Burnt Out. Unmotivated.

[Debitt]

I'm feeling very burnt out right now. Not spiritually, really, because I'm actually feeling stronger in my faith than ever before. But I feel very down with everything else in life. School is terrible right now. I'm stressed out, I'm blowing off assignments, procrastinating. I haven't done my homework for my science class in months, and my work for my math class is quickly going down that same route. I don't feel motivated. I don't see why I'm putting myself through all this stress. I don't see a reason to keep working hard, because I know my parents just EXPECT me to achieve good grades. I don't have an incentive to work towards. My so called "motivation", as dictated to me by my parents is "because that's what you should be doing." I don't have so much as a "good job" waiting for me at the end of the school year. I just feel sick and lazy and unwilling.

Nothing interests me anymore. Not even things I used to take joy in, like my photography or my writing or my art. Nothing's flowing anymore. It's been almost 6 months since I've written anything of substance. It's all blank. I can't do anything. I feel sometimes like God is punishing me for something I've done wrong by taking away the things that used to make me feel so happy and accomplished.

I'm bored where I'm living right now. I'm bored literally to tears. There's nothing to go and do. Nothing to see, nothing that would interest me and make me feel happy again. I want so badly to get out of here and go off on my own, but due to circumstances, that's more than a year away...and I just feel like I can't carry on for that long without any reprieve.

I've talked to my therapist about this, but the feelings just won't leave, and I have this feeling that nothing's going to get better unless I have someone praying for me...

._. So if it's no trouble, please say a prayer or two for me sometime.

[enishi]

ill be praying for you daisuke.
i hope your drive will be recindled and that you can finish this year strong, theres only a few months left, and then it'll be summer break! ^_^

[Golden_Griff]

I pray that we both can get over this speed bump Kokoro.

[Debitt]

I pray that we both can get over this speed bump Kokoro.

You and me both, Griff. We can do it. x__x; Just need some prayer. Definitely prayer.

[Mangafanatic]

I'm PMing you.

[Rogie]

I can relate to what you're feeling, and I'll pray for you.

[termyt]

Boredom is a state of mind, not a function of your existence.

Still with me? I know how you feel. You spend so much time wishing for something to do you never find anything. You'll find a way to motivate yourself, I'm sure. Just hang in there. Sometimes just buckling down and doing the things you should do, like it or not, helps you find what you were missing.

God is trying to teach you something here. What is it? What is He trying to say?
Not all things you have to do are fun or stimulating, but you need to grind through it anyway to get where He wants you to go?
Find a way to motivate yourself since you won't always have someone to provide a kick in the rear for you?
I don't really know the answer, but you'll figure it out. Take care.

[PrincessZelda]

I know how you feel... I will pray for you.

[the_lizardqueen]

I kinda know the burnt-out feeling and it is most definitely the pits. I'll be praying for you, that God will give you patience, and that you'll come through this and maybe even learn and grow in the process. God bless ^_^

[Debitt]

Thank-you everyone for the prayers. ._.

The condition of my school work...well, I'm doing it now (though some of the assignments are late now >.<), and it really isn't frustrating me much...but I'm still having trouble...x_x; ugh, I don't know. I've had three emotional breakdowns this past week, and I just crumbled to my knees and started crying. (once at school...) It's getting to the point where one little thing can set me off, and suddenly I become so critical of myself that in my head I don't do anything but make my condition worse.

I don't know how to stop it, and I wish my family wouldn't yell at me while I'm crying, because it really doesn't make the situation much better. Sometimes I feel like they really don't empathize with what I'm feeling. I mean, I love them all, but when someone comes into your room while you're crying and feeling like utter crap and proceeds to yell at you and tell you "that's not the attitude that's going to get you into a good college" it just hurts. ._.

I try calling out to God, and sometimes it helps me, and sometimes I feel someone telling me to stay strong and not let this all ruin my life and my spiritual life. I know He knows what's wrong, and I know He's going to help me through it...but I just wish someone else understood so I wouldn't have to put up with stress from all sides of me when I'm at home.

So, uhm...please keep praying for me if it's no trouble.

And another thing...I went to a Christian middle school, and I remember clearly in one of my classes (Bible or science, I don't know anymore), one of our text books said something along the lines of "there's no such thing as mental illnesses," and that in the end it all boils down to the sin in your life and your unwillingness to walk with God...or something to that effect. Which is why I've been very adamant against being put on any sort of medication, because I had it in my head that medication wouldn't help rid my life of sin. But...I don't know, I'm beginning to wonder if this is true. Are you any less of a Christian if you're diagnosed with depression or any other mental disorder? Does being on a medication mean that your walk with God isn't as steady as a the walk of a person who's 100% healthy upstairs? ._.

[Mave]

Dear Kokoro,

I don't really know much about psychological illness although I doubt you have it since everyone has their share of the lowest and darkest times in their lives. I've had emotional breakdowns before and they come more often this year as I near my graduation time and change phases in life. But I'm pretty sure I'm just a normal person who has to endure difficulties in life just like anyone else.

Now, I've had the most awful things said to me before and I've cried, cried and cried my eyes out. I felt so worthless, useless and unmotivated. But I was reminded that God is in control, He loves me, He would never lead me to something I can't handle and I will remain in His love, no matter what happened (even if I dropped out from school, even if I failed my classes, even if my professors think I'm not qualified enough to be a grad student etc.). So IF God trusts me with this circumstance He has placed me in, I'm going to hang on and give my best! The most important thing is to never give up. God loves you and He'll carry you through. Keep walking, moving forward through the storms with His hand in yours!

God bless you, dear Kokoro. We know you're a talented and blessed daughter of God and we'll always support you in our words and prayers! *hugs*