Faithlessness

[Momo-P]

Lately I've been probably having the worst spell of faithfulness I've ever had in my life...I keep feeling like I don't believe and like there's no God and that I'm going to hell and just...*shudders* I keep praying every night and reading my Bible everyday, but things aren't getting better. I just blew up awhile ago and went on a rant to myself, but that really didn't do as much good as I had hoped.

I talked to my parents and they said they're praying for me and stuff, but I really want more. I want out of this now. I really hate this feeling, last night I actually got really sick because of it. I want to feel close to God again, I want to believe and know I believe. I want to feel like a real child of God, not this...whatever this is. I hate this feeling and it's like everything I listen to is making me feel faithless and it's driving me nuts. I would never kill myself or anything, but sheesh. Dying right now and going to heaven would be extremely welcome at this point.

Prayers right now would be really nice. Prayer for faith, prayer for assurance of that faith, prayers that my OCD goes away (it's partly why I can't stop focusing on feeling like God's not there, and if you focus on it, it just helps it to expand) and...maybe a prayer for my parents. I know one time I felt down on my faith and had my boyfriend pray with me (and in the end felt really good), but last night I tried it with my mom. Not only did it not do any good because I felt faithless to begin with, but then she just acted more annoyed at me than anything. It's kind of hard to try and be hopeful when the person you're praying with gets mad at you. I was at least hoping she'd hug me or something like she usually does, but she didn't even do that, it's like she just scolded me...in the end we prayed together, but obviously there wasn't much heart behind it. Heck, even as I type this now I can't help but burst into tears...it hurts so much when somebody you love won't even "be there for you" as they say.

[jaems-kun]

Tough times. I went through the same thing myself a long ways back. I'm not spiritually knowledgeable enough to guarantee anything, but I do know that I got my answer, it just took a heck of a lot of soul searching and prayer. And also, in my opinion, honesty is the best policy. If you don't believe in God, then accept that fact. I'm pretty sure the most noteworthy step in my faith development was when I admitted that I really didn't believe in God. I wanted to believe, that's why I kept praying. Would I have had the guts to stop praying if I didn't get an answer? I don't know, luckily it didn't come to that.

[Momo-P]

Tough times. I went through the same thing myself a long ways back. I'm not spiritually knowledgeable enough to guarantee anything, but I do know that I got my answer, it just took a heck of a lot of soul searching and prayer. And also, in my opinion, honesty is the best policy. If you don't believe in God, then accept that fact. I'm pretty sure the most noteworthy step in my faith development was when I admitted that I really didn't believe in God. I wanted to believe, that's why I kept praying. Would I have had the guts to stop praying if I didn't get an answer? I don't know, luckily it didn't come to that.

Except I do believe in God. Not only do I still feel Him when I pray, but my faith in heaven is still there. With all due respect, telling anybody to just admit they don't believe sounds more dangerous than anything else. If a person even desires to believe--that's it. They believe. Why would you desire to believe something if you didn't actually think it was true? You only choose to believe in Jesus because...you actually feel it's real.

While I may have had rough patches in my life, I can never say I have ever had a spot where I didn't believe. Short on faith, yes, but it was definitely never gone, I always kept praying and reading. ._.

[jaems-kun]

You only choose to believe in Jesus because...you actually feel it's real.

That's all I'm trying to say.

[Danderson]

U definetly have my prayers....someone I know has been recently going through almost exactly what u've been through.
Know that He's still with U Momo-P.....Even though it doesn't feel like it, He's always been there waiting for u to bring ur problems and fears to Him....

On a side note, it seems whenever we reach a point where we're about to become closer to God, the enemy will often strike as hard as he can to deter us...Meaning that you could be closer to an end to the battle then u think......

Just keep pushing on....Let Him take ur hand....Don't be afraid to cry on His Shoulder.....He won't push u away.....

Would a virtual hug help? *hugs Momo-P*

[freerock1]

Lifting you up, my sister. I've been through a lot of this kind of stuff myself. Here's a verse that will hopefully be of encouragement:

"If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself." - 2 Timothy 2:13

[12praiseGOD]

Momo-P, I think I understand. Do you feel like GOD is not listening or is just not as close to you as HE used to be? If so let me tell you what I have discovered. Sometimes, GOD will give you this same type of trial in which you must grow in patience and at the same time in faith. By patience and faith, I mean that you just have to trust that He is there, keep on praying, and here is where the patience comes in-know that He will act when it is HIS will to do so, when HE thinks that you have gotten to this greater level of faith, patience and whatever else HE is wanting you to become greater in.
GOD BLESS YOU AND MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU!!!