CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Hay guys it's me. I need some prayer, there’s just been some stuff going on with me that I don't know what to do. As I’ve said before I have been a Christian all my life. But there’s something I don't know what it is. I see my mom and dad, and my pastor and how much they love the Lord, and there relationship with Him, and I want it so bad. I want to feel God like they do, I want to see him that way, I want to see him and feel him in my life. I want it so bad. But I don't know how. I've lost count of how many times I’ve asked God into my heart. I just don't feel like He's there. I don't know what I feel. I don' t know anything. There’s this feeling I get, I feel like I’m in a dream, even though I’m not. And when I feel this way I’ve realized that I don't know who I am. I see myself in the mirror and I don't know who it is I’m looking at, yet at the same time I know exactly who it is. I get more aware of my surroundings, yet I don't. Last year I was having these thoughts, dark thoughts I hated them. I know it was just Satin trying to attack me. I had thoughts of suicide, even though I would never do it. I remember one night my parents went to rehearsal *there on the worship team at my church* my beat friend and I were playing video games. And then after she went home, and though thoughts came. I saw some scissors, and the thoughts were hurting me so bad, I took the scissors and threw them my back yard, I didn't what it, I cried out on my knees to God, I didn't want these thoughts any more, I couldn't handle them. I paged my dad, and told him I was having them, he came and picked me up and I finally told him in the car what they were. * had all ready told my mom* After getting rid of some stuff in my life that had been keeping me from God *TV. shows, video games* I did start to feel better. I still get the thoughts sometimes, and I just pray to God to help me. I want to be a Christian so bad! But I never feel that I’m one. Then I get these thoughts that I don't want to be one, and I know thows are from the devil cause I do want to be one. I want what the others have with him so bad! I know to read the Bible and pray, and I do, believe me I do! But I never feel anything. I don't even know myself. I want to speech up for God! I want to be someone to be able to tell others about him. But I never know what to say. I want to use the talents he has given me for Him and His glory, but I don't know how. I want to be His so bad that I don't know what to do! I want to love the Lord, but it's like I don't even know how to love. I know I must sound crazy, but I just don't know. I want to surrender my life to him, but I don’t know what to do. I’ve prayed “Lord make me yours! I know I’ve sinned, please forgive me, I give myself to you.â€

My God give you strength. I am so sorry to hear this! I am praying so hard! You really need support and prayer. I will tell everyone I know about this. Oh...please stay strong. Stay away from her Satan. Just leave her alone. She's hurting. Oh I pray. I pray!!!!!!

Thank you so mutch. I did talk to my dad. I am so blessed to have him and my mother to talk to. He told me somt stuff and i'm fealing better. But please just pray that i can figure theese things out with God's help Thank you.

I know what you mean, I've been through similar things of asking the Lord to come into my heart and really not feeling changed or reliefed. I would ask myself, "I'm giving myself up to you, why aren't you doing anything."

But it took me a while to find the anwsers. For me, even though I really wanted the Lord in my heart, I didn't feel any different. Well, because in a sense I had to take care of some unfinished business (which in effect was keeping the Lord out). My childhood was horrible to say least. I had a lot of built up anger towards a lot of people and myself. Anyways, I thought once I prayed about it, it was over. But what I failed to realize is that although I prayed, I never really "let go" of the past; I was only praying for a better future.

I've always been a believer, but that didn't really make me feel much better (besides being saved from hell) or worse. Until I learned to let go of my past, forgive and forget... I made it impossible for God to work to His potential.

Although we may sincerely ask God for forgiveness or help we need to be also willing and able to give it all to God. This may not be the case for you, but that was the case for me.

Everyone has their own set of problems they must face. My guess, which is only a guess is that perhaps there is something in your life you are holding onto that is not allowing God to work the way He needs (or wants to).

Also, take into concideration that not everyone is overly-spirited like you see on TV or in some churches. Some people like to be more eccentric or more energetic then others. Some like to stand up, dance and sing... Some don't. Personally, I don't. It doesn't make you any better in the eyes of the Lord. You are an individual.

Anyways, I hope this helps, if not sorry. I have a tendency to ramble on incoherently, making no sense or connection to the main point or problem. Regardless of what it may be that is keeping you from feeling the love and comfort you seek, I will pray for you. Give it all to the Lord, and have faith. If you do that much, I know you'll be just fine.

SorasOathKeeper, wait upon the Lord and do your best to be patient.

Sooner or later, God will reveal what's going on your life and you two will work it out. You need not do your best to make God love you; He already loves you, still loves you and will love you forever. With that said, keep running towards Jesus, we'll support you in prayers.

Hey Laura,

I know how you feel. There were times in my life where I would look around at other Christians and wonder what I was doing wrong, how their relationship with Christ could seam so powerful, and my own so meager.

Part of the problem was my own expectations. I was so sure that being saved was this magical roller coaster that would just propel me to new heights. A constant spiritual high if you will. The reality is that while we are empowered by the Holy Spirit, there will still be times of struggle.

When we commit out lives to God, He has given us the strength to push on and serve Him. But our salvation alone is not the top of this mountain of life, it just brings us to the base. We will still face trials as we climb, but with out God we wouldn’t have the strength to continue (let alone have even found the mountain). But you have to climb.

Laura wrote: I want to see him and feel him in my life. I want it so bad. But I don't know how. I've lost count of how many times I’ve asked God into my heart. I just don't feel like He's there.

Laura wrote: I want to be a Christian so bad! But I never feel that I’m one.

Faith. You only have to ask Christ into your heart once. After that, all you need is faith that He is there with you always. That He forgives you, that He will lift you up, and that all you have to do is believe with all your heart.

If you have already asked Him into your heart, and you believe He truly died for the remission of your sins, then you are already a Christian in my book. The rest is just growing as you go.

I will keep you in my prayers.

-kaji

Father,
It sounds like your servant has made some positive steps and she really desires a closer walk with You. Bless her walk and teacher her Your ways. Give her patience to continue to study and grow and seek You first in all things. Teach her not to spend too much time worrying about why Your relationship isn't better. Instead, focus on learning as much as she can and doing what You desires and the relationship will take care of itself.

Father, we know that sin and uncertainty will always follow us - there's no magic formula to erase doubt. Help SorasOathkeeper to be patient and follow You and give her confidence that it will work out.
Amen

Thank you guys!^^

I shall pray for you

One thing that may help, especially since you can talk so freely and openly with your parents, is to ask them how their Christian life started out, how it developed, when they truly felt saved, etc.

Personally, I was saved at 7, but I never felt like I was living for God until I was 19. It took me 12 years, but without realizing it, I was growing during those years, even when I was straying from God. The main thing to do -- and the hardest thing to do -- is to be patient. Just keep trying, and keep believing. I know it's hard, trust me, but God will bring you through!

I'll pray for you!

laura! i feel so ashamed that i didnt see this request sooner. God loves you so much. and he sees that your hurting. God plays hide and seek with us, hes testing us. when he hides his face from us, its all a test. he wantsw to see if were going to continue seaking him or are we going to turn to the world. God wants you to surrendor eveything to him, everything! and i know its hard and your trying but you dont know what to say and you dont know how to give it to him. trust me, ive been there. ive been flat on my face, weeping and crying out to God. ive watched as others around me a filled with the holy spirit and then theres me, alone in the corner. its like you feel like theres this door, and you can see through the window, you can see the amazing things happening on the otherside, but its locked. and no matter how much you knock and yell, no one comes to answer the door. its like your at a train station, and everyone is boarding the train and its about to leave but theres too many ppl in the crowd for you to push your way through to get on the train. eventually its like you get lost in this sea of faces in the crowd and you cant distinguish witch one is yourself. the Bible says "ask and you shall recieve, seek and you will find, knock and the door shall be opened unto you." this is a promise that God has given us. quote that scripture back to Him and fast. laura, God loves that your hungry for Him, He loves that your searching for Him. dont loose faith! dont stop searching, because God is waiting. that was the word he gave me the other day. i was worshipping and i could feel angels around me and a voice whispered in my ear "i am waiting." eveyone else in the room at the time said that they could either see angels or feel them. this generation is a generation for the Lord and you will not be left behind! revival is coming, its going to wash over the nations and flood the earth. its coming for you, you wont be left behind. the Lord is waiting for the day that eveyone finally stands up for God and speaks his word, when we stop living double lives where were christians on sunday and some one else the next! God, i pray you cover lauras ears with your hands, Father. that she wouldnt listen to these lies one second longer! your word says in mathew that when two or more come together on earth asking for something of the Father in heaven it will be done. so were coming to you now and crying out Lord. fill laura, God. dont hide your face from her. enable her to step out form the crowd and be who youve called her to be, Father. she isnt just another person, God, youve called her to be different and seperate from the world. God open her ears, her spiritual ears that she would hear Your voice, Father and not the voice of the enemy. open her spiritual eyes, that she would see You and that she would see herself as You see her. God, let her smell the scent of heaven and let her fell your arms around her. God, free her to dance, free her to sing, free her to run, free her to cry out your name! God, let her run and chace after you and follow where your leading her. let her run untill it feels like she cant go on and she cant take another breath, and right when she gets to that place where it feels like she cant breath, God fill her with new life and new breath and new words God. when she gets in those times where it feals like she cant see your face or hear Your voice, give her the wisdom and encoragement to decifer your words from the enemies and her own. let revival come, Father. make her frsh and new God and mold her into the woman youve called her to be, Father. God, speak into your daghters life, you have such an amazing plan for her, and shes going to lead so many people to you God. she is goinmg to be come a strong woman of christ who cant be shaken because she is standing on the rock of the Lord, on the dwelling place of God, that she would know who she is in Christ and she would not sumble. increase he rhunger for you God and give her the water from heaven, rain down the fire of the Lord and bring revival Father. seal this into her spirit God, plant a seed Father and let it grow strong. by the authority from the Blood shed on Calvaries cross i say that this spirit of depression and thoughts of suicide must leave now in the name of Jesus! SATAN YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER HER, SHE IS A DAUGHTER OF THE LORD MOST HIGH! BE GONE NOW IN THE NAME OF JESUS, LEAVE HER ALONE. in jesus name and by the blood shed on calvaries cross, amen.
laura, you need to take authority over this. when adam and eve ate the forbidden fruit they handed the authority that God gave them over the earth to satan. but when jesus died on the cross that authority was given back. take authority and verbally quote scripture at satan and rebuke him. God is waiting, hes at your door, he at your window, hes at the foot of your bed, hes waiting for you and just as hungry you are for him and how much your loning for him he is so much more hungry for you and he is loning for you. he created you and he loves you and he is waiting for you. if you ever need to talk im a pm or e-mail away!