feel like I'm tied down

[roadoffew]

here is the deal. I'm a Christian who is not being so Christian.

I've been looking up porn and hentai almost every night. I'm not reading my bible or even praying. My accountability partner hasn't shown up on-line to talk with me. Last time she mentioned that they needed a consoler. So I'm getting worried for them and trying to do things on my own, which oddly they said I shouldn't do.

tonight I was bored. well I decided to lay down in the middle of my room and try to pray. Instead I sat there shaking, convulsing, and trying to speak. But I couldn't. Finally after what seemed like forever I just prayed in thought.

I prayed that I didn't like myself at the moment. That I wanted to pray and to live for God. To give up my pride, lust, and the Gods I had made (anime, tv, hentai, music, guitar, internet). I screamed in my head "God why do I feel tied down? Why don't I feel like I'm putting forth any effort? I could just get up and read my bible now, but I can't even get up off the floor."

I would have stayed longer but my roommate's girlfriend was coming in the front door so I got up and acted normal.

Does anyone know what is happening to me? Any thoughts or prayers would be great.

[SnEptUne]

I couldn't understand porno or hentai. It was disgusting at first, then bitterly funny, and finally pitiful. What would you feel when people look at you with lustful eyes naked? And what is that other Gods? Unless you are worshipping your guitar and music, having passion for them doesn't make them God. However, it could be destructive if you, for example, play guitar without eating, sleeping, or caring about others. Which is why moderation is important in all aspect of life.

On the other hand, I don't think you should regard reading bible as a duty. It is more appropriate to use it for elightenment and guidance for life, which is why some people suggest to read it routinely. It isn't like people will become bad if they didn't read bible.

[Tsukuyomi]

Everyone has impure thoughts. The only thing we can do is to replace those impure thoughts with pure ones. It sounds easier said then done, but I'm sure you can do it It's ok to enjoy those things (minus the hentai). Just don't make your whole life around them Just think about the other things you can be doing when you're watching/looking up hentai or porn o_O You can be playing your guitar and getting better at that. There's alot of other things you can be doing Just.. choose wisely

I will pray for ya

(hope that came out right o.o)

[Kunoichi]

Road,

I think reading the Bible should be done.

"Man can not live on bread alone, but every word that comes from the Word of God" Forgive me because that isn't strictly verbatim. Maybe somone would find that verse for me ^_^;;

Reading it really is a discipline and requires it to do it all the time. i know that it is hard because sometimes we just plain don't feel like it, even if we know it might be good for us. Kinda like eating healthy I guess.

I will pray, if you wouldn't mind, that maybe God would give you a hunger for his word. Help you with any trouble that you are having.

Sometimes, at least in my own small experiences, as small as they have been, well I have felt the same like you when I felt like Bam, had to pray and, maybe that is all you need to do for now? I'm sorry I can not give better advice cuz I'm not a pastor or anything but I know that whenever God has called me like that and put me on my knees, well he had a reason. So maybe just pray and listen, really listen and don't be afraid of God is gonna say to you. Remember He loves you!!!

[Sheenar]

Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.' --Matthew 4:4
The Bible is vitally important --it is food for your spirit. We can only have a biblical worldview if we immerse ourselves in the word and strive to know it intimately. That is also why memorizing Scripture is important --that way when temptation/trials come, you have a basis to respond to it biblically. We must memorize Scripture --Jesus gave us His example when He was tempted in the wilderness --for every temptation Satan threw at Him, He responded with Scripture. I mean, I know we won't ever be perfect this side of heaven, but we still have the responsibility to be disciplined because we are in a war.

It sounds like God is finally getting through. I know in the past when I've been caught up in a sin ("tied down"), there came a moment when God broke through it all and I was confronted with my sin. God opened my eyes. Praise God that after we're broken over our sin, He heals us and restores us.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

Mate, I struggle with lust too and often it's d@mn hard to live like Christ.
I've heard that reading your Bible is like eating food. It sustains you and does you good even if you don't notice. There are so many times I don't feel like reading the Bible (don't feel worthy, better reading etc.) but it does feed your soul.

I don't know what to say, there's no easy answer. Just keep praying in the wilderness. Try and get rid of anything that can make you stumble.
I'll be praying for you mate.
God Bless

[Danderson]

Ditto on what Warrior 4 Jesus said......But even if u forget every now and then He will never condem you for it.....In fact He's with you right now, waiting for your next conversation....He loves u....No matter what u do....remember that....

....ur in my prayers