My Mother

[Sheenar]

Sorry I haven't been on for like, 2 years, but I am a college student and life gets busy at times. I'll try to be better at coming online at least to say hi.

Please pray for me. I am in a difficult situation.

You see, I was physically and verbally abused by my mother. Though the Lord has rescued me from further physical abuse (she stopped when I became a Christian at 13), my mother is still verbally abusive and very emotionally distant/unsupportive. It's hard, because I have cerebral palsy and Asperger Syndrome and really need a support system at home. But I don't have one. I dread going home (this summer was terrible --she wouldn't let me get a job, so I just sat at home all summer and she would just stay on the computer when she was home and ignore me.) I just don't feel safe there. I'm afraid the whole time --afraid she'll get mad and start hitting me again.
I'm still struggling with some bitter feelings. I know God has a plan and that He can definitely use the abuse so that I can help someone else through the same thing later. It's just difficult not to feel bitter that I went through all that and no one did anything about it. Not the teachers, not my other relatives, no one. And I can't get away. When the dorms close for the holidays, I have to go back home --I don't have anywhere else to stay.
I don't hate my mother anymore. God has enabled me to get past those feelings. I pray for her to find Christ. But still, I don't want to be there and keep getting manipulated and told all these lies from Satan (through the mouth of my mother). A Spiritual Disciplines teacher from a conference I went to agreed that I need to put some distance between my mother and I so I can get on with the healing process and focus on growing in my walk with Christ.

Please pray for this situation. I'm not sure what to do. I'm afraid to go home for the holidays. I don't want to be there.
I also have a strong desire to do missions. Of course, my mother does not support it. She doesn't support most of what I do --she was against me getting my service dog Pebbles and she's against me seeing my other relatives for the holidays. It just frustrates me. She wants me to stay home and not visit my aunts, cousins, and uncles but if I do stay home, she doesn't spend any time with me --she just sits at the computer and I get ignored.
I just want to sever ties with her. Not let her manipulate and imprison me anymore. I will still pray for God to draw her to Himself. But I don't want to put myself back in a bad situation.

Again, please pray for wisdom for this situation and for my mom's salvation. Also pray that I would find somewhere else to stay if possible.

Thank you!

--Sheenar

[Okami]

Will be praying....wow, that must be tough to deal with. I'm going to lift your mom up for salvation, that she'd become less abusive, and things can either get better and reconnect, or that ties could be severed. Whichever comes by His will...

Just stay strong in the meantime, sis, it's in the Lord's hands, under His control. He'll get it all unscrambled in the end!


As a fellow member with CP, I understand how difficult certain situations are. But in a way, Cerebral Palsy is a really weird blessing. How bad is yours, if you don't mind me asking?

[Sheenar]

My CP is moderate. I require the assistance of my service dog Pebbles to keep my balance when I walk and to pick things off the ground for me. But we still get around pretty well --we walk all over the place (our campus has a lot of hills, so we have some pretty sweet calf/hamstring muscles! (^: )

This is a pic of my Pebbles! She is such a blessing from the Lord! She not only helps me with balance, etc., she also helps me feel less anxious in stressful situations (something familiar) and she is great company when I feel lonely! I love her!

[K. Ayato]

That dog looks so sweet!

Anyway, I'll be praying. I know from experience how tough it is to maintain a relationship between family members (even extended ones) when the two of you don't see eye to eye. I'll be praying that at the very least you and your mom come to an understanding.

[Okami]

My CP is moderate. I require the assistance of my service dog Pebbles to keep my balance when I walk and to pick things off the ground for me. But we still get around pretty well --we walk all over the place (our campus has a lot of hills, so we have some pretty sweet calf/hamstring muscles! (^: )

This is a pic of my Pebbles! She is such a blessing from the Lord! She not only helps me with balance, etc., she also helps me feel less anxious in stressful situations (something familiar) and she is great company when I feel lonely! I love her!

Ah, sounds a bit worse than my own...mine only affects my right arm/leg (and eye, so they say, but my right eye is my better one!) and my balance is teeter-totter-y, so I totally understand that. I've got to use an AFO on my leg to keep balance, but having a dog would be more fun! 8U
(I nearly said 'funner' haha)

Animals have a tendancy to do that...on one of my darkest days in my depression slump, my cat, Mitsi, came and slept in my lap with a slight purr all afternoon and into the evening. They really can sense when we need them most
Pebbles sounds like such a sweet pup! How old is she?

Still praying,
~ Okami

[Sheenar]

Pebbles is 4 years old. She'll be 5 in January. She's a Yellow Labrador Retriever. Another thing she does if I'm in a sad mood: she'll just act completely goofy and make me laugh--it takes my mind off whatever I was dwelling on. Because of this, her nickname is Goober ('cause she is one! )

[Okami]

Aww. She sounds like such a sweet girl. You'll have to give her some extra Okami-lovin' for me, lol

[Blitzkrieg1701]

I'll be praying for the both of you

[ranma8]

I'll be praying for you.

[Sheenar]

Thank you everyone for praying. I am currently praying about applying through IWitness Ministries to go to Japan this summer. I need to talk to my mom about it. I'm nervous. She isn't usually very supportive of me in general. She was against me getting Pebbles. Please pray for the situation --pray that if it's God's will for me to apply, for me to go that Mom will be ok with it.

Thank you!

[Blitzkrieg1701]

Hey, what do you know? I've been praying over getting involved with missions work in Japan myself! Guess I'll start praying for the both of us

[Yokuo]

Sheenar, we seem to have been on at the same time. You see, I was gone for two years until a few days ago, so I can't help but find you very familiar. I do believe I've spoken to you on here before. And I too am a busy college student, so I know where you're coming from.

Anyway, on to the main topic, I will most definitely be praying for you in your situation. I'm so sorry to hear your story, but remember God can work in many different ways. Maybe, instead of severing ties with your Mom, you need to witness to her and show her exactly who Christ is, so through Him, she too can become a believer. Keep your head held high, and keep trusting in God. With God, all things are possible. Remember that, because that's the best thing we have going for us... God. When God is for us, who can be against us?

I'll be praying for your situation, that He will have His hand in all things involving it, and that you will trust in Him with your whole heart, and that someday your mom will too be saved.

Good luck.

[Sheenar]

Well, I appreciate everyone's prayers --it really means a lot to have your support.
Please keep praying. I'm about to make a very difficult choice. I don't want to, but I believe it is the right thing to do. I'm going to sever ties with my mom.

Our relationship is so unhealthy. She's still verbally abusive and is very controlling/manipulative. I get depressed being anywhere near her b/c of the way she treats me.
I feel that I need to sever ties with her (even though I have forgiven her and don't hate her anymore) so I can finally get on with the healing process. (My mother physically abused me as a child and still uses verbal abuse.) I'm afraid of her --she still has such a hold on my life --I need to break away so I can mend. I do so much better mentally and spiritually being away from her --I am able to better focus on God and my wounds begin to heal. I prayed about this and feel this is the right thing to do.

I'm going to buy a new cell phone, get my own plan, and mail my phone back to her (along with a letter). I'm going to block her emails, etc. I just need to cut the ties --I need to be away from her to heal.

I'll still pray for her --and I'm not saying I don't care about her --I do very much. I just can't be around her --she brings me down --it's a vicious cycle. (Read up on abuser/survivor relationships and you will begin to get an idea of the power an abuser has over the person they abuse.)

I may reopen communication with her years on ---maybe God will use this to get her attention...

Please pray! This is probably the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life. It's come down to either staying under my mom's stranglehold and never really heal or cut all communication (breaking the tie with my abuser) so I can finally heal and so I can more fully love her, see God's love for me, and live life.

[Sheenar]

Also, I'm worried about where I will go during the holidays when the dorms close. I might possibly be able to pay the break fees (not likely). I hope my aunt will let me stay with her.

I'm hoping to be able to find an apartment and roommates for after the dorms close in May. My internship isn't until October --so hopefully I can find somewhere to stay until then.

Pray that I will trust God in this. Since this decision is for the best, He'll provide a way. I worry WAY too much...

[Yokuo]

If you truly feel this is the right thing to do, and you're positive this is a God-sent message, then I will be praying for you, and that you'll have success in your healing process.

God bless, Sheenar.

[Kamille]

I'm praying for you. Absolutely.

[SP1]

This might not apply to your case, but during the summer at my college, the fraternities would rent out rooms really cheap. You had to take turns cleaning up the common areas, as a part of the deal, but that was easy. Basically, most of their members take off for summer break and the frat house loses income, so they are kind of desperate for boarders. You didn't have to be a member.

One note however, if you room at a fraternity where there is a lot of alcohol and "adult oriented" literature or DVDs around, be sure you remember who you are so as not to be overly tempted.

[Blitzkrieg1701]

I'm still praying for you in all these things, too.

[Sheenar]

I am currently in the process of trying to find a second job nearby (I have no car, so within walking distance) to come up with some more money to make ends meet. I'll just have to depend on God. I know He won't let me starve or go without a roof over my head. I just have to trust!

[K. Ayato]

Amen, sista! Keep on trusting!

[Sheenar]

I just finished writing the letter I'm going to send to my Mom. Would you guys mind reading it over for me? I'm not sure if I worded everything right. I want to make sure I come across the right way --I want to be truthful, but loving.

"Mom,

There is a reason I haven’t been answering the phone when you call. I need some time away from you so I can heal mentally and emotionally.

Know that I do love you. But still, you have hurt me very badly. You have been verbally and physically abusive. And manipulative. Our relationship is very unhealthy. I need to break away, break ties with you.

I’m not doing this because I hate you. I don’t. I’m doing this so I can finally heal and be whole. I encourage you to find healing also. You have a lot of hurt inside too. We’ve both had messed up childhoods. I am taking the steps I need to heal from mine. Take the steps you need to heal from yours. See a counselor. See one before you push everyone in your life away. You don’t have to hold on to the bitterness in you. You can be free. Look to God. He can and will help you to be free.

I love you Mom. I wish you well. I pray that you let God heal you. He’s listening and waiting for you to come to Him. Let him bind your wounds.

Goodbye, Mom.

Sheena

P.S. Enclosed is my phone. Take it and sell it. Use the money however you wish."

Let me know what you guys think and any suggestions you may have to make my point hit home better and to be more effective.

[K. Ayato]

So far, you've got your points across. However, I think it'd be a good thing to add a few sentences assuring her that you're not leaving her forever. Something along the lines of "Mom, I love you, but right now I need some time away from you so that both of us can start to heal. Understand that this may take a very long time, but I assure you it's not permanent. You're still my mom, and I'm still your daughter. Nothing can change that. Right now, I just need some distance from you."

Might want to add that even though you won't be keeping in touch, you still think about her and pray.

[Sheenar]

How's this?

"Mom,

There is a reason I haven’t been answering the phone when you call. I need some time away from you so I can heal mentally and emotionally.

Know that I do love you. But still, you have hurt me very badly. You have been verbally and physically abusive. And manipulative. Our relationship is very unhealthy. I need to break away, break ties with you.

Mom, I love you, but right now I need some time away from you so that both of us can start to heal. Understand that this may take a very long time, but I assure you it's not permanent. You're still my mom, and I'm still your daughter. Nothing can change that. Right now, I just need some distance from you.


I’m not doing this because I hate you. I don’t. I’m doing this so I can finally heal and be whole. I encourage you to find healing also. You have a lot of hurt inside too. We’ve both had messed up childhoods. I am taking the steps I need to heal from mine. Take the steps you need to heal from yours. See a counselor. See one before you push everyone in your life away. You don’t have to hold on to the bitterness in you. You can be free. Look to God. He can and will help you to be free.

I love you Mom. I wish you well. Even though I won’t be talking with you, I will still think of you and pray for you. I pray that you let God heal you. He’s listening and waiting for you to come to Him. Let Him bind your wounds.

Goodbye, Mom.

Sheena

P.S. Enclosed is my phone. Take it and sell it. Use the money however you wish"

[K. Ayato]

Much better

[Yokuo]

Yeah, it sounds good to me. I hope all works out for the best. Keep updating us please!

[Sheenar]

Thank you all for your prayers! Please keep praying!

Tomorrow (Sat.), I am going to my mom's house (while she's at work) to get my winter clothes and passport (and whatever else I find...). I'm going to leave the letter and my old phone there on my way out. Pray for her heart to be softened and that God will use my letter and this situation to draw her to Himself. Pray that she will finally be free.

Oh! And I have some exciting news!! I finally found (with the help of the kind staff at http://www.christianbook.com) a Bible study for survivors of child abuse.

http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?item_no=67034&netp_id=231300&event=ESRCN&item_code=WW
I ordered the book and workbook.
I'm so excited to begin the study! It should be here in a week or two! Yay!:grin:

Well, I'm off to bed. This has been a very emotionally draining week. But it is a step in the right direction. Please pray that my body gets good rest tonight.

God is good!!

[Sheenar]

Oh, the book is called "Lord, I Want to Be Whole" by Stormie Omartian

[Yokuo]

My prayers are with you, as always. Just keep trusting in Him!

[Sheenar]

Well, I went to my mom's house today and got what I needed of my things. I got my winter clothes, some books, and whatever else I had that was sentimental.
One of the main reasons I came to get things was because I wanted to get my passport. We looked under the bed (you have to take the drawers out to get under it) for about an hour. We were getting kind of frustrated. I stood up, and guess what?...my passport is sitting on my dresser. It was there...the...whole...time. But I'm just glad that I was able to find it.

I left the letter I wrote to Mom and my old phone. She probably got off work an hour ago. I wonder how she reacted... I just pray God opens her eyes and her heart to Him. We've both had pretty awful childhoods, so she needs His healing just as much as I do.

It felt really weird to leave the house possibly for the last time. Not that I've had many happy memories there (I haven't), but still, it was bittersweet. It's just an odd sensation that I am finally getting out of such a bad and harmful situation.

Thank you all for your prayers. I really appreciate them...I really do.

[K. Ayato]

You're welcome. I hope everything smooths out eventually.