CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

I'm really at a point in my life, that I just tried and want to give up. I feel that I'm just stuck in college in a major that I will not use. I'm tried of taking meds day in and day out now and having to deal with my health problem. It true that I think about cutting myself sometime, but I just end up where I'm at now. I just feel unwanted everywere I go and with anyone, but I can't show or feel like talking about my feels. I smile on the outside, but hurt on the inside and there are just times that I just want to have a break down and let it out.

Plus, as of late. I don't really trust my faith anymore and just stop really going to chruch. I really feel that I don't know if I can go back to being a christian anymore. I was never a good one from the start anyway.

I really don't like asking for prayers for myself, because I feel there are others more in need then I do.

But I guess I need some help on this matter then I thought I would.


Wingzero22

I will definately pray. It doesn't matter if you're a 'great Christian' or not. It's just doing your best. That's all anyone can really do. We all strive to be great, and often fall short. I know how it is to feel hopeless or worthless, but God has always helped me through those times and I know He can do the same for you. And maybe you should let it out. There's nothing wrong with that.

Anyways, I don't know if I'm making any sense. It's late. But don't give up. God cares about you, and other people care about you too. I care about you, and I don't even know you. So anyway, I'll keep you in my prayers. I hope things start going better for you soon.

*hugs*/*prayers* i'm too out of it this morning to say more. But I hope things improve.

I will pray for you. ::Hug::

The fact that you're asking for prayer means that you're not too far away from Christ, at least not as far away as you think you are. And although crying is never fun, it can help sometimes, so it might be best to just find some alone time and just cry, just let it all out. During your pain and crying, you may even hear God's voice speaking, still and softly. So never physically hurt yourself. Just let your feelings out a little, and don't let them keep bottling up. That may be the comfort He's leading you toward.

I'll pray for you, Wingzero.

Thanks. Really my problem is, I really feel like I'm unwanted or just feel alone most of times that, I end up in a break down mode. The other thing is, I keep alot of stuff in me and smile on the outside and not really tell or show my feelings that I have in the inside.


Wingzero22

I myself have often felt like the "last kid picked" and such. I've looked around and have seen people that I write off as having more than what I have, or are completely happy. But then the Lord tells me and I realize that I do have a lot, and by looking at those people, I'm showing envy and coveteousness. What you can do is just ask the Lord to let you know just how blessed you are.

About showing your feelings, I understand that. Sometimes you have something real deep inside that you're wary of sharing with people. If God is the only one you can spill your heart out to, then that's ok. At the same time, I will pray that you find a way to disclose your feelings with someone you can really trust.

I will also pray that you don't dwell on thoughts of cutting yourself. I have also thought of suicide when I felt depressed, but those thoughts passed when I realized how much that would break the people who love me. I understand you feel down right now, but hang in there. I'm praying.

Take care, Wingzero22.

Wingzero22 wrote:Plus, as of late. I don't really trust my faith anymore and just stop really going to chruch. I really feel that I don't know if I can go back to being a christian anymore. I was never a good one from the start anyway.

None of us are claiming to be good. There will be valley times as you describe and they are not necessarily a bad thing, depending on how you respond to them (IMO).

I know how it feels like to be in the valley (I'm going through it right now and I assure you that it involves a lot of stress and tears). But the most important thing is to never give up. Jesus went through the ultimate suffering, loneliness and rejection because He knew the joy He'll attain in the end.

We'll be cheering and praying for you, so keep pushing onwards in the race!

I will pray

The good news is, I feel better about my faith and a little about not feeling so unwanted and such. I know this not going to be easly and just feel better like turning on a light switch. But I think I can make it, its just going to be an uphill battle for now.

Wingzero22

Don't just think you can make it, Wingzero22. You have to sincerely believe you can make it. The two are very different. I'm still praying for ya.

Ah, I give up!


This maybe my last post for a bit.


I'm have a hard time about alot of stuff, but I'm really got to a point where I don't have anyone to talk to.

So, now I'm bad in a bad mood about this and feel the same way I did before I started this thread.

I just feel unwelcome everywhere I go and its like, what is the point of believing something when you are not welcome.

I know the feeling of being unwelcome. I've felt it just about everywhere I've ever gone. I think it's more a trick my mind plays on me than anything else. I think it both comes from and causes my introverted tendencies.

I don't know what kind of meds you take, but ups and downs and mood swings and insecurities and the like are things we just have to deal with. Take heart in the fact that God is faithful and will not abandon you in your darkness. If no other person on Earth cares for you, He does. What else matters?

I had a similar time as you when I was in college. It was really a dark time for me and I teetered on the edge for a few years. I have no advise to make getting through it easier, you must simply persevere. God is trying to teach you something. Direct you energy to figuring out what that is. How would Jesus view your present situation? How would He view the people around you? Ask Him and study what He has already told you and all of us and you will make it through. It’s going to be hard, and believe me, I don’t want to walk that path again myself, but persevere. Trudge on everyday and don’t give up. You will be rewarded for it.

Sorry if that was preachy, but you remind me of me back in my college days. I pray you find the will to continue on.

Wing, we don't always have to be happy. Although we are tested and put through trials, it doesn't mean we have to smile and be merry about it. It doesn't mean we can't get down or angry. It doesn't mean it won't hurt.

It means that we find meaning through the pain. We find a reason to keep going so that God can either make us stronger or use as an inspiration to other people.

I know what you mean about not feeling accepted and such...I feel that way here and everyone else. It comes with being insecure with yourself. God will place you where He wants you and can use you wherever.

I will pray that He gives you comfort and peace. *hugs*

I'll pray too, Wingzero. I've been through dark times as well, just like termyt, although compared to him I'm just a kid. Don't throw the towel in the ring yet, bro. Hang onto God's promises. You'll see why He led you through this in time.

dude, im not gonna lie to you; this seems like a crucial point in your life and your walk. i really encourage you to just let God carry your load with you. we try to do this ourselves most of the time and the result is we get burnt out in life and totally feel disoriented and outta place.

im not trying to be preachy or high and mighty, but if you havnt try to get plugged into your church. just being amungst fellow believers really helps out, and you can meet some really great people there.

wild at heart. if you havnt read this, i really think you might benefit from it. just from what youve said in your prior posts in this thread, its screaming out to me that you would really get alot out of it. theres a book to read, and a workbook to do. most churches have wild at heart groups. i wenta one for alittle over a year. it was amazing. if you havnt already read this book, it will be insanely hard to read. i cant really put into words much about this book, but i can tell you what it did for me. it tore down my false identity i made for myself, the happy carefree self i wanted people to think i was like, but i kept alot inside. it made me deal with lots of hurts in my past, and it totally brought me out of a spiritual dry spell and put me where God had set for me to be. ive probally used this book as a recommendation before, but dude its a reality check and then some. i felt led to hit up on this because ive gone though alot of dry times and soubted my worth often.as a fellow brother in Christ, i encourage you to check this book out, it really opened up a new path that was otherwise completly invisible to me.

im praying for you wingzero

termyt wrote:I don't know what kind of meds you take, but ups and downs and mood swings and insecurities and the like are things we just have to deal with.

Well, one med that I have take does give you mood swings. It will make you sad or mad at any min.

I never had the problem with being mad at anything as for the mood swing, but being sad was the more or less the problem. Its like having someone just turn your mood one way like a light switch.


Anyway, after taking time and thinking about this. I do feel a bit better as I don't feel like I'm losing my faith or anything. I think it was feeling sad and unwanted. Now, I don't when I know that I have God in my life, family and friends IRL and online.


As for college. I'm sticking with it, but I'm going to change something as what I want to do. I do want to finish the major that I'm in now, but I do want to add another major for college. Its something that I love and really would like to use it as having a job or something down the road.

Wingzero22

You're planning on doing a double major or something like that? Wow!