A little prayer wouldn't hurt I guess...

[Scarecrow]

I'm going through a pretty tough time emotionally lately. Well... most of my life really =S Just kind of hoping things will change eventually and I've been feeling pretty bad lately though today I feel normal I guess. I don't have a bad life (well I think I do...I should be thankful but I'm not), I have lots of money saved up, I have a good paying job, I really don't have reasons to complain, there are lots to be thankful for... and I feel these "problems" are so minimal compared to everyone else's troubles. I feel quite selfish about it really.

I've never been officially diagnosed with any of these but I'm not stupid and I certainly fit the bill for Avoidant Personality Disorder and Social Anxiety (I actually browse a few forums regarding this and while I can completely relate to most of the posts, most are not Christians and it's mostly a bunch of complaining so.. not very helpful). And I'm not talking just little hiccups everyone experiences every once in a while, I mean life hindering, depression inducing social anxiety where you just literally hate everything about you. Just one wrong event in my day can completely tip my mood and I'll be upset for days. I get extremely envious of others which really just drives the depression deeper the more I compare and contrast myself. And struggling with all these things for at least 10 years, I've obviously become a bit confused spiritually with where I am cause I really don't see how a Christian could be in such a rut if they truly have Jesus in their heart. Basically I don't feel saved or very close to God. I really wish Jesus would just come sit on my bed so I could speak with him physically and get physical answers and emotions back. And a little hug wouldn't hurt

Anyway, if this wasn't enough I've been more and more contemplating my sexuality to the point of where I'm almost convinced I must be gay... or at least have some strong homosexual tendencies. BTW this was not an overnight change or anything, this is actually something that goes back when I was really young too. Just I'm starting to finally accept the possibility. I believe all that is completely psychological as well and I can pretty much pinpoint what causes most of these feelings after thinking about it a lot...

Anyway, I kinda wish I was worse off so people would really feel something is wrong. I never got drunk, never did drugs, never attempted suicide, etc cause I know in the end it isn't going to do anything and if I ever did come out of it, all that would just make more problems and ruin what could have been a healthy life (And I certainly don't want to actually just come out and say ya I'm gay, as inviting as it may be, as that would probably draw the WRONG attention to something that is not the core problem). Though it seems people only care when you get into something that drastic. But I just get so extremely depressed and angry with myself at times that I nearly give myself a headache being so stressed out, tensed up and crying so hard. I really wish I could just slip away and die where no one would notice...

But I know it'll eventually get better but I'm getting kinda tired of waiting... I feel I've been stuck in the same spot for years. And hearing of people who are nearly 60 and still like that certainly doesn't make me feel any more hopeful.

Anyway sorry to bother anyone with all this but... don't really know any(one/where) to let this out a little and I could certainly use a little prayer.

[Prince Asbel]

Hey, just because a problem is small, that doesn't mean it's not worth praying about. I personally think you have a big problem as a result of this disorder you think you have. You'll be in my prayers, okay? God bless.

[Sheenar]

I'll pray for you also, Scarecrow. Remember that God has promised never to leave or forsake you. Though you may feel distant from Him, He is still there --and you can talk to Him. By His strength you can overcome all this.

Hang in there, friend. God is not done with you yet.

[HiddenWoodchuck]

Hey, I will be praying for you. I have experienced social anxiety myself, and I still struggle with it here and there... it has been really hard at times, to the point of where I didn't think I would ever be happy about anything. I mean, I used to get terrified of even paying for fuel at the gas station. I couldn't be around groups of people or hang out with anyone, unless I had known them for a long time. I'd only make friends with really patient people, that would stick around no matter what... oddly, I had always been shy, but the social anxiety started when I was in my mid-teens... that was when not being able to speak "correctly"(so I had thought...) to people, it really messed me up. I'd get depressed and wonder what the point in trying was, since it never seemed to get better... if I pushed myself, I would mix up words and people would think I was stupid.

I've been getting better though... since I gave my life to God a few years back(I was raised a Christian, but I never lived that way or really knew anything about God), things have really changed. I still get upset when I feel things are going nowhere... like, I have a decent job myself, but I feel like my life is just standing still. I have been doing better though, and I believe it is possible to overcome the social anxiety. I say this in knowing I still have it myself, but it has been greatly reduced to the point that I am able to do so much more than I used to. I can't really explain how I have been getting better, but I just know that it would not be possible without prayer and trust. I only fall back into the anxiety when I don't trust God.

I will be praying for you, and I hope everything will get better for you soon.

[Danderson]

I used to have those types of hicups myself....And there were times where it got pretty bad.....But a few years ago, most of those tendancies began to leave.....It was definetly by God's grace that it left, but it gradually started to leave after I began to stop looking towards my feelings for guidance and would instead go to the Word.....

I'm not sure where u are in ur walk with Jesus, but I honestly suggest u should regularly spend some time in the Word (specificlly the New Testament) and apply what u are reading into ur life, even if u don't feel like it......

Though not all feelings are evil, most of them are not good to rely on....especially fear and doubt.....

U have my prayers, scarecrow.....

[Scarecrow]

I've been getting better though... since I gave my life to God a few years back(I was raised a Christian, but I never lived that way or really knew anything about God), things have really changed.

It was definetly by God's grace that it left, but it happened after I began to stop looking towards my feelings for guidance and would instead go to the Word.....

I'm not sure where u are in ur walk with Jesus, but I honestly suggest u should regularly spend some time in the Word (specificlly the New Testament) and apply what u are reading into ur life, even if u don't feel like it......

This is something that bothers me and stuff and why I get quite confused with where my soul is... people assume cause I'm this way that its cause I'm not trusting God or whatever. I know if I were to seek help at a church this all I would get. I have no doubts about God himself or Jesus, just whether I truly believe (I do its just I feel totally incapable of reaching God at times and feel I couldn't possibly be saved and need to pray harder)

I have problems with this because how much harder can you be seeking God or praying to God for help as I have? I know people say things like I came to Christ and it all went away but I think "trust in Jesus and your life will get better" is a bit of a lie. Trusting in Jesus won't cure you of some major physical illness like cancer or something (though God will certainly pull you through it and I'm sure he's performed miracles on some), I feel its the same for anything like this. God will pull me through I know and I try to keep my chin up knowing that even if I do live to 80 and nothing changes much that it still wont always be that way. I hope I don't live that long but I think I would be quite happy at that age cause it should only be a matter of time before my time is up then. And I definitely look forward to the day I enter into Jesus arms where there is no selfishness, envy.. no sin... I just I could either speed up the process a bit or get over it eventually....

Anyway thanks for your prayers =)

[Sheenar]

This is something that bothers me and stuff and why I get quite confused with where my soul is... people assume cause I'm this way that its cause I'm not trusting God or whatever. I know if I were to seek help at a church this all I would get. I have no doubts about God himself or Jesus, just whether I truly believe (I do its just I feel totally incapable of reaching God at times and feel I couldn't possibly be saved and need to pray harder)

I have problems with this because how much harder can you be seeking God or praying to God for help as I have? I know people say things like I came to Christ and it all went away but I think "trust in Jesus and your life will get better" is a bit of a lie. Trusting in Jesus won't cure you of some major physical illness like cancer or something (though God will certainly pull you through it and I'm sure he's performed miracles on some), I feel its the same for anything like this. God will pull me through I know and I try to keep my chin up knowing that even if I do live to 80 and nothing changes much that it still wont always be that way. I hope I don't live that long but I think I would be quite happy at that age cause it should only be a matter of time before my time is up then. And I definitely look forward to the day I enter into Jesus arms where there is no selfishness, envy.. no sin... I just I could either speed up the process a bit or get over it eventually....

Anyway thanks for your prayers =)

I'm still praying for you Scarecrow. Remember that you don't have to be a missionary overseas or be an evangelist like Billy Graham to be used by God. You could be a behind-the-scenes person just helping around the church cleaning and whatnot and that would be your ministry. We all serve God in different ways...
I pray that God will bring someone into your life that will be an encouragement to you.
And don't trust your feelings -- God may feel distant -- but He is not. And you don't have to "pray harder" -- or do anything to try to earn God's favor -- that's what's amazing about God's grace-- He loves you so much even in the "dark nights of the soul" -- we all make mistakes, but God still loves us-- you may feel that nothing is changing -- but God could be working in you in ways you're not aware of yet.
So don't give up! Take one day at a time. God will lead you.
(I hope this all makes sense...)

[Danderson]

I have problems with this because how much harder can you be seeking God or praying to God for help as I have? I know people say things like I came to Christ and it all went away but I think "trust in Jesus and your life will get better" is a bit of a lie.

True, after giving ur life to Christ it doesn't always get better.....But we have been given the ability to choose having the right attitude even when things aren't all sunshine and roses.....

Also, for me the tendancies didn't go away all by themselves and definetly not in one sitting....It took time, lots of prayer, and it took me making the choice to not follow those tendancies (on a regular basis) before they slowly started to fade away.....

I'm sorry I didn't clarrify well enough......U still have my prayers.....

[AsianBlossom]

I'll be praying for you too. It took running some errands and going to college to mostly cure me of my social phobia, and even now I tend to sometimes avoid people. It might take a little work, but perhaps with a little prayer (and maybe some exercises of some sort) you might get one step closer to perhaps easing out of this phobia you say you might have.

As for the homosexuality thing, I can't say much because I'm not in your shoes, but I don't think God wants anyone to live that "alternate" lifestyle. Our society may condone it, saying it's all right, but all they're trying to do is make people feel better about one particular sin some people may struggle with. You might struggle with this, but do your best to try and fight the temptation; and don't forget to ask God for help, because He doesn't want to lose anyone to sin. And always remember that God is there to take you back should you fall; He'll never turn His back on the one who is truly repentant...actually, He never turns His back on anyone. So take heart, and just realize that this is an area of your life you need to work on. I know it's not easy to change, but it's not impossible either.

And as I said before, I'll be praying for you.

[freerock1]

Sorry I didn't get to respond to this earlier, but I'd love to hear how things are going for you by now. Just know that in Christ, all your sins are forgiven (Colossians 2:13). And even though we all struggle with sin, the One who has overcome sin is on our side.

I'm lifting you up, my brother. Stay strong.