CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Oi....

I feel like a complete and utter wreck. I hate myself. I want to die. Don't worry, I would never kill myself as I have stated once before but....I just hate life. It hurts to live....everyday gets harder....

As some of you remember, months ago I was struggling with my faith. I kept feeling as if I was losing faith in God, and sadly, I can only report that hasn't improved much. Sometimes I feel as if God has indeed given me some support, but at other times I feel as if it has gotten worse. I almost wish I would have died long ago....at least that way I could have been sure and happy of my faith....and I would have went to Heaven with God for sure...

But now? I'm scared of life. I'm scared of death. I just want faith in God...THAT'S ALL. I would give everything I have for faith....anything....everything....is that so bad?


But what's wrose is what happened recently. As we all know, Terri Shaivo died recently, and well....I expressed my opinion. Many people I know support the husband (despite his cheating on her, not allowing her religious rights, etc.) and it really made me mad. All they said was that her parents were just crying for attention and were nuts, they also kept saying Terri was better off dead, yet the next min, they claimed she felt no pain....it was then I told many of them they were stone. I said that because they were being so cruel....so sad....

It was then he said it.

One of the members of another board (a Christian Democrate) told me I was just an annoying radical Christian who was dragging the Lord's name through the mud and was an insult to him and all Christians....I cried....and I'm still crying. I'm an insult to God....and having trouble with faith....

I just wish God would take me away to someplace nice...but since I'm clearly an insult....maybe I don't deserve any of it. I probably don't deserve his love....I feel so horrible. I hate myself. I REALLY hate myself.

I will pray for you. But I think you need to see a Christian counselor. Please don’t take this the wrong way. I don’t think you are some kind of nut job. It just that maybe you have some feelings that need you to talk a professional about.
PS try not to feel bad about Terri Shaivo, regardless of what happened. I feel in my hart that now she is with Jesus and that we should be happy for her.

Sweetie, some people just can't say what they believe about an issue (THAT GUY ON THE OTHER BOARD IS THE ONE I'M REFERRING TO!) so they just insult everyone who disagrees with them. It's sad, but true. That man isn't God. God loves you completely. Accept that. Even when it doesn't feel right. Even when you doubt it. Just know that doubt is the devil. When you have those piercing doubts, just tell the devil to get the heck out of your life.

I'll be praying for you-- praying that you'll find joy.

You're not an insult to God. I think you assessed the situation correctly. I'd recommend you report the post that called you that, since I would think that was outside the bounds of acceptable behavior at CAA.

What comes to mind as I read your post is Matthew 5:11-12 in regards to this.

I've been where you are in the faith struggle. From what I've learned, it's like spiritually we're infants, and gradually, God draws back a little to help us to stand on our own two feet (spiritually speaking), but even though you can't feel his presence, doesn't mean he's not there. He is. He still loves you and knows the sincerity of your heart in this terrible event.

I had a spiritual advisor who once told me something that would apply to you: "Remember that God wants to get you to heaven, even more than you do-- so trust that he will lead you there by the road He sees as best"

Hope this helps (or at least doesn't waste your time).

I just wish God would take me away to someplace nice...but since I'm clearly an insult....maybe I don't deserve any of it. I probably don't deserve his love....I feel so horrible. I hate myself. I REALLY hate myself.

You should never let an opinion of another get you down. Myself, I am sad they pulled the tube, for reasons for various reasons (though I won't go into it)... but the point is that just because there are a lot of christians doesn't mean they will all have the same exact opinion as you do. Me, I'm very conservative, my friend is democratic. The only thing that really matters is the trust and faith we put in Jesus. No one, "deserves" Jesus's love, but get gladly gives it to anyone willing to accept it. You just have to allow yourself to do so.

I'll continue to pray for you, but seriously, don't let the comments of others get you down all the time. You're not an insult just because you differ in opinons. There will be a million people who will disagree w/ you in life. Sometimes we need to learn not to let everything be so personal.

You are not an insult to God and don't allow anyone to tell you that you are.

As always, continue to put your faith and trst in Jesus. I'll be praying.

Since even very recently, I have often wanted to die and have considered comitting suicide, I know that you must be feeling very, very bad right now and I will be praying for you.

However, I can't really support what you did with regards to the people who you were talking with about Terri Schiavo. Telling them all that they're "stoned" because of their opinion on an issue is just begging for people to get mad at you. I've personally experienced a lot of discrimination because of my political and social views. Not on here of course, but in the real world. The school I used to go to, Hendersonville Christian Academy, was almost like the 'Big Brother' society from 1984. The history books constantly told us that Republicans were good and Democrats were evil, and that if you didn't agree with the school's views that you were evil. The teachers actually lowered my grades just because they didn't agree with me. I didn't try to be rude or judgemental, and yet they all began to despise me. Also, I have been questioning my sexuality, and that has brought me a great deal of pain from the Christian community. I have been made fun of constantly, beaten up, called an "evil ****" and a "sodomite" and I have even gotten death threats from some. I've never told many people about it, but I think that somehow they could just tell it was something I'm dealing with..... I also fell in love with this 17-year-old guy, Stephen. However, the relationship ended very, very badly. Because of my school, but mainly because of my homo/bisexual thoughts and desires, I have contemplated shooting myself many times. Though I'm not suicidal anymore, I find it extremely difficult to trust very many members of the Christian community, and a lot of times, even God himself.

However, a lot of what I said probably can't directly help you too much, so.... all I can say is just keep praying and try to do things that make you happy. Just keep on trying to love God and do his will for you, and everything will work out. God will get you through it.

Oh btw, you are NOT an insult to God. Don't ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER think that he doesn't love you or that he's ashamed of you.

You're not an insult to God at all. There is nothing wrong with your stance on the issue.

People can be so cruel on message boards. I'm sorry this happened to you. Whoever said that truly ought to be ashamed of themselves. It is they who are acting in a way unbecoming of a follower of Christ by treating you, who is a beloved child of God, like that.

It makes me very angry indeed that someone could be like that to you.

As has been said earlier, it might be helpful for you to talk to someone. If it were me, I would go speak to my Priest. If you're Protestant, of course, you'd go see your pastor. God has put them in our lives to help us when we need spiritual advice.

Finally, you strike me as someone who really does love God. God sees that. He knows it. He loves you more than any human could love anything. You are His precious child.

I'll be sure to pray that your heart is healed.

Angel, I am deeply saddened by Terri's passing and I want to tell you this:

That man who told you that cruel, crude remark to you is NOT living to God's word, not only is he disrespecting you, he just spat God in the face, and now I am praying that he sees what he had just done and repents.

You are not an insult, again you are NOT an insult, don't ever say that, never say that. I have told you many times before Angel, you have a life for a reason, and God wants you to live it. There has to be hard times or else there is no point. My dear Angel Mitsuki, please do not doubt God's loving word:

Psalm 103:1-6

1 Praise the LORD , O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD , O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

Psalm 105:1-11

1 Give thanks to the LORD , call on his name;
make known among the nations what he has done.
2 Sing to him, sing praise to him;
tell of all his wonderful acts.
3 Glory in his holy name;
let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice.
4 Look to the LORD and his strength;
seek his face always.

5 Remember the wonders he has done,
his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced,
6 O descendants of Abraham his servant,
O sons of Jacob, his chosen ones.
7 He is the LORD our God;
his judgments are in all the earth.

8 He remembers his covenant forever,
the word he commanded, for a thousand generations,
9 the covenant he made with Abraham,
the oath he swore to Isaac.
10 He confirmed it to Jacob as a decree,
to Israel as an everlasting covenant:
11 "To you I will give the land of Canaan
as the portion you will inherit."

And don't forget Christ's teaching on Blessings:

Luke 6:20-23

20Looking at his disciples, he said: “Blessed are you who are poor,
for yours is the kingdom of God.
21Blessed are you who hunger now,
for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now,
for you will laugh.
22Blessed are you when men hate you,
when they exclude you and insult you
and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man.

23“Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their fathers treated the prophets.

You are loved Angel, by all of us. You have a life to live. You are God's loving child.

I pray for you to be healed.

Guys, let's not close another thread with discussion of the Terri Schiavo case. Let's simply pray for her, and for our friend Angel Mitsuki.

Angel, you are not an insult to God. You are created in his image, and because of that he only looks on you with love, and you have been filled with insurmountable dignity.

As for your faith problems, I think they could possibly be a blessing in disguise. God is surely pleased with your desire for a deeper and greater portion of faith. That desire in itself is pleasing to God, and I believe it will help you reflect years from now on how great a gift faith is. I will be praying for you.

Let us discontinue the talk about Terry Schiavo. She is no longer with us and has died. Whether or not you wanted her to die or not, is moot, the fact is God is in control and now Terry is gone. So please, let her rest in peace and let us not drag her back up in these discussions - okay?

Now, Mitsuki Lover, Osaka was right on the mark here:

Mangafanatic, a.k.a. Osaka wrote:
Sweetie, some people just can't say what they believe about an issue (THAT GUY ON THE OTHER BOARD IS THE ONE I'M REFERRING TO!) so they just insult everyone who disagrees with them. It's sad, but true. That man isn't God. God loves you completely. Accept that. Even when it doesn't feel right. Even when you doubt it. Just know that doubt is the devil. When you have those piercing doubts, just tell the devil to get the heck out of your life.

I'll be praying for you-- praying that you'll find joy.

Only God and what He thinks of you counts. He is the one who gave His only begotten Son for you. He is the one who will love you when others will betray, mock or laugh at you.

Please spend time with Him in prayer and in His Word. He will continue to speak to you if you open yourself to being with Him. He's like a wonderful friend, whom the more you are with the more you get to know Him.

Your security is in Christ and His payment on the cross. He sees your Savior when He looks at you, not you. If you believe Him to be the Lord of your life, then he will keep you close. No power on earth or in the spiritual realm can seperate us from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39).

Like AH said here, He will always be there drawing you to Him if you believe:

AnimeHeretic wrote:
"Remember that God wants to get you to heaven, even more than you do-- so trust that he will lead you there by the road He sees as best"

I'll be praying for you to find peace - the peace that surpasses all understanding. ^_________^

There are few things in this world that make me angrier than to hear one Christian put another down in such a horrible way.

I can't echo what the other members have said enough - what that person said was incredibly rude and inappropriate. I can't stress enough that NONE of us are an embarassment to God. We were ALL made in His image. We are ALL wonderfully and fearfully made, regardless of our political or social beliefs.

I'm sick of people who nitpick at this facet of our faith or that facet. I'm sick of people who think that you have to be a member of the Republican party, a pro-life supporter, or in weekly attendance at church to be a Christian. You know what? These people miss the big picture. They miss the fact that we are all members of the Lord's family. They miss the fact that the Lord loves ALL His children, regardless of the sin in their lives. They miss the fact that though God is omniscient, all powerful, and a hater of sin, He is also our Heavenly FATHER, and therefore will love and support us regardless of how many times we stray from Him.

So please, Angel_Mitsuki, don't get caught up in the minutia like some people do. Keep your eyes focused on the Lord, and most of all keep your eyes focused on His infinite love for both you and me. I'll be praying for you.

Kokoro Daisuke wrote:There are few things in this world that make me angrier than to hear one Christian put another down in such a horrible way.

I can't echo what the other members have said enough - what that person said was incredibly rude and inappropriate. I can't stress enough that NONE of us are an embarassment to God. We were ALL made in His image. We are ALL wonderfully and fearfully made, regardless of our political or social beliefs.

I'm sick of people who nitpick at this facet of our faith or that facet. I'm sick of people who think that you have to be a member of the Republican party, a pro-life supporter, or in weekly attendance at church to be a Christian. You know what? These people miss the big picture. They miss the fact that we are all members of the Lord's family. They miss the fact that the Lord loves ALL His children, regardless of the sin in their lives. They miss the fact that though God is omniscient, all powerful, and a hater of sin, He is also our Heavenly FATHER, and therefore will love and support us regardless of how many times we stray from Him.

So please, Angel_Mitsuki, don't get caught up in the minutia like some people do. Keep your eyes focused on the Lord, and most of all keep your eyes focused on His infinite love for both you and me. I'll be praying for you.

Amen. God is the most important thing. He doesn't care if you're Democrat, Republican, pro-life, pro-choice, pro or anti-war, etc. etc., all he cares about is that you LOVE him and desire to be with him. Jesus is all that matters.

Well put everyone well put.

I'm still praying for you Angel.

My dear, I hope the following words bring you comfort.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." (Psalm 139: 13, 14)

"There's nothing we can do to make God loves us more.
There is nothing we can do to make God love us less."

"God does not love us because we are so valuable;
we are valuable because God loves us." (Helmut Thielicke)

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38, 39)

Yes, we make mistakes. But it's nothing new to God. He knows our sins of the past, present, and future, and His Son, Jesus Christ, already paid the price for them all on the cross. He's ready to accept you just as you are as long as you realize that He wants to transform you, from where you are, to become more like who He wants you to be -- righteous and holy.

No kidding -- life is tough! I'm sorry to hear of the hurt you're experiencing. -_- But God gave you life and it's a precious gift.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD , "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

This earth is not our home! We're but "pilgrims" and we have the privilege of being God's ambassadors to those who are still not a part of His kingdom. Our journey will, no doubt, be tough. Suffering is not unexpected. But you're not alone. Call on the Holy Spirit! Seek out other brothers and sisters in Christ! In a race many may start, but not all may finish. So, finish strong!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:1, 2)

Mr_Ross wrote:Amen. God is the most important thing. He doesn't care if you're Democrat, Republican, pro-life, pro-choice, pro or anti-war, etc. etc., all he cares about is that you LOVE him and desire to be with him. Jesus is all that matters.

This sounds like this is going off topic to the political. The FAQ is there for what can't be discussed and the above is just begging for a flame war, which I won't start.

Angel mentioned about the Democrat, Republican etc. thing in her post AH.

No flame war happening, just prayers that you will get well Mitsuki.

CephasVII wrote:Angel mentioned about the Democrat, Republican etc. thing in her post AH.

No flame war happening, just prayers that you will get well Mitsuki.

Mr Ross touched on some very serious christian issues, which was my main thrust.

Yep, and that is what Angel is having troubles with: Christian issues. We're helping her to solve them.

CephasVII wrote:Yep, and that is what Angel is having troubles with: Christian issues. We're helping her to solve them.

I see a divergence where I noted, but like I said I'm not going to be the one to start it, so this is my last on the subject before I say something I regret.

Oh, don't worry about it buddy. You won't be banned. Just tell us you will pray for Mitsuki, okay?

Did I forget to put that in my original post? I'm sorry. I meant to.

Of course I'm praying for you A-M, that God help in your hour of need.

Angel Mitsuki wrote:It hurts to live....everyday gets harder.....

Life is pain. We were promised it would be painful. It's hard for us to understand, to see what God has in store for us. To know He is really there and cares for us.

You are not an insult to God nor can you drag His name through the mud. Shame on anyone who would say such a thing. I would love to have a discussion with the person who said this.

But putting that aside, God does love you and He has a plan for you. The road will not be easy, He has things to teach you that will be painful and hard to endure. But the journey is worth it. Don't loose heart. One day, all will be made clear. There will be no more pain, no more doubt - just sparkling clarity. Remain faithful and learn as much as you can and you will endure.

I, too look forward to the day when all is made clear, but I know I still have much to learn. So teach me, Father. Show me Your ways. I know I can not earn Your favor, so thank You for Your grace. Help me top be faithful as You are faithful. This my prayer for myself and you Angel Mitsuki, and everyone here at CAA.

Amen

Hmm...everyone has shared excellent points.

I'll just say I'll pray for you and add what my pastor has been telling us for the last few weeks: "You cannot outsin the power of Jesus' blood. His blood conquers all."

(*O*)/ POWER TO THE BLOOD!!