CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

So there is this middle-aged, married guy (who shall remain unnamed) at my church. Last May at a church garage sale he snuck up behind me, put his arm around me, started stroking the back of my neck, and talking to me. I don't remember what exactly I said, but I managed to get away pretty quickly. My mom saw it, and got upset.

It seems like every time I see him, he is staring at me. He is always hanging around (last Sunday in particular), so I talked with my mom about it some more. She is all riled up about it again AND it turns our that she was going to tell my dad, but it happened in the morning and by the end of the busy day she forgot to tell him, so he just found out about it. Now he is feeling upset not only at that guy but also at us because we didn't tell him. He is very mad and worried.

My mom is freaking out and telling me that I have to practice yelling 'no,' and being rude in front of the mirror, and not to look at him, or smile at him, to ask other girls from church if he has bothered then, and to stay away from him.

I wish I hadn't caused all this disturbance, but I know that not telling them would be worse, so overall I don't reget it.

Please pray.

Okay, you said this happened last MAY?! o_o Has he touched you again? Did your mom have a talk with this man? I mean, I think it's nice your mom is making you practice yelling "no" in the mirror, I should do that with my shy little girl, but she should have went up to that pervert and told him NO to his face. This is how I would have handled it: I would have walked up to the married man and said, "You will never touch my daughter again, or you will regret it." ^_____^ And then, I would smile real big. Actually, I would have probably been a bit more cordial, but I don't mind ruffling some feathers.

I just think it was important for the safety of other little girls, because more than likely he has approached other little girls, that your mom immediately spoke to the leadership of the church. Please tell me she has spoken to the leadership, or at the least your dad will be talking to them.

It's good she wants you to ask around the other girls in the church, but has she approached other moms? If I was a mom I would want to be made aware of this man.

Man, I just can't stand men like this.

Okay, well I will pray for the situation. ^______^

Hmm... This really bothered me:

I wish I hadn't caused all this disturbance, but I know that not telling them would be worse, so overall I don't reget it.

If you are feeling at ALL like you are causing this, I really hope you will stop and think about that feeling. It's entirely possible that feeling is NOT coming from you. (Satan loves to make us feel we are responsible for sin, whether it's ours or someone else's). Please ask yourself if it's OK to feel that way. There are two separate issues here.

1. The guy made you uncomfortable.
2. You think you should have done more talking about it.

It's OK to be upset with yourself about number two (that's part of how we grow - just don't dwell on that, OK?)

As for number 1, though, do NOT attribute this to any wrong doing on your part, OK? The guy is at fault for that. You did the right thing by talking to your parents, and I really hope that if anyone else here were in the same situation that they would do the same thing.

And the next time you're in a situation where some makes you feel uncomfortable, recite this scripture to yourself:

"Have I not commanded you, 'Be strong and courageous?' Do not be terrified! Do not be discouraged! For the Lord your God is with you where ever you go."

Definately, don't think that it's your fault. And don't feel that you're causing a disruptance with others... because this is something that HAS to be taken care of

That's just disguisting. Furthermore, it's not your fault at all. Don't even feel REMOTELY guilty for this. I'll be praying that God will work out all the details of this situation. It's so sad that things like this happen in CHURCHES! GEEZ!

You have nothing to be sorry about... it's the other guy doing so. Though I do agree w/ your mother. Sometimes we need to be blunt... and say "no," or "please leave me alone, I have no interest and your freaking me out." Or heck, "I didn't appreciate you doing that to me, leave me alone our I'll call the cops." Never be afraid to stand up for yourself, otherwise you allow others to walk all over you. I'm not saying to always be rude or crude... but it's okay to be blunt at times, for protect yourself (physically or emotionally). If you need help, have your parents help tell him to leave you alone, or do it yourself with your parents behind you for comfort or support... whichever... Sometimes the direct approach is the best.

If all else fails, beat some sense into him....

I'll be praying.

never think that your being a burden on your parents because of this mans actions Anna Mae; they wouldn't make a deal of this if they didnt care for your safety.

yeah, people suck at life. just 'cause somebody goes to church doesn't mean their on a good God game (my way of saying having an active walk with God) or don't have .. really out there problems. however i dont think pitty or understanding towards a predator is wise; afterall we are warned of "wolfs in sheeps clothing." being in church doesnt hold for much at all if you dont intragrate what you learn of your faith and grow. the current statements of churchs having huge problems is a testament of this matter.

Just to reassure everyone, I do not feel like it is my fault AT ALL- I am just sad to see all of the negative emotions flying around. (I did tell my mom right after it happened just in case anyone was unsure about that)

No he has not touched me again (and none of the girls I have talked to have been bothered by him), and this is one of the reasons that my parents have not talked to him or any of the church leadership. They want to give him the benefit of the doubt. My dad knows this guy who did something like that once. He was confronted about it and it turned out that he just came from a really touchy/lovey family, and felt awful when he found out how the girl took it.

My parents to intend to confront him and tell the church leadership about it if anything else happens, though.

Thanks for praying, everyone.

Confronting him is not a bad thing. Your parents (you shouldn't do it alone) perhaps should let him know how you feel about everything. AT this stage I'd try to do that without making accusations or threats or anything like that. He'll likely be embarrassed and alter his behavior. If gets angry or defense, well, then that may indicate he has a development need.

Sill, I would label him a pedophile or pervert just yet. Not that you were, just saying. He ought to know the boundaries by now and just ignoring the situation my not reinforce those boundaries like you want it to.

termyt wrote:Sill, I would label him a pedophile or pervert just yet. Not that you were, just saying.

Heh. I will trust that you mean "wouldn't."

Thanks for praying.

I think it would be best to confront him about this. Ask him why he did it and all that. I know that it can be pretty hard to confront people like this sometimes. i'll pray that God gives you the strength to confront him. And like termyt said I'm not sure you should label him as a pervert pedophile just yet.He does sound kind of creepy, though. And he's married?! Does his wife know? Just confront him and see.

Things are getting weirder. Last Wednesday my brother saw him so something similar to a married guy. Please pray that my family will have wisdom in considering what to do.

I'll pray about this. There are some sincere and well-meaning individuals who just happen to be a little more hands-on than what the society feels comfortable with. I have friends who hug me/pat me on the head/place their hands on my shoulder etc. more than I want them too. >_<;;; However, there is an overwhelming group of ppl who do not intend any good. So, like most of us, I'd rather not take any chances.

Sorry to hear the less-than-happy feelings going around in the family even if it's not your fault. May the Lord help you all work things out. I'll pray for your situation.

Thank you to everyone who is praying.

Anna Mae wrote:Things are getting weirder. Last Wednesday my brother saw him so something similar to a married guy. Please pray that my family will have wisdom in considering what to do.

What do you mean saw him something similar to a married guy?

My brother says that he saw that guy walk up behind another married guy and do a stroky thing on the back of his neck and start talking to him.

Nothing much has happened... except that he keeps staring at me.

I've been reading through the thread, and while my first reaction was "CREEP!!!", after hearing you tell of how he did it to a guy as well, I am beginning to think that he might just probably be from a touchy-lovey family like people have suggested.

However, I shall pray about it, that if it is just a misunderstanding that it will be sorted out, but if it is more serious that it be brought to the light.

Thank you, Talame.