I'm so afraid to appear stupid/unprofessional/unsuitable for the program in front of my profs and peers. I've been turned down for 6-7 grad assistant positions on campus. I'm still applying for positions as they come up --I want to show that I am capable of the work and am competent. I'm trying to get my foot in the door.
I'm struggling a bit in managing my time well. I've managed to get my work done so far, but a lot of it has been a last-minute rush. And I've got some big assignments this semester (and that class from the Spring that I'm finishing), so I really need to not waste any more time. If I get one more C, I'll have to go before the review board (and that's bad.) My Stats class, especially, has me sweating bullets in this area because math/numbers are not my strong or even average-level area --I struggle substantially to process math. I can do it --it just takes me longer than the average person. My prof is awesome and explains things as many times as I need for it to "click" and I meet with him in his office regularly to ask questions/get clarification.
I've just lacked the motivation to stay on top of things. I still am feeling a crushing sadness from time to time. I'm still reeling over things that have happened in the past 6 months. And I want so badly to please my committee chair --he's someone I really respect. I really, really don't want to look stupid in front of him. I'm having such a hard time processing my journal articles --I read and don't comprehend parts of them. I asked for help in my email and am afraid that he'll think I'm incompetent or just trying to get him to do some of my work for me. I'm not --I just need help sorting through these articles and getting the applicable information --a couple of these babies are over 50 pages long. :O
I would also like prayer for finding some single friends. So many of my closest friends have gotten married and are having babies/trying to have babies. I love them dearly, but need more single people in my life --for support and to hang out with without the awkwardness that comes from questions about when I'm going to "settle down" and somehow my answer of "God hasn't brought the right person yet" is not satisfactory. My family members are really bad about this. Yes, I'm 25 and still single (never dated or kissed), but it's all in God's timing. Why can't they let it go? Why keep bringing it up over and over?
I have made a few single friends at my new church home and they are so much fun to be around. Very encouraging.
Still looking for a place to live. Having to move back in with Mom at 25 has been a very humbling experience, to say the least. It definitely has it's challenges.
I know God has a plan in all this, but I sure don't like it. Not because it's hard, persay, but mostly because there is so much at one time. Add to this my health issues and it all feels so overwhelming.
I am really hoping for some somewhat decent sleep tonight. With the cane (vs. when I had a dog), it takes me SO long to walk anywhere on campus. I get one hour for lunch --by the time I walk to the cafeteria/food court, stand in line and get my food, it's time for me to walk back to get to class/work on time. Leaving me with little or no time to eat. So I haven't been eating a whole lot lately --and am exhausted by 6 when my night classes start just because of the extra effort to walk everywhere with a cane. I miss having a dog so much. I keep forgetting to charge the battery for my scooter. And I really need it for the above reason.
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
