I'm a week into 2nd Year Design and I am having so many doubts, I don't believe that I can handle this, or that I'm cut out for the program. I'm not even sure of my odds of getting a career in the field, if I can survive college.
I spent all day today trying to produce a concept for an abstract composition that evokes a machine and I still haven't found one that even looks remotely mediocre, and we were supposed to be painting the project this afternoon. I'll probably be up all night trying to produce an okay concept in the hopes that I can sucessfully run it by one of the teachers tomorrow. The execution of the machine project is supposed to take 15 hours, and that's in addition to an accurate skeletal anatomy chart, a letterform analysis and duplication, Art History reading, and a perspective composition that I'm doing for my other classes.
I am totally on the brink of a panic attack. I am feeling tremendously socially isolated, and my teachers keep treating me like a non-entity (they rarely offer any advice or encouragement), and I'm reeling from sleep-depravation. Plus I get pretty disconcerted whenever I present my work and everyone just stares at it blankly. I know I'm mentally exagerating the reaction, but it always seems like the other pieces cause discussions, while mine are sorta..'blah', and cue the chirping crickets. I guess it could be worse, they could get ripped apart verbally, or literally, but I'm dreading that that'll happen eventually.
I've pretty much been on the verge of tears since 2:00 this afternoon. And if I want to have any hope of getting all of my homework done, I'll probably have to work every waking hour this weekend, the prospect of which really makes me want to go curl up in the fetal position and mentally shut down for a few hours.
I would really, really appreciate prayer right now.