CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

i....only recently have i started believing in God and started praying. But for a long time now, i've cut and been alone all my life it seems. Just last night i did a big one on my wrist for the first time.. and for once i realy, realy wanted to kill myself.

I'm scared, for even having these thoughts since i do know you go to hell for killing oneself.. but its gotten so bad i almost dont care. My mom overtakes her drugs.. and sleeps on the floor... my brother does drugs also.. and my dad has alot of mental break-downs. My ex-boyfriend recently.. made me take of my clothes.. and....

Sometimes for no reason i cut.. I just want to end the pain. I'm sorry.. if i'm acting like i'm feeling sorry for myself.. but i dont know what to.. i'm so affraid i might kill myself tonight..

Please pray for me....

I'm really sorry to hear all the things you've had to deal with. That's more than anyone can digest.

If it helps you to hear it, the problem with suicide is that you can't wake up in the morning without pain, because you won't be alive. I know you know that, but sometimes it makes you pause to hear it.

A lot of people do cut to release anguish, because it gives you a new pain to focus on. It can be very dangerous if you cut the wrong thing, though.

I will pray for you, knowing it won't make things better overnight. Can you give us an update tomorrow on how you're doing?

*sighs* i'll do that..

Just now is a example of how depressed i get, i just looked through these threads and saw theres a topic just like this and now i'm bashing myself like crazy for being so stupid... now for about a hour i'm going to do this...-_- is..there a way to delete this? I hate being .. so stupid.

You're not stupid for feeling depressed to the point where you'd do yourself harm. Suicide is something I've struggled with as well.

I'm going to leave the thread as is, because I'd like you to post on it tomorrow, just to make sure you're still okay. After that, if you want it removed, I'll take it down. Fair?

I'll pray for you, AngelDragon. I hope everything turn out right for you.

Wow, there's no need to delete this thread! We all want to know what's going on so we can pray for you! No problem is too big or too small, or too-- anything!

I'm so sorry to hear what's going on with you. I can't imagine how much that particular burden must hurt. Just let me say that in any circle, there are people who love you and would miss you terribly if that were gone. I know that's not great consolation, but it's just something to consider. Also, I just wanted to say that God made your life for a purpose. Even when our lives seem "Hellish" and beyond what we think we can take, there is a reason for you. You are special and you are so incredibly loved by God and your Christian brother and sisters here on CAA!

I'm so happy to hear that you have just come to Christ! I would encourage you to bring these thoughts and fear to God and tell him to handle them. That's the only thing I can do when my situations seem too dark to get through.

I will be praying for you!

I am praying for you AngelDragon. You are not the only person who has ever dealt with this. Be strong and know that despite how bad things might seem in this life...Jesus does care about you, and so do the members here at CAA. I know how hard it can be dealing with thoughts of suicide...but understand...there are people who care about you. I hope you can find some solace here on the boards...as there are many who have faced what your facing. But realise this. Your life is so important that Jesus died on a cross for you. If you were the only person in the world ever born...He still would have died for you. An ex-girlfriend of mine struggled with cutting herself. All I can say is...as your brother in Christ...I know I care about you...Everyone here cares about you...so please try to fight the urge to hurt yourself. For what its worth I will really be praying for you.

Wow, I know I've undergone at least *one* of those problems. I hate to see you go undergo such torture for the mistakes other people are making -- so don't hurt or blame yourself. It's hard to understand why all this happens sometimes (believe me, I know) especially for someone at such a vulnerable age...but if it helps to talk or vent, you can PM me, or just get ahold of someone you both trust and can give you good advice. Believe me, it helps to get it off your back, and no one here thinks you're stupid or immature for talking about your problems.

i will most definately pray for you. When everyone else in this world turns you down, still know that Jesus is there for you, and he loves you! really does! he does not want you to kill yourself. Even though we are going to literally hell in our lives, we still must persevere!

"2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance"

-James 1:2-3


"28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

-Matthew 11:28-30

I will pray for you. My sincerest hopes that you will learn to work out your problems. The physical pain may seem much easier to deal with than the emotional ones, but it's not the answer. It may solve the problem for a moment, but you will end up hurting yourself either way. Please think about it and pray, the Lord is always watching over you. Taking life is not the answer, even your own. Just remember, when it seems that the world has rejected you, Christ has always opened his door to you. For all of us, I hope you will be able to cope with your problems. Remember, when all doors are closed, God will always open the window.

Look, Satin puts these thoughts into our head because he wants to win, and he wants to claim you, but you can't let him, you haft to fight it, pray and pray, read the Bible, go some where to find help, don't give up on your self, because God hasen't given up on you, your hear for a reason, don't give up,

JEREMIAH 31:3-4

I have loved you with an everlastring love; I have drawen you with loving kindness. I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt...go out and dance with the joyful.

Sorry you feel this way. I've known a few friends in the past that inflicted self pain... It's scary sometimes. I can somewhat relate to you in the sense of my family.
My mom, father, older brother, aunts, uncles all smoke pot. Me and my twin are the only ones who don't. It sometimes frustrates me to no end. I mean, they are nice people, but why do they have to be doing that? Anyways, no matter how bad live looks let me assure you there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
All of middle school and highschool I was depressed. I had a auto-immune thing where my immune system attacked my hair. I would only have about 40% left and all in random patches. People would tease me and joke about me being a cancer patient, stare and laugh behind my back. Sometimes steal my hat off my head to look and make jokes. A few times I got in a fist fight because I was teased so much. I'm just glad I was a good fighter.

Anyways, I spent my days really depressed, believing no one cared about me. I had friends, but I would make myself believe no really cared. I never contemplated suicide but i would wondered at times, what if I didn't exist... how would life be different? Did anyone in life really care if I was gone? I had a few people knock some sense into me. Many times if we fill our hearts with everything negative it's hard to see. Sometimes we may feel there is no hope but let me assure you, there is always hope for anyone willing to stay and fight. As long as you don't give up, satan looses. God really does care for you. I wish you wouldn't torture yourself like you do, no good can come from it. Being as young you are it's a shame you had to deal with all that and I'm sorry you did. But let me assure you, there are many people here at CAA who can relate to you. You are not alone and there a many people here at CAA who care deapley for you. Me included. Have you tried talking about it to someone you trust? Sometimes talking takes a lot of weight off our shoulders. We can't always let things like emotion build up for too long, because if we do, the only harm will come from it... exploding at anytime... We shouldn't have to live with anger and sadness in our hearts. If you can, please try talking to someone like a best friend or even someone from CAA.
I know if might not seem like a lot, but if you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to PM me. Because I do care for your well being, I really do. Or if you have Aol Instant messagener my Screen name is listed in my profile. Although I'm not the best with words or advice, I will try my darnest. I will pray for you. Just remember God cares for you and so do the people here at CAA. Sometimes many of use are dealt a pretty crappy hand, but sometime you have to take it as it comes. If you stay for the long fight, you can bluff yourself the win. What hand we get dealt doesn't determine who we are, it's how we handle them. Keep smiling even when things seem hopeless. It may sound hard or even stupid, but it really does help.
I will continue to pray for you. Just remember you're not alone.

You have my prayers.

Ech, to feel that way must be awful...everyone has their rough times though, so don't let it get to you...Keep praying and have faith that change will come.

*places arm(s) around AngelDragon*

Dear Lord God,

It's hard to tell others about your own personal problems, and i thank You for giving AngelDragon the courage to be able to publicly post hers, and for giving her the trust in complete strangers to talk about this.

it's even harder for most people to take these sort of things seriously, because they think "Ya right, that doesn't happen in the 'real' world." unfortunately it does, and when we feel that we can't handle our problems, we do things that hurt ourselves, and others, especially You.

Even though this isn't the first time i've "tried" to help others with this sort of problem, it is never easy. but hopefully the posts from these people shall comfort AngelDragon, and You will be able to help her, and her family; with all their problems.

i'm glad that she has told us, i pray that You just put Your arms around her, make her feel secure, and comfort in You. You tell us that You will never give us anything we can not handle, and for that i for one am grateful; i pray that AngelDragon knows and accepts this too.



AngelDragon, never think that anything is impossible, because with God you can do anything, and with all my heart and soul i sincerly mean that. Gratefully you have already accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, so i don't need to press that urgency upon you; but i must press the matter that we are never truely happy until we put all of our problems in His hands. until we do, we shall always be troubled. Here's a song that really speaks to both Sora and I.

Casting Crowns: "Who I Am"

Who am I, that hte Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, That the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart.

Not Because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours.

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again?
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me?

Not Because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours.

I am Yourse
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall i fear
'Cause I am Yours
I AM YOURS

you know i'm praying for you ^_^d

AngelDragon, I will lift you up in prayer, and remember that all this is only a passing thing, Jesus says Christians will be persecuted, but God also says he is with you, and will not test you beyond your limits.

1 Kings 8:57 wrote:The LORD our God be with us, as he was with our fathers: let him not leave us, nor forsake us.

I'll be praying for you too.

Still there, AngelDragon?

I'll pray.

*nods*.. its amazing how caring everyone is here. I've never gotten so many IMs in my life it realy ment something to me. Now i have around 5 friends, and it used to be i never ever had any. I'm realy glad i posted this... i think i can work out all my problems if i have some help from friends. i know i'll still have urges to cut, and i may do that once in a while for habit... but i'll try to stop.

Glad to hear that!

i'm so glad to hear this angeldragon! i was really praying for you. don't worry things will work out. i know they will....don't ask how i know, i just do. life for you will get better. it will. i'm always here for you. i'm just a click away.

That's good to hear, Angel Dragon! Praise God. I'll be praying for you still, and as others have said, remember that some of us have had similar feelings -- including myself. But it's wonderful to hear that you have friends that you feel like you can count on. I'll be praying.

Soon you'll have 6, i'm just waitin for you to get on.

Its a blessing that you've opened up to us, and an even greater blessing that so many have rushed to your side to aid you. i can only pray that that will happen to me. I pray that stay strong.

I pray, Lord, that you would protect, establish and strengthen my sister here in the faith. Jesus, I thank you that you are here for all of us any time that we need You and especially in the times that we need you the most, even though You seem far away at times. I pray that You would reveal Yourself to our sister here and even to all of us. I thank You that You love us so much.

Yes, I'm glad to hear that you made it through.

AngelDragon wrote: i know i'll still have urges to cut, and i may do that once in a while for habit... but i'll try to stop.

I've never been a cutter, and I get those urges sometimes... *hug* I'll keep praying. God bless you.

I'm hope you're feeling better. Just remember that God loves you and he has a plan for your life. Things may look bleak at the moment. But god will help you through it. As for your urges, pray about them. You'll be in my prayers.