A Secret I've Kept from Everyone

[QtheQreater]

Thank you very much for asking her about my specific problem. I can't explain how grateful I am that you would care so much. But, at the same time... I honestly don't know if I can talk to a counselor or therapist about this. I would consider it more if I was all right with my parents knowing about everything, but... I don't want them to know. I really, really don't want them to ever find out. Goodness... I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Lemme tell you something about counseling. The hardest and most embarrassing part will be when someone else tells you to go. And I mean someone you know in real life who doesn't actually know the real situation. That smarts. Happened to me. Better to go on your own initiative.

That aside, Christian counseling is a great idea. Whether or not you think you could stand telling a counselor about these things, the truth is that this person (1) will not judge you (2) and will not force you to tell anyone else about it until you choose to. I believe 16 is old enough that the counselor can't tell anyone what you talk about without your consent. Anywho, I found that since a counselor does keep everything confidential, speaking to them was easy, even for me (who spent most of my teen years not speaking to anyone, especially if it related to suicide). The release you'll feel after telling somebody is one of the most incredible things I've experienced. And speaking with the counselor makes it easier to talk to family afterwards. At least, in my experience.

Q's two cents.

[Doubleshadow]

I'll pray for you in this. You sound almost exactly like I did when I tried to kill myself (there's a short version in my testimony in the testimony forum). I won't go into it here, but if you are like me, you need to talk to a professional. There will be a lot of people who will want to help but not really be equipped to, so a Christian counselor is good. There's too much of a chance (statistically, at least) you'll do this again sooner or later for you to pretend this did not happen, and believe me, I know how to tempting that is.

[mai]

Don't wait to tell someone. Do it right now.
Just considering suicide is reason enough to talk to someone.

[fantasygeek]

Ill be praying for you! I have a friend going through a similar situation, your not alone. If you have a good friend that you can trust I would suggest talking with them about it.

May the Lord watch over you.

[Fionn Fael]

I apologize for the lengthy pause between posts. Does this count as gravedigging? If so, I'm very, very sorry! >.<

Anyway, I just thought that I should post an update on the situation. Well... I still haven't told anyone. In fact, I think I've only worsened the issue. Today in AP English, we had to write a timed essay about something unexpected that happened in our lives. And what did I write about? You guessed it--my hospitalization. Except, as you are all aware, I completely expected this event to occur. What's more, I even planned for it to occur. I just wrote about it in the twisted version of the story that I told to everyone else. Like I stated previously, once you've told a lie enough times, you yourself start to become convinced of it. I just keep digging myself a deeper hole...

Also, I know that I said that I would never, under any circumstances, consider harming myself again, but... recently, I've been having some self-destructive thoughts. Fortunately, I have yet to act on any of them, but it can be so tempting when things get difficult. Please continue to pray for me. I know that all of your prayers will help significantly.

Thank you all so very much for your support and for embracing me and helping me to get through my problems. I don't know how horrible I might feel right now if I hadn't told someone about the truth, even if it isn't face-to-face. I suppose it's better than not telling anyone at all. Anyway, thank you again. Your compassionate words mean so much.

[QtheQreater]

Tis never gravedigging when you update a prayer concern, methinks.

And I'm still praying for you. Don't give up. And keep thinking about telling someone...don't discount that as possibility. It doesn't matter how deep of a hole you think you've dug, there is a way out. You just have to ask for some help along the way...

[SP1]

This is not likely to get any better until you tell someone who can look you in the eye and intervene if you go through a self-destructive episode again. Yeah, they are going to think differently about you, but what are they going to think if you hurt yourself? That's even worse. I think it's time you had some faith in your parents and talk this out. Get the pain behind you.

I'm sorry the above is harsh, but it's what I think you need to do. I am still praying for you.

[Tenshi no Ai]

I'll definately continue to pray for you...

[narutofreak]

So do I, I understand what you have gone through! I know it is hard to tell a counselor. I will be really praying for you! If you ever need someone to talk to you can pm me.

[Rogie]

A quick, administrative note: No, it is not considered gravedigging to update everyone regarding your original prayer request. I think that's a worthy exception to our general gravedigging policy. So no worries, and thanks for updating!

In the meantime, I'll pray for you.

[Ryupower]

I will continue to pray!