I Need Help Dropping a Burden...

[sstohru]

I'm sorry, but I couldn't think of where else to go. I won't bore you with all the details, but here's a summary. For most of my life, my mom and I have had trouble getting along, and I've always struggled with a low-self esteem. My mother always told me how stupid or embarrasing I was, or how I would never be able to function in society. I felt useless. It felt like no matter how well I did in school, it was never enough to please her. By the time I entered my senior year, I just gave up.

This year I began to realize that what she said about me wasn't true. I know how smart I am because I was my school's Valedictorian, and I think I just might be able to fuction in society. Also, I've started to think for myself a little more, though it's a bit frightening for me. I know now that I like rock music, and my favorite color is green. I was always told it was red, but it's not! It's green!:lol: I know it may not be that big of a deal to know you're favorite color, but it's a great accomplishment for me! And I'm so happy!

Anyway, my burden is that I've held feelings of resentment against my mother, and I want to get rid of them before college. You'd think that since I'll be living on-campus it'd be easier, but it's not. I guess, to keep things short, I just need the strength to let it go.

[animewarrior]

I'll be praying for you. God will give you strength to do the impossible.
Forgiving your mother sounds like it will be a struggle for you but the Lord gives
us the way to overcome darkness with light. He will purge all the darkness in your heart
towards your mother if you let him.

I will also pray for your mother to recognize the error of her past treatment
towards you and let the love of the Lord in her heart.
She sounds like she needs it... and possibly she was controlling you because it was the only thing in her life she felt like she could have a sense of control over. Maybe she was drowning in insanity in the other parts of her life... it happens *shrugs* mere speculation but I'll pray for you sstohru.

Sincerely,
Your Sister in Christ,
animewarrior

[Sheenar]

Oh, man. Reading your post brought me back to what I was going through 4 years ago. I have a similar background with my mother, so I understand how you are feeling. (You can read my My Story and my letter to my mom in the Testimonies thread).
There aren't any instant cures/remedies for resentment --you gradually are able to let go little by little over time. Pray that God will help you to love your mother. It won't happen overnight --it can take years (as it did with me). But God is faithful to finish the work He began in you. Wanting to overcome your feelings toward your mother is the first step.

If you ever want to talk, feel free to send me a PM. *hugs*