Major reality check.

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Major reality check.

Postby Spector » Mon Sep 27, 2010 2:09 am

Wow. Where to begin. Ill try to keep this short. This just hurt me a lot.
Let me begin by saying I'm not a person that easily believes rumors. I don't fall for "Did you hear about so and so?". If I hear something, I look to see how trustworthy the source is, or even to the person in question, and go from there.
That being said...

Ive had my eye on this girl at work, whom Ive always seen as a very conservative girl. Ive seen how she acts and lives (and from what we've talked about), and she seemed to have a good head on her shoulders, unlike most girls Ive seen. Very mature for her age, if you will. Heck, from what Ive seen, she may even like me back..something that's never happened before. I was actually kinda giddy inside for once, haha.

Well, I have a friend who is very close to her, knows her better than I do, and he knows I like her.
We were just talking about HIS girl, and how things are going, etc, and I pried a little about THIS girl. Asked how she is..if she ever mentioned me, that kinda thing. Mainly thinking, non-private stuff. I trust this man. From the first few real conversations we had, hes admitted a few things about himself to me (without even asking), things that no sane person would tell someone they wouldn't trust. And seeing how close THEY are, I really have no reason to not believe him.

Being completely honest, he told me about some harmless funny quirks..and eventually some things I wasn't prepared to hear. Not to be malicious to her, but almost for my sake (cause he knew how much he liked her), he told me some things she does that no Christian person would do. Morally suicidal things.
Ive never known her to be how he described her..almost like we were talking about a different girl. I felt sick.
I kept running it over in my head. It doesn't add up. I know he wouldn't lie to me (and wish he was), but she doesn't seem like that kinda girl...but I know I'm naive and too hopeful.

And its not so much WHAT she did (will not give specifics). I have no problem forgiving her, cause everyone has a past, just like me...but if this is how she REALLY is NOW, it does not reflect Christ living in her, which is what I thought I saw. A different kind of girl with strong convictions. If this is true, then I feel like my emotions have been toyed with. Again.
If I ask her about this, wether its true or not, shes going want to know who told me, therefore breaking the trust she has with her friend. And I don't want that either.

Sorry if that was too long. I'm quite shaken up by this. It felt like at least one thing was finally going right in my life for once.
Please pray (wether she ever looked my way or not), that if she has ANY spiritual convictions left in her from the Holy Spirit, that it would just SCREAM at her when shes given another opportunity to do these damaging things in question. I know what its like to be spiritually dead, doing what feels good, and then one day its like every fiber of your being feels repulsed by your old ways.
I pray that if given the chance, unselfishly, to convict her, and help her back on track.

Also for healing for my own heart, and wisdom for the future.
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Postby Kunoichi » Mon Sep 27, 2010 3:54 am

I will pray for you and for her. Remember that we are all perfectly human and she just may not be on the spiritual level maturity wise that you are. I think that if you want to be close to her, maybe try being a friend first, get to know her, help her by reflecting Christ love back to her (rather than maybe convicting her on your own accord - while friend sharpens friend, if she isn't your friend, she may see it as you being judgemental). THis is just my perception and opinion, so take it with a grain of salt x praying anyways :)
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Postby TWWK » Mon Sep 27, 2010 5:25 am

Spector, I think you may want to do your best to forget what your friend said. I know it's impossible to do so, but think about trying to daily push those thoughts out of your mind. This is why I say that:

1. Your friend may be open, but he also may not be trustworthy. A person shouldn't tell others deep, painful secrets about another person. Think about the girl - if she reflects something totally different on the outside, she's likely hiding this other side of herself to at least a certain degree, and likely wouldn't want others to know about it. She, too, may have trusted your friend. You may want to avoid taking his words as truth.

2. Don't judge her without hearing/seeing the truth for yourself. Get to know her more - if you do grow closer, you'll have the opportunity to ask her about what your friend said. If this is something very major, as you infer, there's a lot to the story, probably, that you haven't heard.

3. If you're interested in this girl, pray about her. If you feel that God may be leading you into a relationship, have faith in Him and pursue it. Ask her to dinner. Talk to her more and become friends (no matter what the world says, I'm entirely convinced that friendship is a wonderful foundation for a relationship, and especially for marriage). If you're nervous, go out in a group setting, which is a good idea no matter what.

4. Be understanding. Everyone struggles with sin. Some struggle more than others, and some struggle with more difficult sin than others. There's a difference between living a lifestyle with sin and struggling to overcome it - I think that's an important point that should inform whether you pursue her or not. Also understand that we're all sinners and that God's grace will cover any of us - we're equally sinful in the eyes of God and we're equally covered by His grace. Repentance isn't always cut and dry - it may takes months, years, or even longer to break a sin - in fact, we won't overcome all sin in this life. Be graceful to sinners since we're all in the same boat. And remember, Christ is powerful enough to help us overcome any sin - it comes to mind that both Moses and David were murderers, and yet each were friends of God.
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Postby Beau Soir » Mon Sep 27, 2010 9:02 am

Ah, that's upsetting... ): I'll pray for you both!
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Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.
--James Arthur Baldwin

Charm is deceptive, beauty is fleeting,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

(Proverbs 31:30)

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Postby Atria35 » Mon Sep 27, 2010 10:37 am

I think TWWK has the right of it.

Praying.
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Postby Tsukuyomi » Mon Sep 27, 2010 11:53 am

Will do ^^

Do you guys talk? You should talk to her and get to know her ^^ Once you do, she'll start confiding in you eventually and maybe tell you on her own. Be there for her as a friend and the rest will hopefully fall into place ^^
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Postby Hiryu » Mon Sep 27, 2010 5:42 pm

That does sound troubling. Even so, keep on pursuing her. Make sure she knows that you're on her side when the time comes to ask.
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Postby ShiroiHikari » Mon Sep 27, 2010 6:14 pm

Well, as they say, don't believe everything you hear. Would you want someone severing ties with you based solely on second-hand information that may or may not be true?

In short, I'm with TWWK on this one.
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Postby Aedin » Mon Sep 27, 2010 7:17 pm

I understand how that is man. I'll pray.
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Postby Spector » Mon Sep 27, 2010 11:17 pm

Ok. Last night I did alot of prayer and thinking. When I wrote this, it does sound like I have no doubts it's all true, but really only cause I have no reason not to, and I've had experiences with 2 sided people before.
But in the end, I realized all you guys said. True or not, ditching her won't help. I have to continue to be the friend I strive to be with her.

Honestly, though, I've never really been THAT close to a person like that. I'll need prayer for that. Heck, for all of it, haha.

Edit: Also to make clear, I don't hold this against her. I have a past too. I have no problem forgiving her, if it's true. I'm just worried about her convictions, like if she even cares about it, and wants to change.
Idano, haha. Just gatta learn to forget this, like your saying.
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