CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

hey...not sure if many remember my posts, sparse as they were, but I figured i could use a bit of prayer this week. alot actually...but i realize how many people have more pressing requests, so i dont want to beg..just ask those who feel they have a free moment to read this through and pray for me this week or at least once upon reading.

My faith has been total rollercoaster the last month or so. Being at a Christian college 24/7 has an odd effect..i suppose i expected that though. anyways...after the first couple weeks of loving it here i managed to get confused and angry/doubtful of God. now i'm semi free from that and have actually managed to start consistently Bible reading each night. a rare event...so i suppose that means i'm growing again? *hopes*

However, I know i've been under minor attack from various angles ever since I made a decision to trust God and start building up faith again. academic stress, homework, loneliness, people issues, sickness, self-image, cynicism..etc. mostly i've managed to fight it off, but today i came under a couple attacks that, of course, given my past history, i gave into without much of a struggle. kind of ashamed of that... i have guilt as usual but i'm not sure why since i totally thought through my choices and acted on the basis that it wasn't a 'big deal'.

um..*sitting here debating explaining*.. heh...the beauty of the internet. semi-anonymity. ok yea i'm going to be randomly honest about htis b/c i could use more specific prayer and perhaps encouragement. Today i basically screwed up in two areas. 1. bulimia. no i dont have an eating disorder. used to sort of. been months since i actually slipped up.. i dont really plan to slip up again b/c even though i dont see the action as wrong, the lies you have to spin to keep it UP are way more harmful. and yeah..#2 mistake of the day would be internet porn. yeah i know i'm a girl and we're not s'posed to deal with that as much. well i do. *shrug* Usually in the form of like...literary porn, not visual. think mature-rated fanfiction. it's like a drug and it's a rather good drug at that. few side effects. the only thing that actually bothers me is the whole..porn is evil stigma and the guilt. so yeah..i really have no idea what to do about that one. it's not an addiction, just a bad habit. and yeah...i'm really bad at seeing sin for what it is and fleeing. i just write it off as not a 'big deal' and then war with my conscience for days. annoying...

anyways..this entry wasn't supposed to be so long =/ i guess i needed to get random things off my mind. let me condense...

1. ability to keep up the consistent Bible reading and grow in faith/knowledge.

2. exams this week. peace of mind and fewer distractions would be nice. plus i have this speech to give in a week and i still dont have my research done let alone writing and memorizing this. confusing stuff. deadlines are evil!

3. sin issues. ability to discern lies from truth and see wrong in things instead of just feeling pointlessly guilty.

4. peace with God. sort of relates to 1 and 3.

so yeah... I TOTALLY realize this is a random request from a semi-unknown forumer and there's alot going on with people that's probably more demanding and important. like hurricanes and family deaths and such(my roommate's grandma is dying so yeah..i definitely know people have more pressing issues) but man, i'd REALLY REALLY appreciate if just one or two people took the time to read through this and comment or just to think and pray for me a couple times this week. particularly wednesday...usually my toughest day.. i'd be highly appreciative. advice welcome too. not that i'm good at taking it, but after reading a week's worth of Proverbs it's not like i can deny that wise counsel is important, eh?

anyways...much appreciation if someone/anyone reads and responds to this..in heart or word. you guys take care. thanks.

Lara

Lara, I'm glad that you were able to tell us your feelings. I have to say...you're not the only one:

We all go through this sometimes, even I do. I look at sinful things like porn, and other...stuff I'm not proud of, and I sometimes don't care at all what God thinks about this, and I do it my own way. Of course, that's me thinking from the flesh...indulgence, I guess, is what you could call it, and later on, it would be realized that I have committed a sinful act that's unacceptable, and the only and best way to be forgiven is to honestly pray with your heart that God will forgive you, and guess what, He will, and you know the reason?

I'm human, and so are you.

What you described what you did is exactly what I did and hopefully won't do again in the future.

Keep telling yourself that any kind of porn is evil, it's just evil. Another thing to do is pray that you don't keep reading or watching these evil things. Committing adultry and indulging yourself in evil acts is the result of it. I have to tell myself the same things everyday, and yet I still do it...because I'm human.

We are all human Lara, and God expects us to make mistakes and learn from them, that's being perfect.

Also, don't worry about making long posts, everyone has done that. I'm doing it right now in fact

I'll keep you in my prayers.

With the Love of Christ
CephasVII

Thank you for asking prayer, Lara.

Yes, praying for you now.

God bless you.

o.o FadedOne! I remember you Long time no see darl

Right... serious side. I will be lifting you up in prayer matie; its hard to break an addiction / habits. But, it can be done by God's strength! Don't trust in your own strength matie, but turn to Him when temptation comes along. He will give you what you need to get through it

I'll be praying for you.

Faded, I will totally pray for you!

hey i remember you too FadedOne. You seem to have a lot of problems. but remember that God gives us problems so that we won't rely on our own, but rely on God, who raises the dead.
admitting your mistake is one step to your problem. so, it's not that much of a problem to ask for a prayer.

EDIT: it's necessary for you to ask the prayer request. you should request if you got a problem. Doing that is showing God that you definitely care to seek him. be happy!

about diligence in reading the bible, i learned one thing. never put a clock in the room where you read it. when you do, it makes you stressed on the time and makes you glance at it every minute while reading.
this won't make you focus on God. remember, in knowing God, you shouldn't worry of the time. All he asks is just a bit of the day to be listened. and God is in control. Don't worry.
Also, you should be mentally clear. when you read, you can't have the worldly worries in your mind. it works if you meditate first and flush out all worries.

well. i don't know if my opinions helped. but i do hope it does. My prayers assured

I remember you. (I was gone quite a bit this summer myself, so I haven't really noticed other people not being here ^^;;)

I'll be praying for you. It's a very hard thing to deal with getting over addictions. (I know; my little sister is annorexic, and will have to deal with it the rest of her life, having an eating disorder is like being an alcoholic, or any other addiction, no matter how long it's been, the possibility is still there.) But it's good that you know what wrong things you are doing, and are making moves to stop them.

And I've found that the best thing to do for keeping constant in spiritual life is to do it everyday. Once you skip a day or two, it is insanely hard to get back into it, because you keep making excuses; at least that's what happens to me.

Like I said, will be praying.

My prayers.

Lifting you up, my sista

I remember YOU! You always seemed pretty cool, and I think you might've RPed in something I did too. That, and I think you were gonna do the Prayer Guardians thing too. Yep, good to see you again, even if it isn't the greatest of circumstances, it IS good to see you.

I will definitely pray for you. *smiles*

Keep going ok? God will bring you through all of this. You will overcome, by His strength. Plus, I heard somewhere that girls named Lara are tough...