Meep. x.x I really hate to bother you guys with my petty problems but...I really need a prayer request.
I have kept you guys updated with my faith problems lately, and for awhile I really thought I was ok. I thought I believed in God again but still...things haven't been the best. I swear...almost everyday I cry. I get this feeling in the pit of my heart that I don't believe and I cry because I'm scared of going to Hell. Sometimes I get so sad I can't even cry at all. Everynight I wish that this is all a horrible nightmare. I wish that when I wake up it'll be gone for good but...it never is.
I really can't stand this. My life is so sad anymore. My mom and dad feel so bad for me and try and help, but there's nothing that can really be said to cure this "disease" of mine. I try to pray to God everynight (and thus I feel bad because last night I fell asleep without doing so) but everytime I even pray...it's so hard.
I say what I feel and what I want but...sometimes it feels as if God isn't there...and the smallest bit of doubt will prevent any of that happening. I can sit on my knees to yell "Help me God! Please give me faith and strength!" but none of that will happen if I don't have faith...and that's my problem!!!
I'm so scared anymore. I want to cry even now and I can't. I just wish God would have never put me here...I want to believe. I really don't want to lose faith. I never want to lose faith.