a definite need...
PostPosted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 11:42 am
As it turns out, my car broke down (*sigh* again) and it's not worth fixing anymore. The expense of repair will outweigh it's value, so... I'm in need of a new car. Unfortunately, I don't have the money to get one... which would be my problem. If there was a time for God to provide for me, now would be it.
I have a couple of other issues... like my own wavering faith and a pregnant ex-girlfriend (I didn't do it.). I can feel myself stuck between sides in my faith. On one hand, I know that God is real because I have felt His power... yet, I have trouble believing that He unconditionally forgives or provides... and I guess I have some unfortunate experiences in my life that I can point to as the cause. I'm just stuck and I know it, but I don't know the way out... if that makes sense at all.
Lastly... as far as this pregnant ex... she was my first girlfriend. The one that I was so concerned about in the past and the one I was posting about constantly. I guess I still carry a small spark for her even still... but that's not the issue. In some twisted way, I've found a way to blame myself for her actions. I don't know why I do that... but I'd like prayer for that as well. I know it's not right. I also want to go see her... but I don't know what would happen if I do. The probability that I'd say something incredibly stupid or narrow-minded would be extremely high... and more than anything, she needs a good friend. It's stupid... I was so concerned about being her hero... and I feel that I've failed in that. I surely can't be her hero now... so I guess it's about time I was just a better friend.
There's a lot swimming around in my head and it's now too difficult to assemble a coherent thought about anything important... so thank you for praying for me and my needs.
I have a couple of other issues... like my own wavering faith and a pregnant ex-girlfriend (I didn't do it.). I can feel myself stuck between sides in my faith. On one hand, I know that God is real because I have felt His power... yet, I have trouble believing that He unconditionally forgives or provides... and I guess I have some unfortunate experiences in my life that I can point to as the cause. I'm just stuck and I know it, but I don't know the way out... if that makes sense at all.
Lastly... as far as this pregnant ex... she was my first girlfriend. The one that I was so concerned about in the past and the one I was posting about constantly. I guess I still carry a small spark for her even still... but that's not the issue. In some twisted way, I've found a way to blame myself for her actions. I don't know why I do that... but I'd like prayer for that as well. I know it's not right. I also want to go see her... but I don't know what would happen if I do. The probability that I'd say something incredibly stupid or narrow-minded would be extremely high... and more than anything, she needs a good friend. It's stupid... I was so concerned about being her hero... and I feel that I've failed in that. I surely can't be her hero now... so I guess it's about time I was just a better friend.
There's a lot swimming around in my head and it's now too difficult to assemble a coherent thought about anything important... so thank you for praying for me and my needs.