feeling the utmost awe and continual thankfulness. But... i don't... everything feels so cold and hollow. God is feeling so impersonal right now. The theology rooted somewhere in the depths of my mind tells me that he isn't going away, but I've been going through a desert phase for what seems like nearly 1.5 years.
It's bad. I feel that like, anime/manga calls resonates with the deepest pains in my heart, but God is acting like some sort of bandaid quickly slapped on the surface.
It shouldn't be this way. It's wrong. So I've decided to stop reading/watching manga/anime. I want to read Christian literature, like.. the Bible (duh) and maybe things like The Chronicles of Narnia. I want to be "fed" by these things because that's what the logical part of me says is right. However, it just makes me feel.. it's bad, but when I read scripture it feels like reading a textbook assignment or something. It pisses me off and I don't really like it, and it doesn't feel deep... when people post things about how God's word is like a fresh spring of water or a lush field, it just doesn't feel that way to me... it feels like I'm reading a dry, harsh encyclopedia article, or something.
Please.. although I don't know you guys, I feel that out of all the people out there, you guys might have the clearest insight as to this type of struggle. I was starting to feel like there wasn't anyone who I could turn to who would possibly understand. I don't really know what to ask you guys to pray for, but thanks
I'm not sure of what to say... but I feel that it needs to be addressed. I ran into CAA about a year ago via a Christian entertainment review website, but I forgot about it and haven't really been back since. However, for some reason a CAA link came up via a google search today, so somehow I restumbled onto this site and decided to create a new username to post on the forums.
So here's the problem.
Have you guys ever heard about the otaku stigma in Japan? Otaku are basically fanatics. Most commonly the term refers to anime, manga, or videogame fans, but it's possible to be, say, a fishing otaku. To be an otaku is to be extremely "into" something to the point that it's kinda..well.. it's idolatrous :x
I'm having some difficulties because I think that I'm living vicariously through the anime/manga/game characters. I find myself identifying with, say, Akito in the Fruits Basket manga or Lain Iwakura from Serial Experiments Lain. It's really bad. I feel like I understand them so well and thinking about their struggles brings a sense of comfort in my own life. What makes it even worse is that I find their stories more comforting and easier to relate to than the stories in the Bible.. I know that it's wrong. I should be thinking about how much Jesus suffered, and theologically I know that he knew what it was to be both fully man and fully God. He understands everything that I go through..yet, i still feel distant from him.
I try to go to websites like Focus on the Family's ,Brio for practical spiritual nourishment. Bringing the whole "bearded, carpenter Jesus + fishing disciplines + bloody cross" imagery down to more day-to-day, identifiable terms. However, it all just feels so.. sterile and superficial. It feels like whenever I've gone to church lately, or read "Christian" literature, that everything is so.. hrm... like a plastic smile. It reminds me of those little notecards with a Bible verse over some rainbow or sunrise. So... kitsch. It's either that, or this extremely hard doctrine with talk of rigid obedience because He is of supreme magnificence/holiness, and who are we as his mere creations to do anything but bow in awe.
I know that I should be feeling the utmost awe and continual thankfulness. But... i don't... everything feels so cold and hollow. God is feeling so impersonal right now. The theology rooted somewhere in the depths of my mind tells me that he isn't going away, but I've been going through a desert phase for what seems like nearly 1.5 years.
It's bad. I feel that like, anime/manga calls resonates with the deepest pains in my heart, but God is acting like some sort of bandaid quickly slapped on the surface.
It shouldn't be this way. It's wrong. So I've decided to stop reading/watching manga/anime. I want to read Christian literature, like.. the Bible (duh) and maybe things like The Chronicles of Narnia. I want to be "fed" by these things because that's what the logical part of me says is right. However, it just makes me feel.. it's bad, but when I read scripture it feels like reading a textbook assignment or something. It pisses me off and I don't really like it, and it doesn't feel deep... when people post things about how God's word is like a fresh spring of water or a lush field, it just doesn't feel that way to me... it feels like I'm reading a dry, harsh encyclopedia article, or something.
Please.. although I don't know you guys, I feel that out of all the people out there, you guys might have the clearest insight as to this type of struggle. I was starting to feel like there wasn't anyone who I could turn to who would possibly understand. I don't really know what to ask you guys to pray for, but thanks