CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

uh yea...i could explain that but i'm so tired and stressed and disturbed. basically I just feel that all my thoughts are evil right now. i have a great relationship with sin and with just about everything i'd left behind in the past. i keep thinking these things will help but no, i just feel more screwed up. i think my faith has rotted away... disturbing..

anyways...i really dont know if this is just a doubt-inspired valley or a real spiritual issue that's been lurking, but i feel pretty screwed up. and in some twisted way i love that....i want to be like F-you to the world and be angry and just..hate. but i can regonize the evil in that too.

yea...not sure what i mean. too tired. but i could use a bit of prayer for me to allow God to recapture my thoughts and somehow(if it's possible) rebuild my foundation of trust and hope in Him. i'm just not sure i'm willling to let it happen. but it needs to happen. thanks..

This may sound like a strange question, but do you have anything in your house like a buddha, or anything that has a strange symbol on it? This sounds like a serious problem, and it wouldn't hurt to consider the possibility that it is a spiritual attack.

I strongly recommend that you pray the covering and cleansing of Jesus' blood over your life and your household... ask God to point out anything that isn't honouring to Him, or anything that could possibly be a foothold for Satan to influence your life with. This could include music, clothes, jewelry, even anime figurines.

Anyway, I'll be praying for you

You sound like a "friend" of mine. Hating everything, feeling pleased about being "screwed up". Well, these are (as I'm sure you know) the wrong way to look at things. Pray to God, ask Him to restore your faith in Him. Read your Bible more. And, if you need anyone to support you after doing that, I'm just a PM away.

I'll pray that you'll realize what's right. Good luck in your journey. Please, don't lose the fight!!

FadedOne wrote:uh yea...i could explain that but i'm so tired and stressed and disturbed. basically I just feel that all my thoughts are evil right now. i have a great relationship with sin and with just about everything i'd left behind in the past. i keep thinking these things will help but no, i just feel more screwed up. i think my faith has rotted away... disturbing..

anyways...i really dont know if this is just a doubt-inspired valley or a real spiritual issue that's been lurking, but i feel pretty screwed up. and in some twisted way i love that....i want to be like F-you to the world and be angry and just..hate. but i can regonize the evil in that too.

You mostly sound exhausted and weary from life's challenges. I have done the same whenever life becomes too overwhelming and everything around me was plain disappointing. Evil plays dirty and strikes you when you're i) tired ii) alone iii) hungry

How is your quiet time and prayer life? If you're tired and stressed, you need to seriously consider taking some time to rest and focus on God. I'm not saying that you did anything wrong, I'm just trying to steer you towards whatever gave me refreshment and strength to carry on.

I'll pray for you for a renewal in faith. Stay strong, the Lord is with you. \(^^)/

You basically summed up how I've been feeling, I'd suggest praying that god would reveal what the problem is.
I know this might seem like a strange question, but do you feel your thoughts in general are evil? Or are there allot of specific thoughts? Are they very distressing? And do you feel like you can't control them?

Thanks for the prayers guys...

this whole last week has been kind of disturbing. i'm not homesick but i miss random things, i got myseriously sick for a couple days there, plus i had to deal with all these disturbing swirling thoughts that wouldn't let up. i dunno..they're still there, but they're easier to ignore when i'm less tired and such.

it's true my faith is kinda shot. it's been shot for awhile.. i know that. it's hard for me to believe sometimes in anything but what's seen. this whole Christianity thing could be the greatest ruse ever. They get you a little emotional, a little guilty over this thing called sin, and next thing you know you need a God to cure the guilt. that's what my mind tells me.
however no matter how many screwed up things i try i can't seem to heal the emotional hurt and the disappointment with myself and life. i guess there isn't any other cure. i want to believe in God, trust me. and i do..usually. but not with enough faith to move any mountains...hills...little piles of gravel...sand. yea you know what i mean.

*shrug* it's just been a weird week. hopefully this one will have more answers and more joy. it's started out right. went to campus church and listened to a message that had me in tears a few times. preaching on 1 Peter 5:8-9

8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.--NIV

and yea...there's alot of lies one can be fed that weigh down to the point of breaking. to the point of being angry with God and life. hopefully prayer for ability to see through the lies will help.

anyway yeah....rambling. just mostly wanted to say i appreciate the care and prayers and i know theyll help. and i hope you guys have a blessed week.

Good luck out there!

Lifting you. I think many of us go through periods of, if not doubt, at least the temptation to doubt. But it sounds like you're getting a handle on what's going on, that it is the devil trying to seek whom he may devour, and that knowing you need to resist him. And that's a big step toward getting victory.

It's a temptation (I know for me, at least) to put our feelings ahead of the Word of God, when we're feeling inadequate or like we've fallen. But we need to be really grounded and rooted in the Word, knowing what It says about who we are as children of God, and standing in that.

Anyway, hope this is of some encouragement. Lifting you up.

I'm here praying!