CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

I'm back on ye olde job hunt.

I am currently a 24 year old looser living with parents. As soon as my mother moves up to their retirement property after Thanksgiving with my dad, I will have to start paying rent. I have an Associate's Degree in computer graphic design. I'm pretty darn good at it, but there is not much demand for graphic designers right where I live. I currently hold a job at a local very small newspaper, but I have not been getting many hours there at all - not been needed. In fact, I was supposed to work today, but there was nothing for me to do, so on the phone I was told to stay home.

I had a second job for a while, at a print shop, but I lost that due to my irresponsibility. I have a tendency to stay up late at night... and I have trouble sleeping a lot. Then, in the morning, I don't want to get out of bed. Sometimes, it's real tiredness, sometimes, it's just me not wanting to face the world. The head of the Christian Writer's Club I'm in, whom I've talked to about this, is worried that I might have clinical depression. I do take a mild anti-depressant for a real diagnosis of Avoidant Personality Disorder. I wonder if I'm getting worse... Anyway, I almost never get anywhere on time, and I thought I could get away with it on the second job... and I couldn't. Got fired.

Anyway... I have bills to pay, auto insurance, a student loan I'm paying back. I haven't tithed in a long time (due to not getting up for morning church, in which there is the collection, and now... because I think I should be actually making somewhat of a living before I start tithing again)... My life is a bit of a mess, due to my own laziness and lack of confidence. It's not a total mess, I know people who have life worse - a lot worse, and well, I know the Lord, so I always have hope.

Anyway, I need a job... and I need some self-confidence. It seems like whenever I get anything good for myself, I ruin it. I have a lot of trouble dealing with people... bosses, co-workers, other people... my Avoidant Personality Disorder. Most of the time, I want to be off in my own little world. I have a LOT of trouble dealing with other humans in person. I also am very time-challenged... with wanting to get up and go anywhere, especially to a job - even jobs I LIKE, like doing graphic design.

Well, I'm asking for prayer... I hope it's not too much. I think I've got my Writer's Club all praying for me. I really need to work. I'm getting bored here at home, and I need something regular (unlike my newspaper job), so I can make money to pay bills and rent, and I want to eventually move out from under my parents' wing. I'm so afraid of being a failure/looser all my life... and I'm afraid that if I am one for too much longer, I might kill myself. In the meantime... I need somewhere to start, a good job, and the confidence and will to do it and to get there on time, and to get along with my bosses/coworkers like a normal person.

I'm trying to become a novelist... but... I need something practical while I still struggle with that. Even if I do get published, I doubt I'm going to be the next Stephen King or J.K. Rowling sucess-wise.

sure ill pray for you

I can well empathize with the loan part -- my student loans are starting to come due, and while I can defer them, the interest is still ticking up.

I'll put you on my prayer list, too.

Sure Shadsie, I will pray about this. I can relate to some of that.

I need a job really bad too. I'm almost 21, not in college, living with my mom and I'm a thousand bucks in the hole.

Sounds like fun eh?

I'll pray.

Absolutely.

Well, first of all in God's eyes nobody is a loser. We are of great value to him and that is something you need to continue to remind yourself of all the time. To call your life a failure is to say God is a failure because, as His child, He has control of your life. I would advise you to take one day at a time. The Lord knows your every need and what your future needs are. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34) That little piece of advice that Jesus was giving in the Sermon On The Mount was in His time a humorous quip. It followed a very strong statement directing the people to seek first God's kingdom and all their needs would be supplied to them. Therefore to worry was groundless and useless. I think much of you depression may stem from this fact, you are in a vicious cycle of worrying about your future. Every year we have a Christmas parade here in our little town. When I am standing on the street I can only view parts of that parade. The start when it goes by, each band or float as it passes, and jolly old Saint Nick when he arrives. If I were to climb up the water tower however, I could see that whole parade lined up from start to finish. I would know the order and progression of the whole thing. Remember in life we are like a person standing on the street level of a parade. We only see things as they arrive in our lives. But God is like the person on the water tower. He sees the whole picture from start to finish. Take heart in the fact that there is nothing in your life that is going to take God by surprise. He has the whole progression in His sight. Life can be discouraging to everyone. There are people out there who have the greatest jobs in the world, they have health, wealth and yet they are still depressed and struggling in life. What that tells me is that's not the real answer to the joy, peace and happiness you are desiring. Psalm 46 is a great hymn that deals with the fact that God steps into a turbulant world and brings order to chaos. Key to our knowledge of what God is doing in the midst of our distress in found in verse 10, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." This statement is so profound that it is almost more than we can digest fully. It deals with relationship. Jobs, health, wealth, etc. will never bring joy and peace. Only that deep abiding relationship with God, the one exalted among the nations and earth can do this. I know things can become discouraging, it does for all of us. But have faith in God. It could very well be that is what He wants you to do. You have been relying so much upon yourself and your education and your ablilities that you have left God out of the picture. Maybe it's time to be still and put Him back in the drivers seat of your life and hand control back to the one who has a full view of the parade. Maybe it time to really KNOW that He is God.

I'm praying for you and I know that if you will place it all in His hands He is going to do great things in and through your life.

Whoa! Preacher-man!

Profound. Yes.

My thing is... I have the fear that whatever good thing comes my way from God... I'm going to ruin it, because I'm bad. On jobs, I get lazy and I really don't have much self-control.

Haibane Shadsie wrote:My thing is... I have the fear that whatever good thing comes my way from God... I'm going to ruin it, because I'm bad. On jobs, I get lazy and I really don't have much self-control.

We need to ask ourselves this question...can we actually ruin anything that God has sanctified or blessed? He is the creator of all things. He holds the universe in His hands. He brought it into being with a word and He can take it out with a word. There is nothing you or anyone else can do to ruin what God is doing in this world unless He allows it. Do you think when Jesus looks at you he says, "Man, this guy is just plain bad!" Remember His blood flowed to cover over anything we consider bad. Your selling yourself off far too cheap. You can't allow Satan to have that grip on our life. God can help you with that laziness and lack of self-control. You can do ALL things through Christ (who does what?) gives you strength. That's what it's all about. His greatest desire is to grab the hand that is reaching out to Him. But He's waiting for it to be extended to Him. Remember when it seems like there is no one who belives in you (including yourself), God believes in you. And man if God is for us, who can be against us.

I will pray for you.

Thanks.

I will pray for you.

Amen to Rev. Doc. He is so right. Haibane, I'm glad you realize one thing in what you first wrote: I know the Lord so I always have hope. This is the most truest of facts. I think you know what to do -draw closer to the One who gives you hope.
I have always struggled with the same problem you have. I'm very agoraphobic. I would love to just hide in my room and never go out, but I can't. God's placed an excellent reason for me to conquer this fear - my family.

You are still so young and everything is so short-sighted (refer to the parade example by Doc). You may have clinical depression who knows. You need to start your morning with God, praying and listening (meditating) and reading His Word. Do this for a solid week. I'll be praying that you make the time. You seem smart enough to find a job, but I understand it's just you being able to get out of the house. God will give you the push, start trusting.

I'll be praying. God bless.

i will pray for you to get a job

I will be praying for you.