But I'm also dealing with alot of life confusion and a bit of depression and yeah....while I may talk God's ear off, I never find answers and I never hear. For all I know, He could care less. Part of me knows He cares, and part of me doesn't believe at all. This is confusing probably.
Many people face depression everyday. I fought it for years until I realized that I didn't have to go through depression. In middle school I started to loose my hair due to Alopecia-- immune system would attack my hair follicles. Then it would grow back and then more would fall out. THis continued until recently. All my life everyone would joke about me having cancer, laughing behind my back and stare. That made me very self conscious and depressed. I would use that negative energy to feed myself more negative. It's just a circle. Then one day my friend spoke to me bluntly, "Dude, I'm sorry you had to go through that but it was the past. Sure it sucks, but people don't like to be around negative people, they make things not worth doing. It really ruins the atmosphere." ANd he was right.
Perhaps your not getting the anwsers from prayers because your not asking the right questions. And trust me, God can/will say no. Just because we ask for it doesn't mean we will get it. I've asked a million things I've never recieved. God knows what's best for us. I've prayed for many things in the past that I knew I didn't need, and I'm glad Jesus said "No." I've prayed for a girl friend many times and have yet to see one. But you know what, I don't want just any girl off the street who is a Satanic drug user. I want one that is most compatible with me, not "I need one now." And God knows that. When the time is right he'll give you what you need. Question: How are your prayers structured?
Matthew 6:9-15
“This, then, is how you should pray: ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
How many times we pray or the length isn't what matters, it's the content....
Matthew 6:7-8
"And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him."
Jesus gave us a perfect outline on how we should pray. Not only for ourselves but for everyone around us: family, friends, enemy, debtors etc. Like Jesus has stated, unless you can forgive the people who sin against you, the Father will not forgive your sins, the same could also apply to all aspects of life. Jesus doesn't want us to be caught up on ourselves, we need to be praying for others. I'm not saying it's bad to pray for yourself, but you need to pray for others as well. . He cares for everyone equally. I've found when you pray for others it really helps depression. It gets the main focus off yourself. When Jesus was on earth He served an example, he cleaned other's feet and did what he could to help serve one another.
But let me assure you that Jesus does care for you. But keep in mind, God does have the right to say no. ANd to say to God, "give me this, or show me that or I won't believe you," is not fair to God. Has anyone ever asked you to do something you knew wasn't right? It's kind of like the same situation.
Sometimes, I even forget my own advice. But everytime I loose sight of it, God has always helped me get back on track through a number of ways: friends, the bible and most often the members of CAA. They can be bluntly hard and honest at times, but sometimes we need that. THe members here really do care about you as well as God. But you must also be fair to God. So please don't take this the wrong way...
I hope you start feeling better soon. I will continue to pray for you. Keep smiling
Edit: Be patience with the Lord, he will provide you with what you need.
Ecclesiastes 7:8
The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.