Lost and confused due to quitting job

[Nate]

Those who have been following my LJ, or remember a thread I made a couple of months back, know that I've been working a grueling work schedule, namely 60+ hour workweeks. It was supposed to be temporary, but as the weeks dragged on it became quite apparent that it would be anything but.

"It's going to get better," our supervisor tried telling us recently. That's a total load, and everyone knew it was. The holiday rush is coming up! Between back to school, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and then CHRISTMAS, we know that the workload gets even higher the later in the year it goes. And when we're already working 60+ hour weeks, it can only go higher.

And so it was going to, as our supervisor told us that eventually, we would be working 12 hour days six days a week, and we would have to start coming in Saturdays.

This whole stupid situation was the fault of upper management, who had a bad idea...it sounded good at first, and to be honest, I was willing to accept that the first two or three weeks might be crazy while we adjusted to the new system. After the second month though it became apparent that this was just a stupid idea, and management didn't have the courage to say "We were wrong, we screwed up, we're going back to normal."

For two and a half years, I worked my job fine. I didn't like my job, very few people do. But it was more of a "Ah, I gotta go to work now, sucks. Oh well" type deal. After the change came about it was far worse than that. It was a life-draining, soul-sucking experience. My spirit was crushed, I had almost no time to interact with my friends, and I was always tired from grueling hours and difficult sleep (I have no A/C; normally in the summer I'd sleep when I got back from work, which was about 1:30 AM or so, and wake up around 10 before it got hot...with getting off at 5 AM, this was no longer an option, thus making it difficult to sleep since I was now trying to sleep during the hottest parts of the day).

Last week, I felt trapped and isolated and literally broke down crying in the middle of working. I had to go home early because I was unable to work. On Monday, at work, I tried desperately to continue, but I was unable to muster any motivation. No matter how hard I worked, I wouldn't be getting off until 5 AM. Even if I worked slowly, it would just make the night drag out that much longer. I stood, unable to do anything, for about fifteen minutes. And I prayed the whole time, wishing God would tell me what to do. I knew He wouldn't. I knew even if He appeared in front of me, I would be too busy being scared out of my wits to hear what He had to say, and likely it would just be like Job...He'd do the talking and questioning, and I'd sit dumbfounded, and ultimately He wouldn't even tell me what I wanted to know.

So I nearly suffered a second mental breakdown, again. I could feel it just tearing at me. Ultimately I figured out, if my job was affecting me this much, if I was suffering so much stress that I just broke down TWICE in the space of two weeks, it wasn't worth it. Even though I need the money, even though I need the health insurance, it isn't worth it. What good is money and health insurance if my own sanity and my own body suffer and break down for it?

So, two hours into work Monday, I gathered my stuff, went to my boss, politely told him that I was unable to continue to push myself, and that I was quitting.

It feels like a weight has been lifted from me. I really feel a lot less stressed out and better all around now that I've quit. Everyone who's talked to me has been extremely supportive, and I'm grateful.

The problem is of course, now I have no source of income. I have quite a bit of money saved up in the bank, and that's good. It'll keep me going for a while. However, it won't last for more than a few months. I realize it was probably kind of stupid to quit without having a solid idea of what to do next lined up. At the time, I was too concerned about not having another freakout to really care too much about that. Even so, it's not like I could have gone and searched for another job with the work schedule my current one was giving me anyway.

So I'm lost. Completely. I don't know what to do. I want to go back to college, and get a degree. The problem is, I don't know in WHAT. I suffer from low self-esteem, it's true, but even with that acknowledged, the fact is that I'm really just not good at much of anything. I'm clumsy and bad with my hands, and I'm extremely absent-minded. I'm also socially awkward, and have little to no people skills...plus the fact that I freaked out almost twice at work shows I'm bad at handling stress, so anything where I'd have to deal with rude, angry customers would probably be bad for me.

So, as I said. I just don't know what to do. If I went to school, I'd have no clue what to get a degree in. There aren't many jobs where you don't have to worry about dealing with people...the one I had was really the best option.

Anyway, thanks for reading this extremely long post, if you made it this far.

[goldenspines]

I'll be praying for you, Nate.
I, like most people that have responded to your LJ, think that quitting your job, which was giving you waaaay too much stress, was a good thing.

As far as going back to school is concerned, please believe me when I say that you are a very smart person. Look for a subject you enjoy studying(science, math, english, etc) then narrow down the field from there. Also, in college, you can find out which jobs you can get with a certain degree and I don't think mostly all of them require good people skills. o.o

Try to stay positive. I'm sure God has an awesome plan all worked out for you.

[Etoh*the*Greato]

I'll pray, man. And for the record, the fact that it took you two months to break down just goes to show that actually you're pretty dang good at handling stress. I'll say some words for you.

[Peanut]

Congratulations Nate, by having no clue what you are going to major in, you're in the same position as a large majority of college students. If you are going to go to school, find a college you like and worry about the degree when you get there.

I'll be praying.

[shooraijin]

I think you made the right move. Rather than throw in a platitude, I think you did what needed to be done.

[minakichan]

\o/!!

As for a degree, colleges will have resources to help you find what's best for you, so don't worry about that until you're actually in~ good luck!

[Tsukuyomi]

You already know my reaction to this all 8D

As for a major, why not just take some classes that sound enjoyable to you and what sparks your interest as a whole (?) ^__^

[MBlight]

You know, it's scary to think how many people i deal with on a daily basis that go through the same things you do. I'm a recruitment consultant in South Africa and some of the places here absolutely exploit their people to no end. It's no witness to your ability to handle stress, I echo Etoh's words.

I might suggest working in IT, going into programming or something... most of the time you have minimal contact with people in that field, well, other than your Team Leader/Manager...

[Danderson]

May I make a suggestion? Now that you aren't working, and have a lot of time on your hands, I'd suggest getting into the Word some more. Spend more time there and in prayer, and I believe that God will reveal to you where to go next.

U'r in my prayers.....