A prayer for bitterness and trapped in a fantasy

[Yukio Masachita]

Hi.

I've always had hate issues, some of which are directed towards fictional characters. I know this sounds weird but thats how it is.

Early this year, I bought Dead or Alive 4 for my Xbox 360. Since then I've been reading all over the DoA wiki, reading the character profiles, especially that of Ayane.

This is going to be a long explanation so you'll have to read this over and over again (and even read the Dead or Alive wiki to make better sense of what I'm talking about).

Dead or Alive is a popular series of fighting games and part of its appeal comes from the female characters (and I won't go into further detail than that). One of the main characters, Ayane is a member of a secret clan of ninjas. But she was born when her mother, Ayame, was raped by a villain character named Raidou. Because of that, she was treated as an outcast. Her mother and her married husband, the leader of the ninja clan, ashamed of her birth, sent her away to the care of Genra, who is the leader of a sect of the clan.

Before she was born, Ayame and her husband Shiden, the leader of the ninja clan bore the other two main characters Kasumi and Hayate. So Ayane is their half-sister but she didn't know it at the time. She and Kasumi were best childhood friends until the mother told her the truth. Angry with her mistreatment and how Kasumi was treated better than she was, so she spent her life training to become one of the clan's best ninjas. But she has also grown bitter at Kasumi and acts cruel towards her, and even talks down on other people because of her mistreatment.

It made me sick that someone like her would be treated badly just because she wasn't born legitimately. I grew obsessed with my bitter feelings that I'd want Ayane to redirect her hatred towards her clan and family and take revenge. Other thoughts included "What does the clan think of Ayane now? Even if they respect her, are they sorry for mistreating her or do they see her as a ninja to use?"

Seeing the illness in their hearts, I'd never forgive them (and I wouldn't even serve them as ninja if I were her) whether they respect me or not. The DOA series is also known for weak storytelling anyway, so I have a feeling the upcoming DOA5 will never shed light on the clan's current attitude towards Ayane or even tie up any of those loose ends. I'd want a conclusion in her plot where either the clan repents of its discrimination fully heartedly or burns to the ground. And I know neither of them are gonna happen.

Hatred seems to go hand in hand with a longing for those wrong you to confess their errors and apologize. I doubt the DOA series will ever have a scene where that happens, going the way the producers want it and not the way I want it, which leaves my questions unanswered and my hate burning... and burning me alive.

If I were born dishonorably like Ayane, how could I ever forgive my peers if they don't repent of their sins? I've been reading this book "After the Heavy Rain" by Sokreaksa S. Himm who was a sole survivor in the Cambodia Killing field's and details his journey to meet his family's killers to forgive them, which urged me to write this prayer request. It was from this book that I learnt my emotional wounds will grow worse as long as I fail to forgive those who wrong me, but these people don't even exist and I'm stuck in a fictional world where God doesn't even exist. And so I even think how Ayane's wounds would fail to mend by the plot not addressing the clan's disgust of her.

So I ask for your prayers that I'll somehow let it all go (Even more difficult with my anticipation of DOA5) and learn to forgive.

For more information on the Dead or Alive series and its characters, check out this website:http://deadoralive.wikia.com/wiki/Dead_or_Alive_Wiki