CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

I'm afraid...I'm completely lost. I don't know what to do. I try to develop passion for God, but nothing is working. I think it may have something to do with my addiction for the internet (which I know is something I have to work on) but I have no idea how close I am to God. All around me (I go to a Christian school) all my friends are like all passionate and everything about it. WHenever there's apparently an "emotional and God-filled" moment, and everybody else is in tears, I'm like "Meh". I know, I sound like a bad person...My mind hasn't been clear...Oh and another big issue is with my heart, I have no idea what's going on with it. One of those big passionate moments was today, once again I didn't feel anything, I kept praying, BEGGING God to awaken my heart...to let it come back to life from its dormant state...It only seemed deader..I have no idea how to fall in love with Him. I ask people, all they can say is like "Oh you just need to spend time with Him." ANd I'm like "I've tried that already! Nothing works!" Oh! And another big issue is when people tell me "Oh you just need to listen for God and follow Him" And I'm like...."Uhhh...I don't hear anything." How are you supposed to listen?

I'm sorry for the long-winded post...And I also apologize if this is in the wrong forum (as I'm new here), but I just really need some help.

First off, your not a bad person. Now....
I'm kind of the same way to a point. I went to church service with my brother and everyone one there was very centric (i think that's the right word). Anyways, everyone was crying, waving their hands up in the air and dancing. Well to me, i felt out of place. Not saying it was a bad church because it wasn't. I felt a strong presents fo the Lord. But I'm not the person who stands up in front of everyone and dance or fall to the ground. It's not me. That doesn't mean I love the Lord any less. Some people are more emotional and can show that side of them. Some aren't. If you don't feel comfortable that's fine, it's just how God made you. It takes a bit of time sometimes to let our "walls" break down-- the wall that keeps us from feeling emotion. At times I have difficulity showing my emotions, but I have a different way I get close to God besides prayer. Here in Austin we have a place called Mt. Bonnell. Its a high place that looks over Lake Travis and the city. It's just beautiful. WHen I'm there, I think to myself, "wow, look what the Lord has created." It really helps me understand that the Lord is bigger than me or anyone. That he created all of "this." Kind of humbling.
But don't be discouraged b/c you don't feel like eveyone else does. I don't always feel that way either. Perhaps it's how I was brought up, don't know, but dont let that false intuition tell you that just because you feels that way, mean you don't believe in God. Everyone is different. Stay strong.

Edit: I remember hearing someone say this (not exact words):
"I always wanted to serve God with all my heart. But for some reason I never seemed to make any advance with my relationship with the Lord. Then one day I realized that I was too full of my own desires that the Lord couldn't mold me to what he wanted. Take a Pez-dispenser for example. I had to open my mouth and take each piece out one-by-one until I was completely empty-- of my own selfish desires. Empty to the point where God was finally able to fill me up again with everything he intended me be/do. Now I'm full again, but this time with the love of God. Sometimes 'we' just need to get over ourselves and let God mold us the way he intended to. Then, and only then can we really start that serve God the way we need too. Also then will the relationship be more fulfulling. Just empty yourself out and let God mold you."

-Not the best at explaining things in stories but I think the general point was there-

It may take sometime, but just take it day by day until God sees your ready to let him work inside of you. Keep praying as I will do the same.

I hope this helps.

I've been where you are. I'd say every person reaches that point sooner or later. The question is if they get over that bump or they let it be too big to be surmounted.

When you say an addiction to the internet, that may be an area of active and festering sin. Sin can hinder our communication with God. It can make a road block for his work. If you feel this internet thing is an area of rebellion from God's will-- I'd say that's probably God's number one enemy right now. I never feel close to God when I KNOW what I'm doing is wrong. Get yourself away from what is an area of uncontrolled behavior. When anything is controlling you, and not visa versa, you need to run away from is as fast as your legs can carry you.

Secondly, we are in a touchy feely God society. Alot of the modern day youth movement put heavy emphasis on the "feeling" of God. I'm not saying this is wrong, but I will say that it's caused at of yound people to be so discouraged that they turned their backs and never looked back. Many times, our relationship with God isn't about "feeling" it. Sometimes you don't feel it, and in those times, you just have to fall back into the reassurance that God is there. Think about it-- you think Job felt the warm fuzzy God feeling when he was covered in boils and his wife as saying "Curse God and die!!" Probably not. But did that mean God wasn't there? No. Once a very wise man told me "Alot of people set their faith on a fuzzy feelins rug, and sometimes God has to jerk the rug out from under them to show them that it can't be the 'rug' that they rely in." It has to be the assurance that God is there.

If you are daily in your Bible, you're on your way. My best course of action has just been to pray, "God , give me the relationship you want for me. Make me who you want me to be."

I hope maybe a sentence of all that mess helped. I'll be praying for you. There is hope.

Y'all make sense, but I still have a few questions. Firstly, how am I to get over myself? I know I'm self-centered with many things..Trying to solve my own problems, and I know it's wrong...but my mind just says "meh" and just ignores it. Oh and what am I to do without the internet? I've been well "hooked" on it for a while now...And I will admit I have gotten hooked on some bad things on the internet (not proud of it) But the only reason I'm on it so often is I feel I have nothing else to do. >.<

EDIT: OH and also something I've been wondering. People say to "read the Bible and spend time in the Word" and all that. Does that mean I can just read any book I want and get the same out of it?

How to get over yourself?
Well that is a toughy....
hmm... Well I gues first you need to realize that there is a big world out there that isn't fair. Trying to help one another may be a good way to start. I'm not saying you have to go out give money to poor or do a mass conversion. But it may be beneficial to step out of the box and help others. Realize that there are people in this world that really need the help. When you help others, something inside of you opens up inside. Help comfort people, help serve people (help people who are less fortunate than you) whatever. But if you feel guilty about giving money, time, service etc then don't. God doesn't want people to help because they feel obliagated to do so, Kant (a old philosopher) would say, we need to do things out of duty, not out of Inclination (doing it out of guilty or for fulfilment) but because it's the right thing to do. Try helping others besides yourself, it really does make a difference on how we view the world and ourselves.
(also refer to my prayer section towards the bottom, that may also help anwser your question about how to become less self-centered.)

Second: about the internet.
Well, get a hobby... I hate to be blunt but go out and see what the world has to offer. Sitting in front of the computer screen all day isn't living. Go out and be active, do arts, do whatever. Expand yourself. I remember being addicted to the internet long ago too, when I decided to give it up a bit, It was hard. But after a few days, it really wasn't that bad.

Thridly: REading the bible
No, you don't have to necessarily pick up the book and start reading for hours. No. If you go into it with that mindset then you will not get anything out of it. You need to step back, analyze yourself and do what you think is right. I would suggest, flip to any book and read one chapter with an open mind. Good books I would suggest are Matthew, Romans or Psalms (a great inspirational book) and just read one chapter. God isn't going to force you to do what you don't want. We were created with a free will, we can either do so or not. Just take it step by step, there is no need to read one book per day. We wouldn't be able to concentrate and reflect on what we have just read. You don't have to read the bible front to back to be a good christian. But reading bits and pieces may help allow God to help mold you. Or perhaps try talking to a pastor or someone from a youth group. They may be able to relate to you. He can only help if your willing to let him. Heck, just talking about God or praying to God out of sincerity helps a lot. You don't have to read, but just in involved.

Who do you think God would rather help:
(I know God wants to help everyone, this is just an example)

Example1 : Someone =prays everyday asking God to help them stop drugs. Yet he just does it everyday carelessly and w/o second thought in expectatations God will intervene and help. They may pray everyday, but unless they actually put the effort in, God may not help. It's just someone praying everything for something they wont put forth effort.

Example 2: Someone prays everyday to help fight their porn addiction. This person tries his hardest to fight temptation. He prays for comfort and gives it his all. He is showing a GOd the willingness and sincerity to change.

The same may apply to you. I dont know you so excuse my assumptions. If you do indeed pray everyday, do you really try to make an attempt to change yourself or are you just praying just to pray w/ hopes of works being done? Also, don't only pray for yourself but for others. Gods gives us an outline on how to pray.

Matthew 6:9-14
“ ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

See, you pray for yourself, our enemies, our friends etc. We are also to forgive our enemies, friends, debts etc.... Prayer isn't only about you and your personal needs but for everyone. By praying for everyone, your not focusuing primarily on yourself. You become less concerned about "you," and start caring for the people around you.



Like I said before, God is not going to force you to do anything, but he can only work with you if you are willing to let him. BUt like I said, a good starting point is to start praying for people other than yourself. Hope this may anwser your question, if not, sorry.

Edit: Sorry for the unorderly structure of this outline. And my apologies to the mods for the massive string of edits

M'kay, I'm gonna try all this...I gotta break awaayy..I think I'ma become a regular here though. Thank you everyone from your help. If anything changes, I'll be sure to keep you updated...Hopefully it changes for the better.

Yes, please do keep us updated.

And like Agafas said, I don't suggest just opening your Bible and reading random passages. Start in a book in the new testament (easier to read and draw applications from) Read a chapter a day or something.

Agafas was right now about a hobby. Find something you like to do: draw, write, build doll houses:lol:. Just find something that you can fill your time with. Remember, an idle mind is the Devil's workshop.

We'll all be praying.

I do believe that agasfas and Mangafanatic have everything covered here, so I'll just say that I also tend to be somewhat "unemotional" during those moments. I've always seen it like this: (and this actually reflects a lot of what agasfas has said) Some of us are quiet Christians, some of us are scholarly Christians, some of us are outgoing, outwardly worshipping Christians, but we're all different, and that's what God wants. If we were all the same, we couldn't really consider Him creative, but look at the personality He puts into each of us! He made each of us unique, and we need to seek what He wants out of us within the way that He created each one of us!

Remember Psalm 139:14: "I will praise Thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made...."

Listen to these other members' advice, hang in there (I know, that's cliched), and I'm praying.

Oh, and welcome aboard to the CAA!

DarkAxz wrote:Y'all make sense, but I still have a few questions. Firstly, how am I to get over myself? I know I'm self-centered with many things..Trying to solve my own problems, and I know it's wrong...but my mind just says "meh" and just ignores it. Oh and what am I to do without the internet? I've been well "hooked" on it for a while now...And I will admit I have gotten hooked on some bad things on the internet (not proud of it) But the only reason I'm on it so often is I feel I have nothing else to do. >.<

We are all self-centered in many things, after all, you need to take care of yourself. The trick here is to take it one step at a time. You won't go from self-centered to God-centered over night.

How do you get over yourself? Start by examining yourself even more. The things you do and say - how do they effect the people around you? Do you encourage others when you talk to them? If not, why not? What can you say differently to change that?

What I'm talking about here is changing your basic nature. That's no easy task, but it is possible. Struggle to place others first - even (and especially) total strangers. The trick to do this is in the small things. Let the idiot in the car in front of you merge into your lane. Allow people to enter buildings and get in line ahead of you. Give up the last slice of pizza or the last piece of cake. You get the point. You may struggle at first (I did - still do sometimes), but if you keep it up, it will become part of your nature.

If you already do these kinds of things, then selfishness is probably not your problem.

And, just to echo what agasfas said - not all of us are emotional. I am certainly not. I occasionally will be moved by an event or a movie, but only if I am in the right frame of mind to begin with - and that isn't often. It isn't wrong or bad, it's just the way I am. I think it's cool when someone is moved that way, but I don't mind that I'm not. Because I don't burst into tears doesn't mean that I have no emotion or I don't care.

all I'm gonna say is...the first thing God ever told me, five minutes after I got saved, was that it isn't about emotion. true, some people are moved to tears and stuff, but just because you're not doesn't mean you're not saved or are a bad Christian.

I think everyone else has covered it well enough already. I'll just add my name to the list of Christians who generally worship in a quiet, reserved fashion. Not that I never get emotional, I sometimes do, but generally I worship in a quiet way. And that's okay! God created each of us to be unique, we all worship Him in our own unique way! And the Spirit tells me God enjoys that.

I will pray.